The sun beat down on the hot pavement as my sandaled feet walked briskly, matching the pace of the other walkers on 5th Avenue. Sweat beaded on my forehead. Mind over Matter, I thought to myself. I twisted out of my sweater, trying to keep up with my friends and shoved it in my bag, madly searching for my sunglasses to no avail. After retracing my steps in my mind, I furiously cursed myself for leaving them on the subway. Who does that in August? Water like mirages littered the road ahead. I squinted trying to make out where we were going. We turned a couple corners and headed down 6th Avenue. And what did we find? A street fair.
The smell of Gyro’s mixed with empanadas teased my nose. Tents lined both sides of the street. Among them were vendors of all kinds: food, drinks (even the frozen kind), clothing, shoes, hats, and yes…sunglasses. I dismissed myself from my entourage and headed straight for the shaded sunglasses booth.
Being my first time in NYC, I didn’t want to look like a dumb blonde from Texas who didn’t know what I was doing and probably road a horse to the airport, so I squared my shoulders and tried to look coy, like I Ain’t New Ta This. I walked around the booth, eye shopping until I found a pair of gorgeous light brown Dior knock offs. I reached down to pick them up at the exact time a tan hand with long red fingernails reached for the same pair. She giggled. My eyes travelled from her cherry nails up to her…ahem…to her boobs. The biggest boobs I had ever seen, and they were out and proud. Two bronzed melons squished together under a tight, white very deep v-neck tank. She giggled again and said, “You have good taste.” I may have said, “Well, that’s because you’ve got big jugs. I mean your boobs are huge. I mean, I wanna squeeze ’em. Mama!” Or something like that.
Finally, she broke my boob trance and said, “Try them on. They’ll look great on you.” So I did, and she was right. The fake Dior glasses were made for my face. She said, “You have to buy them.” And I said, “No, you get them. You saw them first.” I really wanted those glasses, but I’m from the South, and I’m polite, so I did the polite thing and handed them to her. She looked at me. I shot her my best, “I’m really sweet, and I want these effing glasses” smiles. She bit her lip for a minute while I checked out the rest of her attire. Which didn’t take long. Then she handed them to me and insisted I get them. My Lethal Weapon, my Texas charm, always works.
Just as I started to leave, she motioned me back and pointed to a duplicate pair and said something about us being sunglasses twins. I thought to myself that we couldn’t be further from twins, but I humored her, and we both tried on the shades admiring our reflections in the hand mirror that she held out for us. I watched her go buy her glasses, and then I headed to the same guy to buy mine.
He had I’m Your Pusher written all over him mainly because he had a huge wad of cash in his hands and was wearing sunglasses and a smile on his face when Boobs Mctits exchanged cash with him.
I started walking over and realized I only had credit, and I was pretty certain this was a cash only kind of place. By this time, my husband (who was fiancé at the time) and the rest of our crew had purchased drinks and made their way to the sunglasses tent. I asked him for the money to buy the shades, and he happily obliged. I walked over to the sunglasses vendor, pulled the cash from my purse and started to hand it to him when I felt fingers grip my bicep and yank me back. My fiancé whispered, “What are you doing?” Pulling me away from the vender.
I whispered back, “Buying sunglasses. What are you doing?” And pulled my arm from his grip.
He laughed. Then he said with a big shit-eating grin, “From him?” Gesturing with a nod toward the vendor holding the cash.
“Yes,” I said turning back toward the guy with the cash.
He pulled me back again, got super close to my ear, and whispered, “Do you not know who that is?” I furrowed my brow and shook my head. He bit his lip, stifling a laugh, “That’s Ice T.”
I stood there, mouth agape, and watched as Ice T and Coco walked to a different tent together, his hand comfortably resting at the top curve of her perfectly round ass.
We had a good laugh and told everyone for the rest of the trip how I tried to buy sunglasses from Ice T. I often wonder though what would have happened if he hadn’t yanked my hand back. I’m pretty sure Ice T would have gotten a kick out of it, or we might have had to Escape From the Killing Fields.
photo credit: factmag.com
***If you’re not an Ice T fan, you may not have caught my bold italic references to a few of his songs. Disclaimer: You may or may not get offended by some of the lyrics. You also may or may not understand my confusion.
