Why I Told My Daughter to Kick Your Son in the Balls

There was an article that went around last year that my virtual writer friend Ashley Fuchs wrote called The Reason My Daughter May Punch Your Son. When I read the article, my daughter was in kindergarten. In my mind, she was years away from this kind of harassment, so I read it, and I shared it, but I didn’t internalize it the way some of my fellow parents did. Because I thought I had more time.

Turns out, my time is up.

“Mom, I got bullied today,” she said as we walked home from school.

“Bullied?” I questioned. I don’t like the word. I think it’s overused and thrown around, and I have a hard time thinking that my sassy, very independent little girl could possibly be bullied, so I questioned her a little. She tends to be dramatic, and by the time we got home, she said some boys were chasing her on the playground. I told her not to play with them anymore if they bugged her, and that was that. We went on with our day.

Fast forward to dinner where she brought it up again. We always go through our highs and our lows of the day, and when it was her turn to voice her low, she said, “Some boys bullied me today.” Since this was the second time she brought it up, I probed harder.

“Tell me exactly what happened, ” I said. She went on to say that some boys were hitting her butt on the playground, and when she told them to stop, they called her chubby and laughed at her.

That’s right. Two boys put their hands on my daughter, and when she told them to stop, they called her fat and made fun of her. Let that sink in for a second.

Want to know where they learned that? I have an idea.

Rage boiled inside of me, but I squelched it and asked her what she did next. She said she told the teacher, and the teacher told them to stop, but they didn’t.

The more I listened, the angrier I got. She showed me on my own butt what they were doing, and it can only be described as groping, but she didn’t understand that.

BECAUSE SHE IS SIX!

We discussed how inappropriate and unacceptable it was/is, and I commended her for doing the right thing by telling the teacher.

She put her head down and said, “Tomorrow, I’m just going to hide at recess.”

I pulled her into me and lifted her chin up so she could look me in the eye, and I said, “NO. You will not let two boys ruin your free time. You will not allow them to take your fun away. They are breaking the rules. If they do that tomorrow, you say ‘Keep your hands off of me.’ If they do not stop, you tell the teacher. If they continue to bother you, you turn around and step on their feet, or kick them in the shins or their business, and if you get in trouble, go ahead and tell your teacher to give me a call.” I explained that she might end up in the principal’s office and that we would deal with it if we had to, but I made sure she knew that she was empowered to defend herself.

Our boys are learning from us. It is not innate that when a girl says no, they immediately go to calling her fat or ugly. This is learned behavior. Your job as a mother and as a father is to make sure your sons (and daughters) know better. I can tell you that if I learned that my son had touched a girl the way these boys touched my daughter or spoke to another child the way they did, there would be some serious consequences at our home. He knows better. He’s been taught to respect all people, all women, your daughters, so if he steps out of line there, I want to know.

Parents, teach your sons (and daughters) that they are not entitled to touch anyone anywhere, that my daughter’s back side is not for their hands, that if they do put their hands on (MY) child, they will not get away with it because she will defend herself the best way she can.

Thoughts?

(To read more of Ashley Fuchs’ articles, visit her page: The Incredible Adventures of the Malleable Mom.)

 

Strong 2

Photocredit: Stock photo

 

 

 

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180 thoughts on “Why I Told My Daughter to Kick Your Son in the Balls

  1. Good for you Mandi! I can’t believe some of the abuse you’ve been getting from men over teaching your daughter how to effectively defend herself against male attackers. I’m quite shocked, but at the same time I’m so pleased to see that you’ve stood your ground and let the article stay up, on display for all to see just as it should be.

    There’s a well know youtube clip really worth listening to, where a woman has decided to share her story of how she successfully defended herself against a man who attacked her within her home one day when she was home alone. What’s really remarkable is that she did this when she was only 14 years of age! She’d been taught a powerful self-defense move by an aunt of hers, who herself had learned about it from an Oprah show.

    What happened is that when he overpowered her she reached out and snatched his testicles and refused to let go of them. She squeezed them so hard that one of them ruptured and the other one was damaged, even though he’d begged her at one stage to let go of him, she wisely did not do so. He ended up in a hospital, and eventually jail. Apparently he’d had a history of violence against women, so who knows what he would have done if she’d let go of his testicles before she’d immobilized him.

