Dear Good Christian Bitch

Dear GCB,

I wonder how cold it is way up there on your high horse where you sit ready to look down at anyone who crosses your holier than thou path. Does it make you feel closer to Jesus (because I don’t really think He lives in the sky)? Do you think you look good up there, pompous and arrogant, a knower of all of the things and a judge to us all? I see you. I’ve watched you for a while.

I see the way you whisper in church with your girlfriends, how you look down your nose at the single mom who comes to church in her beat up jeans with her four kids. I see the way you roll your eyes when the preacher’s wife, a tall pretty blonde, walks up to the pulpit to speak to the children. You see, I’ve been around you my entire life. I grew up with you. I know you well.

You were part of the group of girls who made fun of me at church. You announced in front of everyone that I had a (gasp) run in my stockings. You pointed to my teeth and asked loud enough so everyone could hear why they were so yellow.

In Sunday school.

You made me cry and didn’t apologize. You laughed at me when I forgot the bible verse that I knew but was too nervous to remember when I had to stand at the front of the class.

You were the girl who told the only boy who gave me any attention at church that I was a slut who slept around and that I would give him AIDS. Then you called him gay for liking me.

In junior high. At youth group.

You told the other girls that I was poor. (Perhaps compared to you, I was, but I was rich in something else. Kindness. Love. Compassion.)

I hated church because of you. I laid in my bed on Sunday mornings sick with anxiety waiting for my dad to come in and tell me to get ready. I obsessed about what to wear, how to fix my hair, shoes, fingernails, jewelry, purses, and all because I wanted to impress you, and every time you pulled me into your group and made me feel like I might belong, you dropped another mean bomb on me and exploded any hope that I had of ever fitting in.

At church. In God’s house.

And now, we’re all grown up, and I hear you on your phone with your girlfriend in the grocery store talking about what Joel Osteen says is right and true and good and just, and then after we’ve checked out and loaded our groceries, I see you behind me at the light. You’re annoyed because I’ve rolled down my window to give the man on the corner with the sign a couple of dollars. You think he’s a nuisance to society, that he’s mucking up the scenery of your cute suburban town, and God forbid, you be delayed. You might be a few minutes late to prayer group because I looked him in the eye and told him that he mattered.

You can’t wait to jump online and shame other moms about their parenting. You love to post hateful sanctimonious comments to mothers who are just like you, struggling every day to make it. You look down your haughty nose at other parents who aren’t raising their children the way you are. I hear you. And I see you. You’re quick to judge and point out other people’s faults, and often you do it publicly. I don’t know a lot of things, but I’m fairly certain this is the exact opposite of WWJD.

You use Facebook as a platform to preach God’s love. Your feed shows constant daily devotionals and scriptures to make sure the world knows what a great person you are. Yet, when you’re the center of a group of women, you’re the first to bring up what so and so wore or said or did and get the rest of the girls to join your personal tirade. Then when that same so and so posts that she’s having a hard time on Facebook, you’re quick with the prayer hands emoji and always say “praying for you, my friend,” right before you call your other friend to gossip about her problem behind her back.

You’re the reason I don’t go to church. You’re the reason Christians get a bad name. You’re the very reason I question my own faith. Because how can I be part of a group with so much judgement for people who they don’t understand? I know you’re the minority, that most Christians are inherently good and kind, but you’re louder than everyone else, so you have become the figurehead for me and for a lot of other people.

And that figurehead is the face of a hypocrite. You bathe in the glory of God’s love and forgiveness when everyone can see, but when you think nobody is looking, you’re doing the exact opposite of what you preach. You show your little girl that it’s okay to talk bad about other people. She heard you talking about how Sally is having marital problems and will probably get a divorce and that you can’t possibly be friends with Sally anymore if she’s divorced, and then your daughter hears you and your friend plot out how you’re going to snuff Sally out of your life, and then that sweet little girl goes to school the next day and creates a club and doesn’t allow a little girl to play with the other girls,  and poor little Paisley goes home to her mom and tells her that she no longer has any friends because she wore purple today and everyone else wore pink, and so nobody would play with her. And she’s in kindergarten. Do you hear this?

Let me say it louder.

Your daughter is listening.

Do you want her to see the same woman I see? The Good Christian Bitch who thinks she’s better than everyone else?

