According to my husband and my best friend (of thirty years), I’m a really good liar. I’m not sure that’s necessarily a good thing, but it works well for me. I love to tell people outrageous stories and lure them into my web of lies, watching their eyes grow, their heads nod, that sharp intake of breath when they begin to trust my tale only to turn around and say, “No, I’m just kidding,” with a completely straight face.
Several years ago, back before I became a domestic goddess, I used to work with a girl who was extremely…er…let’s just call her obtuse. One Friday afternoon, as we celebrated a particularly profitable week which would result in fatty bonus checks, she said, “This is phenomenal.”
I looked at her (straight faced of course) and said, “You mean Penomenal.” Pronounced with a (p) not a (f) sound.
She said, “No, phenomenal.” Because part of her knew she was right. But I kept on, making up a fake grammar rule and going into great detail with her.
She was convinced, and to this day, I feel quite certain, she says, “Penomenal.” I forgot to tell her the truth. That’s where it becomes a pet peeve to aforementioned husband and best friend. I do this a lot, forget to tell the truth.
I’m penomenal at lying.
Call it a talent. Or not. I enjoy my little spark of fib, so since we’re friends here and some of you know very little about me, today I offer you my version of five truths and a lie. I stole this from Beth. Click on her red name and go spend some time with a(nother) really funny hot blonde from Texas (after you finish reading this.)
Here you are…you decide:
1. Aside from a few scratch off lottery tickets, which total to about $9.00, I’ve only ever won one thing: A year supply of tuna fish.
2. I am severely afraid of needles, which is why I have no tattoos.
3. One of the many jobs I held in order to pay for my education was Toe Tagger. (That’s right…for dead people)
4. My first love grew up and became a gay stripper.
5. I’ve had over 100 stitches…in my face.
6. I once was the keyboardist for a band.
So, which one is fiction? You be the judge. Answer in the comments, and some time between now and who knows when, I’ll come back and tell you the truth…or will I?