    This incredibly brave 14 years old girls actions possibly saved her life. Female responders praised her actions, but many male responders (who subsequently had their abusive posts deleted) were not happy about her actions. It appears that they are so uncomfortable with a female taking advantage of their “special vulnerability” that they’d rather see her hurt than defend herself. We shouldn’t let these kinds of men bully us, and we should all teach our daughters to fight back – and if that means with a swift kick to the balls if nothing else works then so be it.

    I tried to post a link to her story but unfortunately I don’t think your blog allows links as my post disappeared. You can find the youtube video however by searching within youtube for this text: “An amazing womans story and an inspiration to all women and girls” It’s an audio clip just over a minute long and it should be the top search result.

    ALL women and girls should listen to and be inspired by her, as well as learn that WE CAN fight back!!!

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  2. I just read your comment and first, I just wanted to point out that the clip on YouTube that you’re talking about is fake, made up. I’ve seen it myself. I’ll just leave it at that and secondly, she is talking about 6 year old kids in this post which gives no right to teach them violence, especially in that area. These boys aren’t sexual preditors or guys with violence against women, they are 6-8 years old themselves and if she didn’t call the school so that they could talk to the parents and the parents could discipline their kids then she is in the wrong for not being a parent and trying to protect her kid from those bullies, she simply is turning her daughter into a bully herself. Lastly, you definitely can not say that my views come from me being a guy and I don’t like the idea of kicking in the balls cause you don’t know me and the stuff I said above was because of my belief against bullying and the protection of children cause children are precious but they do bully each other and parents need to teach them not to be a bully, don’t teach them to be bullies cause that won’t be as effective as any of you might think.

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    • Hi “Adam.” I told the school. But I also told my daughter that it was a last resort if the boyS continued to touch her on her butt (which is considered sexual assault in adulthood). I did not teach my daughter to be a bully. I taught her to defend herself. And I’ll tell her again and again. The balls (per the article) are a last resort. But if boys on the playground are grabbing my daughter in her private part, she has my permission to DEFEND herself. So perhaps these boys’ parents need to teach their sons to keep their hands to themselves, and then I won’t have to teach my daughter to defend herself. Defense is not bullying. That word is overused.

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      • I know what you are saying and I did read further down in the comments and saw that you did go to the school. However my point and thoughts on it is that she is 6 and presumably so are the boys who are bullying her so even though they continued after the teacher was told by your daughter, she is still only 6 and not old enough to understand the “last resort” concept and therefore if she ends up in a similar situation, that will become her only resort instead of getting it resolved the way that you did this time by talking to the school and she will think it’s ok cause you told her to do it and once a child is told it’s ok to do something by their parents, they think it’s ok and then start to justify doing it just to do it and that’s how some can turn into bullies themselves. Again, these are simply my thoughts on the article. I mean, you wouldn’t have given her a knife or gun to take to school telling her to only use it if necessary would you? I don’t think you would cause she wouldn’t know the difference between necessary or unnecessarily shooting them in self defense cause she is only 6. Also as a side comment, you said in the article that she didn’t know she was being sexually harassed by those boys, but with them being 6, do you really think they knew entirely what they were doing? That’s the reason I have my stance on this, they knew they were being mean but that’s part of growing up, kids will be kids as the saying goes and the best way to handle it is not to tell your 6 year old that she needs to defend herself and beat them up to teach them a lesson, but instead notify the adults who are responsible for teaching those boys not to do that stuff because if the parents don’t know it’s happening then they can’t stop it. So I do applaud you for talking to the school but I don’t agree with teaching her to be violent like them cause she isn’t old enough to comprehend when to do it or not do it, she is only 6. Sorry my response was so long and with no paragraph spacing. But anyway, I’m all for teaching kids to stand up for themselves but when they are old enough to be able to make rational decisions about when it is or is not appropriate to use any kind of force whether a kick to the balls or a throat punch, which, by the way, is way too extreme for simply snapping a bra strap. Doesn’t you’re friend know that even though it might hurt women and girls, a lot of times, guys do that as a way of flirting, especially teens. I know me and some of my friends did it in high school and also even to girlfriends we had after high school, just playing around. I’m not saying it’s right if she was asking them to stop but a throat punch is too extreme for that in my opinion. Anyway, it was interesting to read both articles and that’s my long and lengthy opinion.

