Why I Told My Daughter to Kick Your Son in the Balls

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There was an article that went around last year that my virtual writer friend Ashley Fuchs wrote called The Reason My Daughter May Punch Your Son. When I read the article, my daughter was in kindergarten. In my mind, she was years away from this kind of harassment, so I read it, and I shared it, but I didn’t internalize it the way some of my fellow parents did. Because I thought I had more time.

Turns out, my time is up.

“Mom, I got bullied today,” she said as we walked home from school.

“Bullied?” I questioned. I don’t like the word. I think it’s overused and thrown around, and I have a hard time thinking that my sassy, very independent little girl could possibly be bullied, so I questioned her a little. She tends to be dramatic, and by the time we got home, she said some boys were chasing her on the playground. I told her not to play with them anymore if they bugged her, and that was that. We went on with our day.

Fast forward to dinner where she brought it up again. We always go through our highs and our lows of the day, and when it was her turn to voice her low, she said, “Some boys bullied me today.” Since this was the second time she brought it up, I probed harder.

“Tell me exactly what happened, ” I said. She went on to say that some boys were hitting her butt on the playground, and when she told them to stop, they called her chubby and laughed at her.

That’s right. Two boys put their hands on my daughter, and when she told them to stop, they called her fat and made fun of her. Let that sink in for a second.

Want to know where they learned that? I have an idea.

Rage boiled inside of me, but I squelched it and asked her what she did next. She said she told the teacher, and the teacher told them to stop, but they didn’t.

The more I listened, the angrier I got. She showed me on my own butt what they were doing, and it can only be described as groping, but she didn’t understand that.

BECAUSE SHE IS SIX!

We discussed how inappropriate and unacceptable it was/is, and I commended her for doing the right thing by telling the teacher.

She put her head down and said, “Tomorrow, I’m just going to hide at recess.”

I pulled her into me and lifted her chin up so she could look me in the eye, and I said, “NO. You will not let two boys ruin your free time. You will not allow them to take your fun away. They are breaking the rules. If they do that tomorrow, you say ‘Keep your hands off of me.’ If they do not stop, you tell the teacher. If they continue to bother you, you turn around and step on their feet, or kick them in the shins or their business, and if you get in trouble, go ahead and tell your teacher to give me a call.” I explained that she might end up in the principal’s office and that we would deal with it if we had to, but I made sure she knew that she was empowered to defend herself.

Our boys are learning from us. It is not innate that when a girl says no, they immediately go to calling her fat or ugly. This is learned behavior. Your job as a mother and as a father is to make sure your sons (and daughters) know better. I can tell you that if I learned that my son had touched a girl the way these boys touched my daughter or spoke to another child the way they did, there would be some serious consequences at our home. He knows better. He’s been taught to respect all people, all women, your daughters, so if he steps out of line there, I want to know.

Parents, teach your sons (and daughters) that they are not entitled to touch anyone anywhere, that my daughter’s back side is not for their hands, that if they do put their hands on (MY) child, they will not get away with it because she will defend herself the best way she can.

Thoughts?

(To read more of Ashley Fuchs’ articles, visit her page: The Incredible Adventures of the Malleable Mom.)

 

Strong 2

Photocredit: Stock photo

 

 

 

217 thoughts on “Why I Told My Daughter to Kick Your Son in the Balls”

  1. That is just horrible! Breaks my heart! I have a 2 year old girl and like you, I am raising her to be a strong, independent person. This behaviour from the boys is damn right outrageous and they and their parents need a swift kick to the baws! I hate hate hate the saying ‘boys will be boys’ for this very reason, the peddling that this behaviour is ok. I cannot believe at such a young age boys think it’s acceptable to touch another person and retaliate with horrible remarks when pushed away. And it’s equally worrying that your daughter felt she had to remove herself in future! Outrageous! And so begins the culture of victim blaming and that woman need to control themselves and their bodies. I agree, parents need to sort this crap and nip it in the bud immediately. I do not look forward to the day I need to explain this to my daughter. Very well done for standing up for your daughter and showing her that she can and should stand up for herself!
    I’ve punched a man in the balls for less 😕

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  2. Wow!! I’m so sorry to hear that she’s already dealing with this garbage, and I am so impressed with how you handled this with strong love and empowerment for your daughter. She is so lucky to have you, and I hope those boys realize that boys won’t be boys; they will be fucking held accountable for their actions. Keep soldiering on!!

