Well Slap My Ass And Call Me Sassenach

Most of the voices in my head speak with a Scottish accent.

Here’s why…Jamie Fraser, my fictional husband. 

Diana Gabaldon (one of my all time favorite authors) introduced us about six years ago, and we’ve been going strong ever since. Last night, I got to meet him on the big screen when I attended a private preview of the show “Outlander”, which will be out for everyone to see August 9th on Starz. Take a minute to go set your DVR’s. I’ll wait. Continue reading

Of Foodgasms and Muff-Fro’s

Sometimes in life, we stumble upon a pot of gold, shiny and sparkly. Sometimes it’s a rainbow itself, fresh and clean, an abundant kaleidoscope of color. Well, I found that perfection in the lovely, snarky, witty, yoda-obsessed nerd Nikki Mathis Thompson, and I want to jump up and down and do cartwheels because today I get the opportunity to introduce her to you. Continue reading

Drunk Writing in the Sun

Laura over at History of a Woman nominated me for the Liebster, too, (This one was for real.  I didn’t nominate myself) so it’s only fair that I answer her questions.  (I am not procrastinating on The Evil Queen, Laura. It’s coming.)

1. What made you choose the title for your blog?

Well, I love the sun.  A lot.  I need my vitamin D, and my mood suffers if I don’t get enough of it.  (It’s been a long winter, even here in Texas).  Somebody asked me once why I like to be outside so much, and I said, “Well, cellulite looks better tan.”  It’s true.  Then I said for years that I was going to call my book (the one that I would eventually write) “Cellulite Looks Better Tan,” but then the book and that title didn’t work, so I created this blog instead.

2. What was your very first post about? Link it up!

I wrote my first blog post on the eve of Thanksgiving because I was reminded of a story that occurred many years before on that day.  Thanks to Beth, I think 5 people read it.  It’s about a time I accidentally peed in a stranger’s driveway.  You asked….The Girl Who Peed in the Driveway

3. What do you think was the best post you ever wrote?

Hmmm….my favorite post is Sex Dreams and Shit Prints and not just because I was having sex with Adrian Grenier in it but also because it really happened, but the best post I’ve ever written would have to be the one I wrote about my mother, The Cycle.  I’ve never been more honest on this blog.

4. You’re at your computer (where ever you blog most from)…What is sitting close to hand?

Coffee if it’s in the morning (which is when I read most of the blogs) and wine if it’s after 8 (which is when I write most of my blogs.)  Always.  I like to go with Ernest Hemingway’s advice:  “Write drunk.  Edit sober.”  And I always sit in my reading chair to blog.  It’s super comfy, *my special place*.

5. Do you always order the same thing when you go out or do you like to try new foods?

I’m fairly predictable in life, except for when it comes to ordering food.  I love to try new things.  If it has avocados or goat cheese, I pretty much order it every time.  Yesterday I had lunch with one of my besties at a Mediterranean restaurant, and they had broiled cauliflower.  My mouth is still watering.  I LOVE food.  

6. What was the first blog you found online that you fell in “blog love” with?

Writer B is Me.  I love her in real life.  I love her writing, and when she started her blog, I would squeal with delight every time I got an email notification of a new post.  I feel like through blogging, we’re even becoming better friends, and to use her words, I lurve her hard.

7. What’s your most favorite piece of clothing you own?

Wow…I’m not into clothing, so I had to think really hard about this one.  My favorite piece of clothing I own is the dress I wore to the 2007 Emmy awards.  It’s a long story how I got to go, but that dress made me feel *stunning* like I belonged there. 

8. If you were trapped on an island and could only have one book with you, what book would you bring?

Easy:  Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.  I can pick it up and read a page and immediately fall back into the story.  Love love love.

9. What’s something new you have learned recently?

I recently learned that I don’t have to put two spaces after a period.  When did this rule change?  Am I that old? That is brand new information for me.  And look, I can’t get out of the habit.  I’m two spacing all over the place.

10. Who is your favorite author?

I am.  Kidding.  Diana Gabaldon.  She’s brilliant.  Her prose paint the most magnificent pictures.  When I read her books, they envelope me, and they’re so real that it’s almost like I’m the one banging a hot redheaded Scottish warrior, and who wouldn’t want that?

11. What’s the corniest joke you know?

Knock knock

Who’s there?


Duane who?

Duane the tub I’m dwowning.  Hey – my kids think it’s hilarious.

Herstory Lesson: Why does Ariel wear seashells? A’s and B’s were too small. Thank you. I’ll be here all week.  

hahahah – I thought this was a real question.  Shut up!!