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      • Oh Adam. Stop being one of those who dismisses rape culture. Do you know that this is where it starts? Elementary school. This is where girls are
        Taught to ignore boys harassment because they’re “flirting.” This is where girls are taught to apologize for being upset when a boy steps over the line. This is where girls are taught that boys who hit them do it because they like them. This is where girls are taught that boys are allowed to get by with things (touching a girls butt) that girls will get in trouble for. I will not promote that. And if you do, please just stop. I don’t want to argue with you about it. When a girl is told her whole life that a boy hits her because he is flirting, what happened when she’s 20 and he punches her in the elevator? He must like her a whole bunch, huh? When a girl is told that she can’t defend herself physically with a boy who is being physical with her, what happens when she’s 19 and a boy comes to her dorm, and she says no? He doesn’t take no. He says she asked him to her dorm so she must have wanted it. Girls are made to cover up their shoulders at school because they aren’t supposed to distrustful the boys. Do you see a pattern here? Boys will be boys? But girls have to take it? No. Stop this now. My child is told to keep her hands to herself. She is taught to be kind to everyone. She is taught to be bold and say what she means. And she is taught to defend herself. To first tell them to stop with words. To second find an adult. To third defend herself. And don’t for a second discredit my daughter’s ability to understand that. She’s smarter than you. She understand comma placement and that the word is BEcause.

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  3. As I clicked the notifications tab I’ve just been blown up on notifications of the many comments on this! If I may weigh back in and dress a few different people, I’d appreciate it.

    For starters, I’ve thought a lot about my correspondence with Mandi, both about the subject of her blog (teaching her daughter, or girls in general, to kick boys in the balls) as well as the feedback and responses she has gotten.

    I absolutely think she is a good mom who is looking out for the best interests of her daughter. People, including myself, kept overlooking she DID go to the school first, and she also did tell her daughter to go for the balls last. I think many of us (I am guilty) read the headline and focus primarily on that…and as such we incorrectly draw the conclusion she is just telling her daughter to start kicking boys with no regards to the consequences. But that isn’t the case…she wants to teach her daughter confidence and self reliance and she feels if some boys get sore balls, she doesn’t care. And yes, as a male, part of me has to admit it’s….frustrating that women/girls lack empathy and don’t care that they can put us in such a state. I admit I’ve struggled with this since I was a kid, and a girl kicked me. But, begrudgingly, that’s OUR problem as men, and why should women care if they wreck our privilege?

    My biggest issue with what she advised was merely that at their age, she may not understand or appreciate the effectiveness of a kick to the balls, and the extreme dominance she would have over the boys. Especially as boys at that age are kids themselves, even if bullies. Additionally, I didn’t agree that the kids were sexually harassing at a pre-sexual age.

    I have come to, per her replies, change my mind about the latter part. Even if the boys are unaware what they are doing is wrong, it could have negative effects on her daughters psyche. Yes, Iw as preoccupied with the physical and psychological damage her daughter, or any girl, could easily do to a boy’s body or ego by kicking him in the balls. It can have a life lasting impact. But, so can a girl feeling violated or objectified. She might then go through life with a victim mentality. Mandi helped me realize this.

    That is not to say I think it’s fair for a girl at that age to wreck a boy with a well placed groin kick…but I realized, if she (Mandi) had to chose between a boy growing up lacking confidence or her daughter, she’s going to choose her daughter. I cannot blame her for that! Especially when she reminded me her daughter was on the receiving end of the bullying.