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  3. GRRRRRRRERRRRRRRR!!!!!
    They better damn well stop. They better damn well stop before she has to use violence. They also better damn well stop before you get there.

    Tbh it may be worth sending yourself to the principal’s office ahead of schedule to discuss the lack of control or ‘steeri g away from’ inappropriate behaviour at recess.

    Also GRRRRRRRRRRR!!

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  6. You did right. Period.

    Some boys were following my daughter home last spring, the end of 5th grade. One of them was a boy she considered a friend. They taunted, they called her names. She asked them to stop. The “friend” said something very rude – and she punched him.

    He looked shocked. I couldn’t be prouder. And they didn’t mess with her again.

    There’s a life lesson for those boys on the playground – touch a girls ass and you’re going to get hit. Hopefully it won’t come to that for her, but she knows you have her back. Hugs to her.

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    • While I understand the woman who posted considering violence, it did not devolve to that and I would not condone it, especially since one girl deciding to resort to violence against three boys seems to be a disaster waiting to happen. However, they were touching her inappropriately, which must not be tolerated and needs to be stopped. You, however, have apparently taught your daughter that acts of physical violence are an acceptable response to someone saying something that is “very rude” to her. You state that the boys “taunted, they called her names” and then one said something “very rude” to her.

      I’m appalled that you “couldn’t be prouder” that your daughter punched the boy, that she resorted to physical violence in response to a “very rude” statement! What is wrong with you? You’ve never heard the old nursery rhyme, “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me” or told it to your daughter?? If your daughter is physically assaulting someone because of a verbal taunt, what else (worse) will she do when she encounters other bullies. She also puts herself at risk of physical harm, instigating violence against a group of boys.

      Instead you say you are proud that your daughter responded to a verbal taunt with physical violence, something which is not at all appropriate, then state that there’s a life lesson – “touch a girls (sic) ass and you’re going to get hit.” No one touched your daughter — she instigated physical violence in response to verbal taunts. As it stands, she could be charged with assault! The fact that you’re proud of that calls into question what you’ve been teaching you daughter and your own judgment. While no one likes a bully, physical violence is not a proper response to a verbal taunt and puts your daughter at much greater risk since she has escalated the situation.

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      • While I mostly agree with you, David. I’m guessing you are a man. ..by your name. …I do need to say, we women have put up with this for ages. I am not a believer in violence either, but……. Enough is enough, we need to let men/boys know, this will not be tolerated. Unfortunately violence is not the perfect answer, but enpowering our little girls is what is essential in letting the world know. ..we refuse to stand by and allow the males of the world to degrade us.

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      • David. They did touch her inappropriately. They physically molested her first, then called her names when she asked them to stop.

        What the boys did was wrong. Period.

        Sometimes violence only understands more violence.

        What is wrong with you that you even consider condoning what those boys did as okay?

        Read the post again, sir. You will discover that you are way out of line. She is well within her rights to defend herself.

        They used physical violence against her.

        The fact you managed to miss that point shows you were not paying attention and had preconceived notions about right and wrong.

        Sorry but YOU are wrong.

        You mentioned that touching her was wrong and must not be tolerated, so what else would you have a six year old girl do against three older boys physically assaulting her?

        Like I said…sometimes violence only understands violence.

        She needs to stand up to them or they will continue their assaults.

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  7. So frustrating and, as a woman, it chaps my ass even more. We have conversations, frequently, about how one person isn’t any more important than another and that if someone tells you to stop, you better stop (although their hands shouldn’t have been on her in the first place). My son even uses it on me when we’re playing – he tells me “no means no mom” and I have to stop right then and there.