Fictional Husbands and Stuff

I have a bit of an obsession.  With Books.  I can’t help it.  I’m a junkie when it comes to written words.  They offer me an escape, a way to fly into the mind of someone else, to journey through a world of black and white that bursts into a kaleidoscope of rich colorful hues in my mind.  They take me from loathing to respect, sorrow to joy, hate to love, angst to calm, and from agony to delight.  The characters come to life, attach themselves to my core, and walk around with me until I see them to the final chapter, the last page…the end. The End.  Gah!   And when the book ends, I’m blue.  I get ridiculous book hangovers and walk around for a few days missing these fictional people, the ones to whom I relate, the ones that I admire, the ones that I *gulp* picture…in my head.  The men…those alpha men…ahem.

I have a few favorites.  It’s grown over the years, my list of fictional boyfriends, but I only have one…just one fictional husband.  Let me introduce you.  Maybe you’ve met him….drum roll please.

James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser

Click on the link below to see a pic of him.  In his kilt.  What’s underneath?  Wouldn’t you like to know?  You see his ginger stubble?  Mmhmm.  Stand back, ladies…he’s all mine.


You can find Jamie Fraser in Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander, a novel written from Claire Randall’s point of view, an English field nurse in WWII, who finally after the war, takes an opportune honeymoon with husband and history scholar, Frank Randall, to Scotland where together they explore and secretly watch what seems to be a druid ritual around a circle of standing stones called Craigh na Dun.  When Claire goes back to the stones alone the next day, she falls through them and lands in 18th century Scotland where she runs into English Dragoons and Scottish Highlanders and lots and lots of drama.  This to me is where the book gets interesting.  I mean, Frank is nice and all, but in 18th Century Scotland, she meets…dun dun dun…Jamie Fraser, and he constantly comes to Claire’s rescue.  Seriously, this chic can’t walk two feet without finding some kind of trouble, and my fictional hubby comes riding in on his dark horse over fields of plush heather, auburn hair shining in the sunlight, kilt bouncing up and down flowing around his long sexy legs and rescues her.  Every. Single. Time.  And I’ve never even found myself attracted to gingers.  I won’t go into details about the story.  It’s a good one.  If you haven’t read this book, read this book, and the other six. Now, like right now, before the eighth book comes out in March.  You will not be disappointed.  Unless you are, and then you will be, but that’s your fault because even if you hate everything about this series, Diana Gabaldon generously gives you Jamie Fraser.  And that’s enough.

He’s been creeping into the hearts and fantasies of women all over the literary world for years, but since the news came out of the television series on Starz, and Sam Heughan was cast as The Jamie Fraser, women from 20 to 90 are google imaging him and drooling over their computer screens today, right this minute, this very second in the multitudes. Hop over to Twitter, and you’ll see the obsession that is everything Outlander, Jamie Fraser, and Sam Heughan.

Here are a few of my favorite lines he’s said in his sexy Scottish accent throughout this book series.  All written, of course, by the ridiculously talented Diana Gabaldon:

“When the day shall come that we do part…if my last words are not ‘I love you’, ye’ll ken it was because I didna have time.”  The Fiery Cross (Book 5)

“You are my courage, as I am your conscience…You are my heart and I your compassion.  We are neither of us whole, alone.”  Drums of Autumn (Book 4)

“Don’t be afraid.  There’s the two of us now.”  Outlander (Book 1)

“Your face is my heart, Sassenach, and the love of you is my soul.” Drums of Autumn (Book 4)

“…yet when I think of you wi’ my child at your breast…then I feel as though I’ve gone hollow as a soap bubble, and perhaps I shall burst with joy.” Dragonfly in Amber (Book 2)

“I want to hold you like a kitten in my shirt, and still I want to spread your thighs and plow ye like a rutting bull.  I dinna understand myself.”  Dragonfly in Amber (Book 2)

“Oh aye, Sassenach.  I am your master…and you’re mine.  Seems I canna possess your soul without losing my own.”  Outlander (Book 1)

“It has always been forever for me, Sassenach.”  Voyager (Book 3)

“And I mean to hear ye groan like that again.  And to moan and sob, even though you dinna wish to, for ye canna help it.  I mean to make you sigh as though your heart would break and scream with the wanting, and at last to cry out in my arms, and I shall know that I’ve served ye well.” Outlander (Book 1)


See what I mean?  Pick up your panties, and go buy this book.  The television series premiers in August on Starz, and I have no doubt…this show will be epic (Geez, I really hate that word.), but for me, the challenge is set.  Will they portray the emotion, the heart, the soul that Diana Gabaldon writes into her novels?  Will they be able to transfer that onto a television screen?

Her words create the most elaborate and beautiful pictures that my mind can construct, and the romance between Claire and Jamie, builds slowly, and passionately, and grows so that my hearts swells in my chest ready to burst with love, and I want to wrap myself in their story over and over and over again and wear it like a cloak, like a kilt, with nothing underneath.  I will watch, and I will love it, but the series will never replace the absolute devotion in my heart for the novels that introduced me to my book husband, Jamie Fraser.

You’re welcome to look all you want, but in my mind, he’s mine.  All mine.

So speak to me…who’s your fictional husband, book boyfriend, major literary crush?  Come on…I’m sure I’ve met him, and if I haven’t, I want to…soon!