    Additionally, Mandi originally came off to me as hostile and combative…which I mistook as a sort of feministic defiance or even reveling in idea of the reversal of power dynamic among young boys and girls by aiming for the nuts. But, she pointed out she has received harassment and even threats for writing an article about defending her daughter. I’ve read lots of the replies on here, and I DO see some fragile masculinity that she is not afraid to call out. Arguably, I was among them, to an extent. Maybe we as men have to come to grips that we do struggle with strong, opinionated women, and we can’t “handle” the idea that a woman, or even a girl at a child level, easily best/beat a boy, especially by taking advantage of his balls. Again, as someone who was beaten by a girl by that very means as a kid (though older than her daughters age), I have had to admit it’s hard to come to grips and swallow our guy pride and see it as “fair”. I can see where other males on here (I won’t call them MEN as no MAN would ever threaten a woman/mother/child) have really shown their asses.

    So addressing some of you individually (and sorry I dunno how to tag):

    Becausef*ckyouthatswhy I hope Mandi reported you to authorities. If you’re some kid who thinks he is funny, you’re not. Threats are serious. And if you’re a full grown male who was sincere, I hope the cops arrest you.

    Nicola, Now all that being said, I hope this doesn’t come across as me being an insecure male, but, Nicola, you go into great detail about grabbing and squeezing a guys balls. Do you have any idea what you’re suggesting?! I mean, you clearly understand how EFFECTIVE that is, because you even point out a guy can pass out from having his balls squeezed, and yes, he can DIE. So, do you really think that should be taught to a little girl?!? If a girl at 6 grabbed a boy at six by the balls, he’d be LITERALLY helpless to do anything about it, and she could quite easily squeeze him until he passed out, or she crushed his testicles, or ripped them off, or he died. A child wouldn’t realize this, and she might even think what she was doing was funny or fun and cold inadvertently endanger, main or kill the boy who’d be unable to stop her or likely even call out for help. The guy who replied to you even said HE was unable to stop a woman who grabbed him and HE was an adult (where a man has a size/strength advantage, and a woman would have restraint), so imagine how helpless a 6 year old boy would be!!

    Kat, please see my reply to Nicola. I am VERY glad that teenage girl saved herself form being raped. I have NO PROBLEM with what she did to him, if you’re going to rape, and you get castrated, GOOD. So, she did nothing wrong crushing him….but, that was a 14 year old girl defending herself against a rapist. Not a 6 year old girl who gets curious and thinks it’d be funny to see what would happen if she grabbed and squeezed her classmate.

    Adam, I think you share a similar viewpoint to mine own. I even agree with your analogy about the gun/knife and eyes, and I too feared that if Mandi taught her daughter to kick a boy in the balls, an she did it even once, she might decide she likes it and turn the tables and become a bully herself. but, please read above, and take her reply to you to heart. She has helped me realize that dangerous precedents can be set at a young age that can effect a girl later in life. It’s a complicated issue. I think, like myself, you’re a nice guy who means well, and like me, has a hard time with the idea that women are teaching their daughters to kick boys in the balls.

    -Troy

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      • Well, thank you. You really have helped me realize things I hadn’t fully considered, including coming to grips with my own fragile masculinity. While we may still disagree on wether a 6 yer old girl should kick a boy in the balls, you have helped me realize her not doing so could have consequences. And yes, I consider you a friend!

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    • Damn my man, what exactly happened to you as a kid that made you so insecure and give ya such confidence issues? You keep referring to it, might as well spill what happened.

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    • I see a lot of what you’re saying Troy. However, again, as my post had said, her daughter is 6 and those boys are around 6. They are all kids, Yea they were bullying her and touching inappropriately, but it’s not”rape culture” it’s kids, being billy’s which as one poster commented is just another word for abuse, which it is. I, myself, was bullied in school. It doesn’t just happen to females, so I know where she is coming from on that. And the only reason I said that her daughter wouldn’t understand the concept of “last resort” is because she needs to be able to communicate effectively to the adult she goes to for help before resorting to drastic measures like that, which she didn’t do in this case when she told her teacher and it’s not because of her gender, she simply”minimized” it because of her age. I’m not posting to argue with anyone. I’m simply putting my thoughts on here about the subject because I have no problem with females kicking balls, I just don’t believe in encouraging any sort of violence with kids and in my mind, at 6 years old, there really isn’t any self defense. Also, I’m a writer and I do know comma placement, but when I use my phone, grammar and punctuation becomes lazy and I don’t worry about it. 😀 Anyway, those are my thoughts again.