Cellulite Looks Better Tan 
So effing funny. You’re an OG. I love the Liar Liar reference. Movie quote nerds unite.
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Nerds assemble. I’m on it! You may be the only person on this earth who thinks that I’m an OG, but I’ll take it.
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AHAHAHAHA! This is SO funny! Why does everyone else have these cool-ass star sightings? I NEVER do, not even in NYC. I guess I need to buy sunglasses. You talked to Coco! Btw, I didn’t get a single reference cuz I’m so NOT cool like grape kool aide. I don’t even know what the OG is for in your title.
…..I’ll shuffle back to bed now.
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Actually, Coco talked to me, but that’s because I’m OG. Translation: Original Gansta. Come on, Beth! You’re totally cool like purple Kool-Aid, especially now that you know what OG is..
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Hysterical! It would be pretty hard not to recognize those two, especially Coco. Makes for a great story though!
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In my defense, this was before Ice Loves Coco and CSI. They were newly married. It was even before Coco was in Playboy. And he was wearing shades. He did, though, look very much in love with her. I actually found them kind of sweet.
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I’m embarrassed to admit that I was totally hooked on Ice Loves Coco and watched it all the time during my last maternity leave. This is hilarious!
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He seems like such a nice guy. They were really sweet together, but this was all way way way before Ice Loves Coco. I would recognize her now.
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This was not only hysterically funny but absolutely brilliant! OMG all of the references and how you even channeled some Fletcher in there. Then, “…probably road a horse to the airport” and “Boob McTits…” LOL!! I like to consider myself fairly wise and street smart but I also have a notorious habit for not seeing the obvious in situations sometimes. Thank gawd for wing men to bail me out just like your honey did. More please and I loved this, Mandi! 🙂
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Haha – yeah. I like to think I’m street smart. But it’s never a bad idea to have a wingman. Funny – I wrote something about my wingman yesterday. It didn’t work though, so I wrote this instead. The Fletcher line is one of my all time favorite movie quotes.
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I’d probably do the same thing. I am so clueless when it comes to celeb sightings! Did you end up with the sunglasses?!
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Yes, I got the sunglasses, and so did she, and they were awesome until I lost them in Mexico the next year. I never know who anyone is. I just assume everybody is an average joe like me! Mario Lopez tapped me on the shoulder once so that he could go past me, and I was so stupid, I looked at him and then said, “Hey, you’re Mario Lopez.” He just laughed and said, “Yes I am.”
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The part of this post where ther is no picture of Jugs McGee is very disappointing. I think I like Ice T. No, it’s ice Cube that I like. No, wait, I liked easy e back in his NWA days, but he’s dead now. I also like Snoop, if you can believe that one. Doesn’t Ice T act now? Elite harder being gangsta when you get old, I’m sure. Hey, is Texas really considered part of the South? When I think of southern charm, Texas doesn’t really come to mind. Lol. There are a lot of hot babes there though, so there’s that. Wow, could this comment be any dumber? Lol. Have a great weekend.
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Ha! I’m with Don, I was totally thinking of Ice Cube. Woops!
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Ice T, Ice Cube, NWA, …who can keep them straight? Oh, wait. I can..but I’m OG. Ice Cube – Today was a Great day…I didn’t even have to use my A.K.
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So you don’t hate me? I’m so relieved. Next time I see Coco, I’ll definitely take a photo, but this was all before camera phones, and honestly, I’m not sure I would have been able to take my eyes off her ginormous rack long enough to snap a pic, but next time…for sure.
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That’s AWESOME! I Loooovvve Ice T and Coco – and iced tea and cocoa. – What a great, great story! Thanks for popping by my place. I’m now stalking YOU! You’ve been warned. 😉
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Ooooh! A stalker. I love it. I love iced tea and cocoa, but I can take or leave Ice T and Coco. I’ll be popping by much more. Just started following you! Does that make me a stalker?