    But if it were my kiddo doing this grabass, and name calling, he’d definitely have some harsh punishment and we’d go over this so frequently that he’d never want to make that mistake again. And I’d tell him he deserved it if he got kicked in the junk.

    Love the empowerment and I need that shirt for my kiddo.

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  8. Not only have I been in this situation with my kids, but I’ve also told them to handle it the same way. If they refuse to listen to your voice, and your teachers won’t put a stop to it, you defend yourself. You are NOT someone else’s object of abuse for any reason. Bravo to you for empowering her! ~ Jamie

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  10. My parents would have told me the same when I was a kid if that happened to me. I’d also tell my kids the same if I had any at this point in my life but I don’t yet. It’s very important that children know what’s right and wrong from the get go.

    Sometimes they have to learn the hard way and that’s just the way it is. I don’t feel bad those little assholes will get kicked in the family jewels. They need to learn some boundaries and apparently she’s gonna have to teach them that. I was bullied when I was really young too so this just really passed me off. Although I was bullied by other girls and I think it was because I was petite when I was younger.

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  11. Good for you for empowering your daughter! She is very fortunate. When I was younger and experienced this, my mother did her best, but her advice was ignore then and they’ll get tired of it. That’s not true. I wish someone told me to defend myself. My son and daughter learned to stand up for themselves and to help others that were being picked on, which is not always easy. Love the picture!

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    • Children are watching. When aggressiveness toward women and girl is brushed off as ‘locker room talk’ or as normal ‘boys will be boys’, they see it. When women are shamed for having bodies (and body functions, and anything other than model-size, which is often anorexic-size), they hear it. They internalize that they are entitled to grab and that girls should just allow them or be shamed. Just like they copy other things, they’d copy that. It is up to all of us to call out bigotry and bullying for what it is. To nip it in the bud. On adults, too. Because children are watching. And they learn.

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    • Why wait til it happens again to insist on those parents being called?
      Why is the burden on the young female child to have to tolerate it happening again before there are consequences?
      If she had punched the boys without provocation she’d have been in the principals office the first time. Why should they be getting away with what amounts to sexual assault, provided they don’t do it again?
      I was held down behind the slides in 4th grade. One boy held my dress up and laughed while the other assaulted me with a stick.
      Years later (20+) 3 other women finally confessed to me that they’d been victims before it escalated to this.

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      • Mandy is teaching her daughter to defend herself I think. Hence my thought. Of course they shouldn’t be allowed to continue. But if they stop after she kicks them back, both of them have learnt a valuable lesson.

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  14. I’d have reacted the exact same way, and have told my daughter to punch back too. We need to teach our daughters they are allowed to defend themselves.
    It is indeed hard raising both compassionate and tough kids.

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  16. Should something more be done? My concern is what happens with the next victim? These boys will learn not to mess with a strong woman, but what about the weak one? Will they just turn their attention away from the girl that hits them back and start sexually harassing the girl who sits by herself and has no friends? Yes. Our daughters need to stand up for themselves, but we also need to have a plan in place to a.) protect those who are not as strong and b.) teach these boys a better model for life.

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  17. I’d be at the school raising hell. I’m kind of a pushover, but when it comes to my kids it’s game on. Hopefully someone can teach those two little boys some manners, otherwise I say let your daughter dick kick them. That ought to be a lesson they don’t soon forget.

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  18. Did you really call the boys’ crotch area their “business?” Do you call your daughter’s crotch her “business?” Think about what that word means and what you’re teaching your children about their “business.” I love that you want to empower your daughter, but she is not too young to name a body part a penis, vulva, vagina, or “privates.” My preference is exact words for exact parts. If something happens they need the vocabulary to discuss it. And the reason I like “privates” when speaking in general terms is that it reinforces areas of the body that are off-limits without permission. Other than that, I agree that we need to give our kids permission to defend themselves physically from physical harassment.

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  19. *seeing red* fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck this makes me so mad. I HATE that M is dealing with this AT SIX FFS! I admire how you handled it, and I know that little girl…..she’s amazing and smart and tough af, and with your guidance and support she will learn great lessons from this and handle it perfectly. You did good, momma.