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      • Well, like you, my biggest qualm is with the age…because a boy at the age of 6 will be entirely unable to protect himself from a kick to the testicles. And as such, boys at that age would be easy targets to be victims of girls bullying them by kicking them where they aren’t coped to handle it.

        I’m not entirely sold on the idea of “rape culture” but Mandi is right in that the boys actions could condition her daughter to be dismissive of sexual harassment or unwarranted advancements. Her daughters confidence might be at risk, for life, because of their actions. So while they’re not yet sexually mature, they’re still technically doing a sexually lewd act. So, yes, it’s bullying but it is also something more. It took me a while to be convinced about this, but she’s right.

        I don’t get what you’re saying though, because she DID tell her daughter to aim for the balls last, and she DID go to the teacher, and her daughter never ended up having to get physically confrontational. It had a happy ending, so, why are you, or rather, what are you criticizing?

        For my part (I don’t expect you to go back and re-read my previous posts), I am all for her daughter standing up for herself, and she should be equipped to do so…that means 1.) belief in herself 2.) confidence in her decision to do so 3.) the knowledge to know how to do so. My only issue was that a kick to the groin is completely debilitating so a fight between a little boy and a little girl, where the girl KNOWS to kick the boy in the balls, the girl will win EVERY time. The boys would be helpless to stop it. I therefore, thought it way too dangerous and irresponsible to empower a girl at that age with this knowledge as it would be a game changer and put boys at a complete disadvantage with no hope to win if a girl so sought to kick them. I worried about the potential lifelong mental or physical trauma the boys might suffer as a result.

        But Mandi helped me realize my concern for the boys safety might come at a cost of her daughters long term self confidence might be jeopardized. And that isn’t fair, either. Why should her daughter “take it” so as to not risk the boys, when they’re the aggressors? She DID responsibly teach her daughter to aim there as a last resort. And six year olds absolutely can find themselves in positions where they need to defend themselves.

        And I might ad, my biggest issue was age, because if a 16 year old boy were doing to a 15 year old girl the things Mandi described I’d absolutely advocate for her kicking him in the groin….he’d be old enough he should know better, and the sexual dimorphism at that age would have kicked in and she’d be at a size, strength, weight disadvantage, etc. to say nothing of aggression. So, I think all girls should know self defense, effective self defense, and that involves going for the weak spots and targeting testicles. I didn’t think a 6 year old (who would presumably use that knowledge on other six year olds or younger) should have that knowledge or endorsement of a maternal authority, but at the same time, it’d literally be the ONLY defense a child would have against an adult or even teen attacker/abductor, so even on that I am starting to reconsider. I dunno, it’s very complicated. I don’t have kids so I’ve never had to truly think about what advice one feels it’s safe to give, but, Mandi felt it important to empower her daughter, and if that meant at the expense of the boys who were bullying her daughters balls, so be it. She’s a mother, and it’s her daughter, and she has the right to defend herself against sexual (even if they don’t understand it) assault.

        And I don’t know what you’re referring to about the commas? I know I write long, run on sentences, it’s a bad habit of mine. So, sorry? Or were you referring to something else? I’m confused.