I didn’t think so. Get off of your high horse. Put down your prayer hands, and be the person you pretend to be on Facebook, at church, when everybody is looking. Because you know what? I’m always looking. Your daughter is always looking. And all of those sinner/non-Christian heathens whom you’ve spent a lifetime looking down your nose at, they’re looking too, and they’re staying as far away from you and your church as possible. Oh you think they don’t know where you go to church?

You have a sticker on the back window of your Cadillac Escalade, right next to the one with the stick figure family with a mom, a dad, two boys and a girl.  I noticed you because you just flipped me off in traffic. Must be running late for bible study.

Sincerely,

Everyone

PS: If you’re sitting there wondering if this post is about you, it isn’t, but it also probably is.

prayer-hands-emoji

I almost forgot…have a blessed day.

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14 thoughts on “Dear Good Christian Bitch

  1. OMG I love you. I don’t have the same experience as you and I’m not a church goer (mostly a non-believer…if I have to put a label on it, I’d say I’m agnostic). Anyway..my husband’s family lives their lives around their church. And they are horrible HORRIBLE people. They talk about themselves in the most righteous and pious manner yet the way they treat people is terrible. I feel you on this. Thanks for saying it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve seen this my whole life – which I why I have such a bad taste in my mouth for organized religion. I’d describe myself much like Michelle up there, agnostic, but my spirituality isn’t as black/white as that word. I feel like a lot of my distrust comes from seeing the hypocrisy. When I finished reading this, I literally said BOOM out loud. Great piece, M.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think I have met GCB and/or her male counterpart (GCA?) here and there in life. You nailed the pattern here, and reminded me one reason I’m glad I was raised without much churchiness. Beautiful take down, Mandi.

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  4. Wanna know what shook the Christian out of me? Working at a monastery. Under “oxymoron” in the faculty room one of the monks wrote “scholar athlete” and also “good girl”. I added “holy man”. There were a bunch of great men there doing only good for others, but there were a few who were just wrong. Different from where you’re coming, but maybe in the same neighborhood (at the cross streets of Hypocrisy and Sanctimonious.)
    Also, you go girl. You kick ass.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve come across people like GCB, but I think more often just people who (in a less awful way) don’t practice what they preach, or say they believe in.

    That said, I’m not one to throw stones, in any way shape or form.

    But. If we had been in Sunday School together, I hope I would have stuck up for you (if, at that point, I had any stick-up-ability left) and joined you in with my group. Pre-7, we were a little bunch of tearaways. Everything dwindled after that, as families moved away, and I was all by my lonesome.

    Makes me feel really sad that there are people like GCB out there, and I know there are people who absolutely believe ‘that’s what a Christian is’…added to (as of recently) that all Christians are clearly in favour of Trump and the KKK, because what a few do in hatred, the whole group obviously buys into.

    In the end, though, Love wins. Has won already.

    And you, living out your faith and spirituality how you feel comfortable with, you act with love, and I love you for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This makes me SO SAD and SO ANGRY. I’m so sorry you had to experience such ugliness from people who claim to love as Jesus loved, to live as lights in the world that is so dark- when in fact they are the very shadows that darken God’s Light. What a horrible experience for you as a child, and there are many who have been adversely affected by people who slander the cross out of selfish and sanctimonious actions. THESE are the people that stand in between open hearts and God’s love. I’ve written about them too. My heart breaks every time I learn of someone affected by people who continue to muck it all up with their hypocrisy and duplicity and down right heresy.

    I am glad you noted that there are Christians in the world who are NOT like this- and it is my fervent prayer that people don’t measure the love of God through broken people who claim to love Him.

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  7. Man, this is so true of so many of those fake Christians who hide behind their religion. They preach the word of God yet act totally different to others. I gave up on going to church (Catholic here) and being hoodwinked into believing in so much of this. More wars and deaths and murder have been committed in the name of religion. I believe in love and showing compassion and caring unto others. You don’t need any God, or religion, or going to church for that. Live a good life, and treat others they way you want to be treated. It’s just about being a decent human being that matters.

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  8. I suppose I’m fortunate that I’ve never been face to face with a GCB, but then again, she wouldn’t come near me because I’m not Christian, right? I just cannot fathom how anyone of any faith can claim that God (whoever their God is) would think it was okay to spew hate, violence and judgement.

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