Author Archives: Mandi

A Waxing With A Happy Ending

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I showered today and put on make-up. I know. Then I waved to my husband and headed out. I had plans to lunch with a girlfriend, but before, I wanted to get my eyebrows waxed.

I drove the one block to my place where I always go, where everybody knows my name. (Cue Cheer’s Theme song.) The girl at the front desk motioned me to go back to the waxing room. She used to walk me back there, but now we’re tight, so she just kind of looked over her shoulder like, “Well, you know the drill.”

I walked into the tiny room, placed my purse on the small folding chair and laid back on the table (noting that the sheet covering it was the same Southwestern pattern as the last time I got my eyebrows waxed and the time before that.) I waited for a few minutes listening to the zen music playing in the background, trying to ignore the potential germs residing on the unwashed sheet before a cute little Asian woman walked in. Continue reading →

Are You There God? It’s Me, Mandi

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A while back, I got a private message on Facebook from another blogger who I admire and not just because she writes everywhere: Huffington Post, In the Powder Room, and Humor Outcasts, to name a few. No big deal, right? Cue heart palpitations. In the message, she said that she wanted to feature me on her weekly post known as Wacky Wednesday Writer.

Wacky Wednesday

I said, “yes,” of course, so today, I’m over there with the one and only Marcia of Menopausal Mother talking about an incident where, well, the good Lord Himself played a not so very funny joke on me.

So what are you waiting for? Click here, and show me some love.

My Vagina Has a Superpower

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It has several really, but today it’s not what you think.

I call it vagdar… (at least, I do now.)

I can find anything, and the minions of my house call upon me to do so Every.Single.Day. Continue reading →

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Penomenalies

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If you haven’t read True Story, go do that now and guess. Then come back and see if you’re right.

It’s time to let you in on my little secret. Continue reading →

True Story…

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According to my husband and my best friend (of thirty years), I’m a really good liar. I’m not sure that’s necessarily a good thing, but it works well for me. I love to tell people outrageous stories and lure them into my web of lies, watching their eyes grow, their heads nod, that sharp intake of breath when they begin to trust my tale only to turn around and say, “No, I’m just kidding,” with a completely straight face. Continue reading →

A Case of the Mondays and the Martians

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I know it’s Thursday.

Whatever.

But Monday happened, and I feel compelled to share this with you. It’s necessary for my psyche, for my sanity, and maybe so that when I end up on an episode of Snapped, you will all understand. You’ll say, “Oh, well she’s the girl who woke up to shit prints that morning when she was peacefully dreaming about sexing with Adrian Grenier.” And maybe you’ll riot outside of the courtroom with signs that say, “Set Mandi Free For Adrian” or not. Again, whatever. I’m not planning on murdering anybody. (There you go detective. It wasn’t premeditated.) I digress. Continue reading →

Well Slap My Ass And Call Me Sassenach

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Most of the voices in my head speak with a Scottish accent.

Here’s why…Jamie Fraser, my fictional husband. 

Diana Gabaldon (one of my all time favorite authors) introduced us about six years ago, and we’ve been going strong ever since. Last night, I got to meet him on the big screen when I attended a private preview of the show “Outlander”, which will be out for everyone to see August 9th on Starz. Take a minute to go set your DVR’s. I’ll wait. Continue reading →

The Penis Monologues Have Not Forgotten You

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It’s been a while, but I had to bring back the Penis Monologues because basically, I still have questions, and they’re not even mine. Remember back when you all submitted your questions and I said, “Hey, we’ll do this every week until we answer them all?” Yeah, well, then summer happened, and I got sucked into the sunshine and water and jumping up every time I open my lap top to get a snack or break up a fight. But I haven’t forgotten you, my loyal readers, and when I make a promise, I keep it…even if it gets a little postponed. Forgive me? Good because I have a treat for you. Continue reading →

Gonna Sip Bacardi Like it’s My Birfday….

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It’s my birthday! *throws confetti*

Funny, actually my birthday is never really a big deal for me. Ever. I grew up in a family where if we said “happy birthday, so and so,” that was enough. It was a BIG deal to get a card, and gifts..pfft. Who needs ’em?

But this year, wow. This year, people, a lot of people, came together and made my birthday a big deal. A really big deal, and I am floored, gobsmacked, honored, and humbled to no end at the thought. Continue reading →

Leapin’ Lizards

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“Mo-om!” My three year old daughter called from the bathroom. I slowly shuffled to where she was brewing with excitement with what awaited me. I helped her get herself in order. Then I washed my hands, dried them, and started heading out into the small hallway by my bedroom. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed movement in my bedroom. I quickly completed a status check in my head. It took me about half a second to realize son and dog upstairs, husband in his office, daughter and I in the doorway of the downstairs bathroom, but something moved in my bedroom.

I turned my head quickly and held my hand flat against my daughter’s chest to keep her in the bathroom. Just then, I saw a tail. Continue reading →