        -Troy

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      • As far as what I said about the commas, that was actually in reference to a reply Mandy made to me and it wasn’t about you. And, I’m not criticizing anything per-say, all I’m saying is that a kick to the shin or balls is uncalled for just for “bothering” her. If I might explain, cause I do see the point of “defending” herself, however, this is what I’m saying: she goes to the teacher and says “those boys are bugging me”, well the teacher might think she means they won’t let her play with a toy that they had first so she doesn’t do anything about it so she kicks them in the balls thinking she did what she had to do step by step but she never really told the teacher anything, so how would that be a justifiable self defense in that situation?
        Now let’s turn it around and say that all they were really doing is not giving her a toy that she wants, she tells the teacher but the teacher does nothing cause they had the toy first. Does that warrent a 6 year old kicking another 6 year old? 2 opposite scenarios, both of them don’t justify those actions. Yes I know she talked to the school and it was resolved that way, but what happens next time if she doesn’t communicate the situation or if it turns out to be a situation like the one I mentioned with the toy? Again, these are all my thoughts and the only thing I’m criticizing is how a lot of people on here act like these 6 year olds are adults. They acknowledge that they are 6 but then talk about her having to defend herself from sexual harassment, which it is, but I don’t think telling her to get violent back at them, even telling her as a last resort, before going to the school was the way to prioritize. There are other ways to build self esteem and to empower her rather than telling her to beat up other 6 year olds who are picking on her. That’s my opinion and yea it’s her daughter to raise however she is going too, even if that means to be a little bit violent. Again, just my thoughts and opinions, which no one ever cares for them but I give them anyway lol. And yes, the idea that tapestry start at a young age, I don’t believe that. Most people are not the same as they were at 6 years old. Things change and people change. Not everyone does but most do. And at 6 years old, they should be given a chance at life, not condemned for something they haven’t done based on what they are doing at 6 just because of what some A-hole middle aged men have done to the girls mom. There’s a large age difference between 6 and someone who’s 30 or 40. Also, as a side note, if she had ended up kicking them and it worked to get them to leave her alone, they would just bully someone else because they wouldn’t know what they had done wrong. Bullys do that, they pick on those weaker than them. But it can be curbed with words like it was this time, cause adults know how to better stop bad behavior so it doesn’t spread to another victim. Sorry I’m rambling a little at the end here.

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  4. I assume you’re talking to me? If you meant Adam, please disregard. I mean, I alluded to it, but, I got kicked by a girl as a kid, and it had a profound impact on my developmental years. But as far as going into detail of what happened, I don’t want to derail or clutter Mandi’s story/responses, so if she wants says it’s okay or if she wants to hear it, I’ll explain. But, out of respect to her, I cant answer without her say so.

    -Troy

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      • Oh I certainly don’t mind….I mean it might give some insight into my initial mindset/male insecurity regarding the issue/topic originally. I just didn’t want to litter your page.

        Well, long story short, when I was 12, I played soccer, and my team was part of a city tournament. I don’t know if is different now (segregated by sex), but back then, the tournament was co-ed (this was early 90’s). Nearly every team was either all male or maybe had 1-2 girls on them, so I rarely ever competed against the opposite sex, but in the championship game, it was my team versus an all girls team (private all girls school). I was uncomfortable competing against them, as I’d never really had to square off against girls before….yes, as I said some teams were co-ed, but I never really had to go up against any girl for more than a play or two.

        All that being said, I was still very self assured we would win, because despite the fact that they’d blown out all their competition, I chalked it up to those teams being poor (in hindsight I recognize my own youthful ignorance/machismo) or sloppy or dumbfounded to be playing girls. I was very confident that, at the very least, I would dominate because they were girls, and I was a boy. The game was held at their field, and so most of the crowd was their family/faculty/etc, so they were definitely the “home team” and crowd favorite, and there was definitely a sort of “girl power” (the was the early 90’s), feministic buzz in the air, but that further fueled me to dominate.

        To make the situation worse, though, as I watched them practice, these girls were EXCEPTIONALLY good. I was the best player on my team, and I was a center striker. They were all really amazing (I remember being shocked they were so good, for girls) but the BEST player on their team was this very tall (she was 2-3 inches taller than me) tanned brunette girl who played their sweeper and striker combo. That meant I would wind up going head to head with her. I’d watched her compete, and was worried about just how incredible she was. She was visibly VERY fit, long legged and lean, and she had an air of self assuredness about her. It made me uncomfortable because she was actually so fit, so fast, so confident and so GOOD that I was actually slightly intimidated/nervous, and my ego resented the I was made uneasy by a girl. To make matters worse, she was EXTREMELY cute/pretty and that also made me angry and uneasy that not only was I worried about competing with her and losing, but I was attracted to her.