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  21. Good for you. If my son did that and got kicked in the balls, I’d say he deserved it. That being said, when he was a Freshman in high school, there was a girl who kicked and hit him whenever she got close. He didn’t know what to do other than tell her to stop. I told him she probably liked him but had a bad way of showing it. This did not make him feel better. I asked if her liked her? The answer was no. I offered advise but told him to be prepared for her to never speak to him again, so was he sure he didn’t like her? Again, no. So, I told him the next time she did it, to call her a heifer. As wea all know, that’s a pretty hurtful thing to hear from a boy. Well, problem solved. Never had anymore trouble from her.

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    • That’s funny that you title the outcome as “problem solved.” I think I would have gone with something more like, “More Problems Created As This Was Possibly The Worst Advice Ever To Give Someone.” That might be a little too wordy though.

      How could you possibly thing think this was a good idea…or think this meant “problem solved”??

      I mean, #1, when someone is physically abusing you, saying, “They probably just like you” is one of the very things that has contributed to the abuse of women for decades. And it’s no different for boys. #2, on top of that you put the emotional stress of asking him if he likes her? Of course not!! She’s hitting him!! #3, your lesson to handle this is to call her fat?

      So, now we have a young man who can go out into the world think physical harm equals real love, and that if a woman does something he doesn’t like, he can just call her fat, and it will be ok because Mom said so.

      Oh, I almost forgot the MOST important piece of this…we now have a young woman who, yes, was being violent, and was completely in the wrong…but also, no one even took the time to talk to her, and find out why she was acting the way she does. But, after this, she was taught that her feelings are invalid because her appearance is only what matters.

      So yeah….problem solved.

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      • Bullshit! We are not there to problem solve for bullies. My daughter was put through that politically correct bullshit with a boy that constantly bullied her. He would sit there and sneer. She now suffers from anxiety, emotionally eats. These bullies number on goal is to break down a person. If I had my time over again I would say kick him hard in the nuts and I will deal with the principal and teachers. They are only paying lip service to anti bullying!

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  22. When I was in 3rd-4th grade, there was a boy that “loved” me. He marched up to my mom at the Thanksgiving lunch and informed her he was marrying me one day. My prompt response was “Not if you were the last man on Earth”. He was not deterred. He would lie in wait for me, almost daily and sometimes with a friend to run interference, trying to corner me and kiss me. I kneed him in the balls so many times, it’s a miracle if he’s able to have children today. But he was persistent. Halfway through 4th grade I was done. That day I grabbed the giant, heavy dictionary off the teacher’s desk and brained him with it. Gave him a concussion. He told on me. The teacher told him he deserved it. And that was the end of that. I’ve told my son this story before, and will continue to tell it because if he EVER does to a girl what that boy did to me, there will be hell to pay in my house.

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  23. Pingback: Why I Told My Daughter to Kick Your Son in the Balls – debbjean47

  24. She is already a very strong girl! She, unlike so many others, told you. She knew it was wrong, she tried to stop it, she tried to get the teachers to stop it, SHE TOLD YOU! I am soo impressed with just that. Not only did she tell you but she told you immediately. There are so many kids that are being/have been bullied and they just keep quiet, for years. When it’s too late, people wonder why their child committed suicide. (I’m not great with expressing myself without ending up offending someone, so I’ll stop here.)

    You are obviously doing something right. She’s gonna kick some ass!

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  25. Wow. And DAMMN. I was just thinking about this last night.
    “‘Bullied?’… it’s overused and thrown around…”
    Because I was “bullied.” But no, it wasn’t “bullying,” it was ABUSE. Groping is abuse. And then add verbal abuse. (I was told to ignore it. BWBB, etc.) It got worse, way, before it got better. Life long repercussions.)
    So, go you, and go daughter. Kick ass, take names, and talk to the teacher and the Principal.
    When my daughter had a similar issue, we ended up in the Principal’s office. The first visit, he told her to yell real loud when it happened; on later visits, to kick or hit the abuser. He said if she did, he would give her a lollipop. or a snickers bar. He was also talking to the parent, because my daughter was not the only target.
    You did good, I hope your kid follows through, and thanks for making one more tough girl to get us in to the future.

