I hear my name called. I put a hand over my mouth and make my “what? I’m shocked” face. I hug my husband who sits to my right and Adrian Grenier who sits to my left. He grabs my ass discreetly. I giggle, and he kisses my cheek. I make my way down the red carpeted aisle to the marble steps, my red silk dress flowing behind me. My four inch Valentino heels click click click on each step. I reach the podium, look out at the crowd and begin.
“Thank you, Beth from www.bethteliho.wordpress.com for this nomination. I am truly grateful and humbled that you thought of me. The Sunshine Award…wow. And from you?” (I sigh here for dramatic effect) “I remember sitting across a table at a restaurant with my friend, Beth.” (I point to her where she sits on the first row, smiling and blushing in a green dress that brings out her eyes.) “We were talking about her book, which is so incredibly awesome, and one day you’ll all read it, and I told her that she needed to get on Twitter and Facebook and maybe even start a blog, and then she did, and wow….she’s one of the best bloggers out there, and then she…that same girl…the one who’s my blog hero…creates an award and nominates me. I’m speechless.” Well…not really.
I told her that I wrote an acceptance speech in jest, and she said I should, so I did. That’s the best I could come up with, Beth.
I’m supposed to tell you seven things about me. Seven (funny, funny Beth)…here ya go. Brace yourself…actually I’m not all that interesting, but I follow the rules:
1. I have FOUR brothers, eight nephews, and no nieces. My mom had four brothers. My dad had four brothers, and my husband has two brothers. Somehow in all of these XY chromosomes, a second X appeared, and my mother birthed a girl, and then weirdly and unexpectedly another XX – my daughter.
2. I have an unhealthy, slightly obsessive, high school girl crush on Adrian Grenier. It started 15 years ago and hasn’t stopped. My friends think I need an intervention. I know what I need.
3. I hate shopping, and make-up, and most things girly…to the point where my husband gets annoyed and always asks why he married a boy. See #1.
4. I am extremely competitive in sports, games, and anything that is a competition. I get really into it, and I really really dislike losing.
5. I once had to have over 50 stitches in my face. Actually it was more, but I never could get past 50 when I counted. The driver side window of my car decided to go through my head.
6. I play the piano, and I’m not too terrible. I love to hear a song and then tinker around on my piano until I figure it out, playing it over and over and over until it’s perfect. Sometimes I break down and buy the music, but I prefer to play most songs by ear. My kids love playing, “play the song from…” game. And they get really excited when I play their requested song for them.
7. I attended the 2007 Emmy awards. I even got to buy an awesome dress and walk the red carpet with the celebrities. My husband won a contest at work, and he chose me to be his date. Highlights of the night: I sipped champagne with Ali Larter. She’s even prettier in person. Keven Bacon winked at me, so next time you play the “Six Degrees of Separation” game, you’re one degree closer. You’re welcome. And the best and biggest highlight: I breathed the same air as Adrian Grenier. I missed him on the red carpet though. Apparently, punctuality wasn’t important to him that night. It’s ok. I forgave him.
My Questions from Beth:
1. If you could go back in time ten years and tell yourself one thing, what would it be?
Hmmm…to go back to 25. I would tell myself to wear more sunscreen and to stop smiling all the time that those laugh lines would be permanent. Nah….I think I’d tell myself… “Be still. The best is yet to come, and spend more time with your mother. She won’t always be the same.”
2. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked and not just because I like that feeling…wait…who said that?
3. Beth asked: If you were to take me on a date, where would we go and why?
I think I would take you to Rosa’s on a Tuesday for lunch. It looks something like this: We sit and talk for hours, face to face. You eat a delicious vegan burrito (I called ahead and had them prepare this. I’m awesome and thoughtful.) while I eat my non vegan tacos full of trans fat and cholesterol. We sit and eat and talk, and of course, we notice that every time we look out the window, another giant truck is going through the drive thru, and then about three hours into our lunch, a huge, silver F250 creeps slowly through the drive thru and stops right in front of the window. We turn our eyes to the big silver truck as the driver side window rolls down and this tattooed bearded guy sticks out his finger and points to you and gives you that “come here” sign coaxing you with that teasing index finger of his, and you look at me and say, “really?”, and I say, “well yeah…I know I’m a catch and all, but I knew if you were to have a fantasy date, you should get your fantasy, so here you go. You’re welcome.” He looks at you, smiles and says, “Wow. You’re even prettier than your Avatar photo.” And I watch as you and your almost fiance/sex tape partner walk back to the silver truck and get in. The window rolls up, and there may or may not be rockin’, but I’m not knockin’ because well…I still have a big trans fat cholesterol full taco to eat, and it’s delicious.
4. Above all else, what are you afraid of? Suffocating, literally and figuratively.
5. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Adrian Grenier – and publish a book.
6. What has been your favorite age to be and why?
I’m 35 now, and I really thought it was going to be tough, but so far, 35 has been my favorite. I think it’s because every new year with my kids is better than the last. I always say, “I love this age,” talking about my kids’ age, and yet, I like the next age even better.
7. Coffee or tea?
Wine – oh ok. Coffee.
BLOG NOMINATION TIME!
Nominees: do with this what you want. No obligations. If you choose to do an awards post, answer the questions I had to answer, and give 7 facts about yourself. Then nominate any amount of bloggers you choose up to eleven. Because Beth is funny – see: 7:11
- Beth over at http://www.bethteliho.wordpress.com – because she’s Beth. I read the rules like 14 times, and it doesn’t say that I can’t nominate her even though she created the award. I mean…she is sunshine, in every way, and she makes my world…brighter.
- Clair Duffy at http://www.thegrassisdancing.com/ She always seems to post while I’m sleeping (maybe because she’s in Sweden), but I usually read her words from my phone while I’m trying to make myself get out of bed, and she always wakes me up with a smile.
- Kate at: http://anothercleanslate.com She’s so cute and fun and makes me smile…and well…brings me sunshine.
- Dana with http://www.kissmylist.com She probably has about a zillion awards, but she’s funny and snarky, and I like her. She is also very supportive, and that’s great to this baby blogger.
- Aussa: http://aussalorens.com/ another great blogger who always makes me chuckle. Always! And she’s hot, too. I’m sure she has more followers than God, but still, she brings me sunshine, and I love her blog!
I could keep going, but Beth already nominated most of my favorites, and I don’t know if I’m allowed to renominate them, and I’m still not sure I deserve to be nominated in the first place. I’m going to try to say nominate again. See, “nominate!”
Cellulite Looks Better Tan 