        Once the game started, I soon realized just how good she was…despite my speed (and I was FAST) she would continually slip past me or steal the ball from me, and she was making me look bad. Not BAD, in truth but given I was the star of the team, struggling as I was, I felt like she was really embarrassing me. I told myself I didn’t care she was a girl I was going all out, and soon, I started getting more and more physical, expecting I could intimidate her being a guy, and playing rough. Well, she didn’t back off, she got mad, and started giving it right back… before long we were elbowing each other and slide tackling and shoving, etc, and I was growing ever increasingly furious that she seemingly had the audacity to like…match my aggression.

        As the game worse on, we got to the point the ref (a woman) warned us to stop being so antagonistic with each other. At one point when we were competing jostling for position, and elbowing one another, I either elbowed her a bit too hard or she had just had enough I guess, and she warned me, “If you don’t stop I’m going to hurt you.” I was insulted and pissed andjsut like, simulated by the brazen lack of propriety she had (yes, as a girl) threatening me, so I laughed and said something dismissive along the lines of daring her or acting unconcerned like it couldn’t happen. When next the ball came my way, she came to steal it from me, and I tripped her (it was genuinely an accident, just competing) and I laughed at her as she fell. She cussed (I remember it was the first time I’d ever heard a girl cuss), and I took the ball and ran with it, and a few seconds later I heard her running up behind me. I turned around to face her and she stops just short of me, visibly pissed, and I cockily expected her to try and steal the ball, and had it behind my heel waiting for her her charge for it. She was looking flushed and angry, glaring at me…I remember seeing fury in her eyes and I remember I was grinning obnoxiously, and just said, “What?”, awaiting her attempt at a steal, when she just jutted forward full speed and kicked me square in the balls.

        I remember a white flash and the next thing I knew I was crumpling over and fell into her, and she held me up, and a just sickening sensation of pain washed over me and a horrifying disbelief. She said something as she pushed me off her, and took the ball, and I fell to my knees and curled up cupping myself and started screaming. The referee blew her whistle and walked over and asked what had happened. I was coughing and trying not to sob, ashamed and embarrassed but feeling physically ill and pain I’d never felt before. The ref realized what had happened and asked the girl if she’d just kicked me in the balls. She was standing over me over and said yes, almost proudly. The ref started laughing, but said she had to issue her a yellow card, but paused and asked, “Wait, was it on purpose? Or was it an accident?” the girl looked down at me and smirked and said it was an accident, so the ref called a pause to the game, while I recovered, and the girl went completely unpunished. I’d never been kicked in the nuts before and needless to say I’d never felt anything as overwhelming before….it was pain mixed with nausea and cramps and I was absolutely mortified that I was being watched by so many, and holding my privates, and right in front of the girl who’d kicked me no less.
        I distinctly remember hearing hoots and hollers of encouragement from women in the stands, and lots of laughter and some people yelling out jokes of mock encouragement. She just stared down at me cool faced and perhaps a little smugly satisfied, asking occasionally if I was okay. I’d never been more embarrassed and humiliated in my entire life, because I’d just been bested by a girl (that I was attracted to no less) and trying and failing to process what she had done to me!

        When I was finally able to stand up, two teammates helped me off the field and to the bench. I never returned to the game that half, and they went up on us 6-2…she scored the final 4 goals (and all 6 of them) in my absence. I had scored our only two before she’d kicked me. I tried telling myself it was because my nuts were still in agony that is why I never went back in but the truth is, I was both too ashamed to compete against her and I was scared. After half time my coach yelled at me for being a wuss, and demanded I go back in. I was still in considerable pain and slowed immensely from it, something she immediately picked up on. She once agains started pushing the action, but I was apprehensive and shied away, and I remember her laughing and asking me, “Whats wrong?” Every time we fought forth ball, and she’d kick up at it, I’d cringe and grab myself protectively, and I think she as intentionally kicking very close to me to keep me scared and off guard. Basically, she’d broken my will. She dominated me, and I never scored another goal, and they won 8-3.