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  26. You taught her to tell you when something happened. And she did. That’s good already. Now you taught her what to do and reinforced to her that she matters and that her body is hers and that you’ve got her back if people think she broke the rules when she protected herself against others who intruded upon her and wouldn’t take “No” for an absolute-stop answer. Sometimes you cannot protect children from experiencing a breach of boundaries, but you can protect them from continued victimization and validate to them that their body is their own to control. Sometimes the latter is more important than preventing any ugliness from happening: She’d learn she had survived it, and that she has support and that THEY were wrong, even if they were more numerous or seemed more powerful. Good for you. And good for her, for being brave and telling you. Thank you for putting this on screen–I’d shared it already. I’m not for violence, but if it comes to it, self-defense is just that–self-defense.

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  29. When my oldest daughter, who is 18 now, was about six she had a boy that kept harassing her in lunch line and I had a similar talk with her. One day I got a call that she was in the office and found out the same boy put his hands on my daughter and she told him to stop and when he did it again, she turned around and smacked him in the face with her metal lunch box, exactly like I told her to. This “boys will be boys” crap needs to end. I teach my girls to be nice until it’s time to not be nice and they have my full support to protect themselves and friends from harrassment. I applaud your approach and openness with your daughter!

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  30. I remember being kicked in the balls by a girl in the third grade. I don’t recall exactly how I was bothering her, but I do remember the pain to this day. Furthermore, I never bothered that girl again. I’ve told my daughter, who is six, on multiple occasions that she needs to kick a boy in the balls if he is bothering her and doesn’t stop. Boys will learn real quick when properly taught.

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  31. So glad you are teaching your daughter that it is not ok for someone to touch and taunt her. I remember receiving an award “sitting in front of persons name who was pulling my hair, pinching me, poking at me, just being a general ass award”. I told the teacher constantly what he was doing, and nothing was done other than me getting the award, which was pretty much telling me what a good girl I was for putting up with this boys crap! My parents really were never informed so it just persisted the whole year. Good on you for teaching your girl that it is ok to defend herself and that his behaviour is not her fault. I still have that award actually and when my girl was old enough I told her the story as well that she could come to me and things would be taken care of.

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  32. That is sexual assault and the teacher probably did not realize exactly what happened. If she knew then more action should be taken as their is a no tolerance policy for that behavior. Mom needs to inform teacher exactly what went down and also inform counselor and principal. Boys will learn that behavior is unacceptable and the parents need to know to help them learn what good behavior is. Self defense is fine but this needs more action from adults.

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  33. i was an ALPHA female growing up and rarely rarely rarely was i the victim of this sort of behavior…i could always “hold my own”…but i am rapidly aging…i am 60 and thin and NOT strong anymore…and people worry about me walking to my car at night etc…i laugh about it…i am NOT afraid and i have EVERY intention of nailing “whoever” in the balls if the need arises…i never had the opportunity arise…but i AM up to the task….THAT said…i enjoyed the article…let us endeavor to continue raising strong women…we are already smart and make things beautiful…we DESERVE better than we get…amen and AMEN!

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  34. Amen mama!!! Yes! I was bullied as I was growing up and nobody did anything to help me….one day I finally had enough….this boy was throwing sticks and rocks at me, spitting on me etc….I was biking past him, running an errand for my mom….now to explain more, he was always picking on me…..hitting, kicking, spitting on me….I threw my bike down, and clocked him in the left cheek…..almost broke his cheek bone……he deserved it! After all the bruises and cuts I had sustained from this ass hole….he stayed far away from me after that. Good for you in telling your daughter to defend herself! You are absolutely 100% correct here! 0 tolerance is BS! The bullies get away with more than they did before because of bully parents and terrified school officials…..”my child would never do that, they are perfect little angels!” GRRRRRRRR!!!