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Best “Liar, Liar” reference I’ve seen in a blog post! I instantly cracked up. Thank you for that one. Your descriptions are so sensory – I could feel the NYC heat and I could smell the street fair..
Anyway, I love this story. That’s exactly what happens. I walked past David Hyde Pierce in a crosswalk and smiled and he smiled back. I guess I thought he looked familiar, but I grew up not far from NYC and in a city of millions, I have often run into people I know.
Not Ice T and Coco, though!
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It’s probably a good thing that I don’t have frequent run ins with celebrities. I’m clueless about 98% of the time. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you come back!
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OMG, how I love discovering someone awesome. You are FUNNY.
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Thank you! That’s my favorite compliment! Thanks so much for stopping by – I hope you come back again!
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I knew it!! I wondered if that was Coco due to all the references, but then I thought not because I always think of her more as a giant bottom than giant boobs (but maybe that says more about me than her). I am so jealous you saw IceT and Coco!! You and Coco are SUNGLASSES TWINS!! Squee!! –Lisa
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Well, I had a full on cleavage view and didn’t see the giant bottom until she joined Ice. Had I seen that ass…kidding. I was completely clueless that day….well…every day really! We were sunglass twins. I lost mine. Boo!
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Not that I’ve ever met him in person, but Ice T seems like one of those cool people who would be fun to have at a party. I bet he would have gotten a kick out of you trying to buy sunglasses from him (or perhaps he would have just politely taken your money and thanked you for your business!).
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I agree, Jana. I’m sure he would have laughed. Coco was so nice. Surely he would have been, too.
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I only know Ice T from Law and Order:SVU, so I didn’t get any of your song references. I did understand the need for a good looking pair of sunglasses, and the need to stare at Coco’s girls. Sometimes I wonder how many famous people I’ve actually encountered and had absolutely no clue.
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I promise, Dana, there was no way around staring. It’s SVU not CSI…I kind of think it’s a little ironic that he plays a cop after his prior angry raps against them. I’m glad her grew up! It’s strange how many celebrities I’ve encountered and didn’t recognize, but I’m not usually in the know of pop culture.
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Ha! Lovin’ this Mandi. And yes…I just so happen to know who Ice T is, although I’m more a fan of his acting than his singing. He has a few songs I really like but I LOVED his role in “New Jack City” (Scotty Appleton). That is completely hilarious that you didn’t recognize him. But you had us laughing from the very beginning & the introduction of Boobs McTits. Of course the Southern charm won out! It will every time. My husband is an Italian from New York & tells me all the time how different it is in the South. I remember when we moved from Florida to North Carolina. A few weeks after arriving, we we’re doing a lot of errands, getting everything set up in he house we bought. Every time we’d head to the store, as we’d pass a vehicle he’d look at them strange, turn around then look at me & say. Why did he wave at us?! Do you know him? What’s going on? Why is everyone waving like they know us. Of course I had to explain to him that in the South, waving is quite common & we have even been known to tip hats, hug & pat backs as well. lmao! Phenomenal post Mandi, sharing now!! 🙂
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Thanks, Inion N. Mathair for sharing!!! I love how people react when they hear my slight accent. I’ve been to NY several times since then, and I always get the same reaction. They love it. People always tell me that New Yorkers are rude, but I’ve yet to meet one. I think I’ve paid for maybe 1/3 of the drinks I’ve gotten in NY because they trip all over themselves at my accent and my manners. It’s not so bad.
I love the friendly nature of Southerners. My mom never meets a stranger. It’s one of my favorite things about her. Your comment made me smile this morning. Thanks so much for reading!!
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Why in the world was Coco buying knock offs? And why was Ice-mutha-effin-T letting her? I thought she made plenty of money being a hooker.
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She was buying knock offs because she saw some fly chick from Texas looking at an awesome pair, so she said: “I need those”. I’m a trendsetter. For real.
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Living in Manhattan we see them all the time. I have probably forgotten many I saw. I also wrote a post about it.
http://blog.theregularguynyc.com/?p=4864
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