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  35. So I have a boy and a girl. I come from only girls. I don’t know if either of these enhance or negate my view. All I know is that if someone touches you or humiliates you, it’s fair game to retaliate. BUT I wonder why grabbing a butt and kicking balls aren’t equally wrong. Do 2 wrongs make a right? How do you tell a child that kicking balls isn’t as bad as butt-touching? I guess it all goes down to retaliation.
    Side note: how would you feel about your son coming home and saying a kid kicked him in the balls? Would you tell him he deserved it?
    Thoughts?

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    • I have 2 boys and a girl (they’re grown people now) and I have always made it clear to all three of them that 1) you start nothing – you can control yourself and you will, 2) use your words – tell whomever it is to stop and inform teachers and or parents that something has happened and you have told whomever to stop. 3) if ‘something ‘ continues, ask for help from grownups 4) if no help comes, DEFEND YOURSELF.
      If the situation is urgent, you may skip to #4. We will all deal with the consequences.

      A few more points: A) The “2 wrongs don’t make a right” is a good argument…but for another situation IMO. In the case of 6 year old children, a nuanced discussion of how all violence is wrong is most likely not possible or useful.

      B) They started it and then they would not STOP. I have never heard of there being groups of girls – of any age, much less 6 yr. olds- going around and kicking boys in the nuts; it’s not supported or reinforced in our culture. Occasionally there’s a girl who bullies boys this way, but it’s not anywhere near as common and it generally involves a different kind of kid – it’s still sick & twisty, but not really germane to the discussion. If there is no help around, your children must be permitted to defend themselves.

      C)The hitting on the butt AND the calling her fat is very sexist behavior, plus it is more than one boy, so we have group dynamics – herd mentality – along with power struggles in the mix – involving centuries of history – it’s complicated. Still we know that kids this age have already imbibed the kind of toxic masculinity/sexism that permeates our world. These boys are very likely unconscious of their own motivations in this regard – hell, loads of adult men are unconscious of their own motivations for that matter – but your children must be allowed to defend themselves. Quite frankly, hitting on the butt and the kicking in the nuts in this case is NOT the equal IMO, mainly because of the context..

      d) There is another way that the girl in question may be able to defend herself, but it really depends on the girl. When I was about 13, I was able to get some of my friends together and embarass a few boys who had been bothering and embarassing me. We did it in front of their friends in the cafeteria and that was the end of it. I do not think I would have been capable of this response when I was 6, though I was very precocious.

      I could go on. But I’ll finish with this- I would be very unhappy if one of my boys had come home and told me they were abused in this way. However, knowing my children, I would find out ALL the circumstances surrounding that event to see if they had contributed to that result. If one of my boys had harassed anyone, boy or girl, and been kicked in the balls, at the very least they would have gotten a lecture from me, probably grounding as well. More than likely, I would have gone to the school as well – I lived across the street and would want to know if the adults in charge knew anything about what had happened, and perhaps talking to the other parents. They would’ve gotten a very small bit of sympathy from me – that kind of pain is tremendous and I do love my children – but mostly we would be talking about their own behavior a lot in the weeks and months to come. I do not think I would say that they deserved what they got – but I would make certain that they were crystal clear on their part of the situation.

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      • Well, I just want to comment on your post and tell you that years ago, I don’t know how long ago, I did see a group of about 4-5 girls holding down a boy and kicking him in the balls. The whole time they were cheering the kicker on by saying”kick him where it counts” while they laughed and giggled about it. That’s the only time I have seen a group of girls doing that. But after reading your comment, I figured I’d mention it so now you have heard about a group of girls ganging up on a boy and kicking his balls. It does happen and it was happening back when I was in school.

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      • And how many boys have you seen gang up on a girl? They have a term for that. It’s called gang rape. But man, I guess I missed that news story about gang ball kicking.

        Be right back. Gotta go get my kicks in for the day.

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  39. Pingback: This Mom Is Teaching Her 6-Year-Old to Stand Up to Boys Who Harass Her — by Fighting Back – Baby Magazine

  40. Great to empower your daughter. My older brother taught me to do that (knee them in the balls) when I was about 8 and being bothered on the playground by boys.
    Still, it should go further. The school needs to be involved. You may have to insist. The Principal needs to call in the parents of the boys and let them know what is going on and to educate their boys to stop unwanted touching and name calling and intimidation. The teacher who heard and didn’t follow through needs a visit. Maybe she should be in that meeting with the Principal and the parents. Last, but not least, your daughter needs to be thanked by the Principal, teacher, and those parents for drawing their attention to the problem. This could all happen any time now…no need to wait for another incident. She probably doesn’t want to hurt anyone anyway. Then further inappropriate behavior by the boys, if any, would warrant the injury to their persons and they would have no reason to complain to the school.

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    • When schools have to provide records of bullying, they don’t document it – the school looks great on record! Don’t trust those in power, they serve their own purposes. Trust them once and if nothing changes- go for the bullies nuts! I speak from experience. My daughter now suffers from anxiety, learning to trust people because she was abandoned by the school and left to fend for herself because they promised to protect her. It’s a mean world, we were advised by a psychiatrist that our job is to teach our children to protect themselves. The old school of thought of respecting others is not being taught to kids today. PROTECT YOURSELF! Children believe the mantra of telling a school adult. The problem is there is no follow through or consequences for the bully. Then the victim feels hopeless, leading to depression and other complex problems. I was with my daughter every step of the way and it was a horrible experience – Never Again!

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  41. She has the right to defend herself against anyone! I had to teach my son the same thing when he was in elementary school. He was being bullied & hit by a kid. He followed the chain of command & received no help. He did defend hisself one day & we spent the next day in the principals office. That kid never bullied him again & they actually became friends. It was totally worth that day in office! Best of luck to your daughter as she finds her strength & her voice! Looks like she has a great Mom to teach her!!

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  42. If I had kids, I would train them with role-playing before their first day of school. They would know that most people are nice, but some are unhappy and mean. They would know how to counteract any bullying by using words first. Telling the teacher is not usually effective. And, I believe that kicking somebody in the groin can seriously hurt them. Shins are great targets and broken bones do heal. They will know that defending themselves in a timely manner the first time it happens will usually deter a bully. They will also that they should protect other kids, too.

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  43. How could this parent teach her kid violence. Worthless parent! Have the police called on her little angel for assault. The little girl is likely lying

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    • This parent (I) is not teaching her child violence. She’s (I’m) teaching her to defend herself when someone assaults her and touches her without her consent, and I will tell her a thousand times. Don’t ever call my daughter a liar.

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    • what the hell is wrong with you? Why would you assume the little girl is lying? Why is it okay to teach our sons to defend themselves but not our daughters? This predatory behavior starts somewhere. Little boys who assault little girls (and assault is exactly what is described here) grow up to be predators.

      Also, let’s examine your use of the word “worthless”. In this relatively short article, this mother describes her SIX YEAR OLD daughter being assaulted and is concerned for her daughter’s inclination to hide from her abuser. Then she tells her that if it happens again, to demand her abuser stop..then tell a teacher and if ALL ELSE FAILS..fight back. This is all reasonable. There is nothing unreasonable about a mother teacher her daughter to stand up for herself. But you are seeing lies and worthlessness in a mother teaching her daughter that she doesn’t have to accept or run and hide when she’s attacked? You are willing to call another human being worthless? Worthless? Really? You don’t find that a bit harsh?

      You are either a misogynistic asshole, or you are so pathetic and lonely that you have nothing else to do but attack people online.

      The comment from you was completely uncalled for and you should be ashamed.

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    • Bob, you’re an idiot. Hope you don’t and will never be a parent as you sound like an ignorant, uneducated and worthless human. And by the way dummy, doubt any cop is going to come arrest a 6 year old little girl for kicking a little jerk who just groped her. But you’re probably the kind of guy who finds the drunkest girl at the bar, waits until she passes out and then calls it consensual.

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  44. This is exactly what I told my daughter’s at (sadly) the same age. My son is well aware of how to treat other people. From very young i have taught them all to treat others the way you want to be treated and we talk about consent often.

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  45. My daughter was “bullied ” harassed -( sexual in nature ) whatever you want to call it last year by a few boys . They were relentless. She told her dean – she is 7th grader. Dean spoke to boys . They all said nothing happened. My child was crushed . And I did what you did . Told her to kick them in the balls if they don’t stop ! And they didn’t stop . So she did and the kid dropped to the floor. The group has not bothered her since. And she never got in trouble . If she would have I would have welcomed a chat with the principal. Empowering our daughters is essential!!!!!!

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  46. My little boy has just started preschool age two and it’s led me to ponder how we would deal with any “bullying” situations. At the moment is is too young to understand why anyone would hurt him and he quickly forgives and moves on.

    Reading your experience I think you totally did the right thing. I would also speak to the school and get the teacher to realise the extent of what happened in the hope they may look out for your daughter and teach the boys in question why is it unacceptable.

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  47. i want to cry and my blood pressure is through the roof right now. if it were me, i’d be in the principal’s office first thing the next morning and tell them if those boys touch my daughter inappropriately one more time, i’m calling the cops. that the teacher failed my child. and that i’ve give her permission to beat the crap out of them if they touch her again. then i could be calling a meeting with those boy’s parents and telling them if their children sexually harass my child again, that i will be pressing charges. i don’t care how old the kids are. that’s sexual harassment. and it’s not allowed in the work place and it shouldn’t be ok in the schools. i understand where the author is coming from but what she did was not enough, imo. and the principal and the boys’ parents should be made aware of the inappropriate touching.

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  48. I’m so sorry about what happened to your daughter. I think all parents need to probe a deeper when their child has a problem or a change in attitude. Some don’t know how to express what happened to them and it’s up to us to help them as best as we can.

    It happens to boys too. I have two boys and always told them that everyone deserves respect but if anything inappropriate ever happened to them, then they had the right to defend themselves. One was bullied and the other was groped.

    My oldest was bullied relentlessly and just took it and never said anything to me, until the day his homework was grabbed from him and thrown in the trash. He had had enough and decked the guy. I got the call and he ended up suspended for 3 days along with the other boy because the school had a zero tolerance policy. I told the principle that my child was NOT in any trouble with me and as I walked out of the office I told the other kid’s dad that I’d better never see him or their child near mine again. I must have had it going on because they both looked petrified. I took my son for ice cream and told him not to wait so long the next time. By his senior year he was Master Chief of the NJROTC for his school – Confidence!

    My youngest was groped in the gym locker room by another boy. It’s a good thing that I wasn’t there or I’d be in jail but my son gave him a bloody nose and a few bruises. Yet again, suspended for 3 days. They wouldn’t even let me know who the other boy was but I told the principle that if it ever happened again I would be suing the school, and the other family. They obviously told my child not to tell who he was but they promised to keep them apart. My son is an honest, honorable man, even back then and would never tell me. I guess I should be glad that they didn’t charge my son with assault and battery. I don’t even know if that’s a possibility for a 12 year old. He is also a very confident leader now as an RA in college.

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  49. When my daughter was in first grade a boy in the bus continually pestered her, pulling her hair, pushing etc. I told her to tell the driver which she did but he did nothing & the behavior continued. Ivti then told her she could defend herself …not start a fight but defend herself. She chose to fill her backpack with books & the next time he bullied her she hauled off & swung that book filled backpack & hit him squarely in the stomach. He never bothered her again.
    This was nearly 30 years ago. That boy & his brothers were all bullies. They learned it from their father. He tried to intimidate me more than once. Now these boys are adults. I wonder if they are stil bullies or if someone somewhere helped break their cycle

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  50. Why didn’t you just go to the school and tell them what your daughter told you, and have them contact the boys parents? Rather than wait for it to happen again to her and lay the responsibility on her to get violent with them? As you said, She’s SIX!!! She should not have to physically defend herself at that age.

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