        After the game, I was humiliated and ashamed, and hearing those girls cheer and celebrate was salt in my wounds. When it came time to go shake their hands, I was too bitter and petty to greet her, so I slinked off, hoping to slip away unnoticed, but the ref caught me and demanded I come shake her hand. I was trying not to cry, and shaking I was so mad. She just smiled and stuck out her hand and said, “Good game.” I said nothing, and she said, “You’re pretty good, you played me hard.” I was raging inside at her false modesty and pity for me, or maybe that she was the bigger person than I. I didn’t take her hand, and she said, “Don’t be a poor sport.” The ref said, “Take her hand and congratulate her on a good game.” I shook her hand, reluctantly, and turned to walk off when she grabbed me by the wrist, and said, “Are you mad I kicked you?” I saw red, so angry that she’d flippantly ask me that given my utter shame, and was SO mad I couldn’t even formulate words, and tried blurting something scathing out but all that came out was an incoherent bumbling mumble. She laughed and shrugged and said, “Sorry, I guess.”, though her tone and demeanor implied anything but. She bounced off, and I walked home in considerable pain, still aching, and obsessing over what she’d done to me.

        It took me years to get over it. In truth I’ll never COMPLETELY get over it, but I now realize that my masculinity had been shattered and she’d stolen my pride, a sort of unearned male swagger and bravado by kicking me. I felt exposed, and weak and humiliated. I thought “How dare she?” Like, what gave her the right to kick me, there? How dare she, a girl, do that to me, a boy? I felt it was unfair, and a crime, that she should be punished and it infuriated me that she seemingly didn’t care, like what she’d done was acceptable, or her right. My subconscious sexism really was challenged, because I felt superior, as a male, and felt as much rage at her audacity to not only challenge me/compete against me but to so callously kick me in the no-nos. She was a girl, so she had no right, and had NO idea what that felt like, so how dare she put me in THAT kind of agony? My sense of security and superiority had been demolished by her when I became arrow of just how easily she had taken me down and brought me to my knees, with NO real effort. Compounding the issue, I was very, very much attracted to her (and impressed by her) so it caused a great deal of confusion inside me. I became shy, angry, reclusive, introverted, and wary of girls, especially pretty girls. I became resentful and slightly misogynistic, and really became loathsome of any girl empowerment movements or narratives.

        A few yers later, when I reached high school, she and I attended the same school. I was not even sure she remembered me, until she approached me, as though she’d never done anything wrong and tried talking to me. She was very polite, and I was short and rude, as I was still angry, resentful, humiliated, secretly attracted and at that awkward age anyway where hormones and emotions flare. After repeated attempts the next few weeks to be nice to me and make friends when we saw each other at lunch or in class, she finally blew up at me and asked me what my problem was, and “Are you still mad you lost that game?” I said no it had nothing to do with losing the game. She looked confused, and then it seemed like she suddenly realized WHAT I was mad at, shook her head dismissively, and said, “Are you mad because I kicked you in the balls?” Again, my anger boiled up because OF COURSE I was…it’d bothered me for years at that point, not a day going by I did’t this about it, and she was so nonchalant and callous about it. I said, of course I was mad, and she laughed and said I was being stupid, and to “get over it.” This only made me angrier and I asked her what right she had to have (done that to me), especially as a girl, and she said, “Every right! Especially as a girl!” We discussed it, with me going ever more upset she saw no issue with what she’d done, even finding it amusing, until I started really acting like a jerk and she finally turned sour and possibly even hurt and said, “Maybe I ought to do it again.” I was at the point of snapping, half wanting to get violent, but scared that she really MIGHT kick me again, and if she did, I couldn’t handle that humiliation, so I hesitated, scared, and she made a face and walked off, upset, and I was both angry I’d cowered at a girl, scared, and HER of all girls, and also felt shame for being a jerk, as again, as confused as I was, I sort of think I had a crush on her as much as I resented her.

        I didn’t really get over it and grow up until my senior year. For years, I harbored insecurities, and resentment, and failing to come to grips with my fragile male ego made me passive aggressive and rude and sexist, and I really hurt myself and cost myself some of the best years of my life, all because I couldn’t handle a girl had beaten me and humbled me publicly by kicking me in the balls.

        Now, please, I’ve grown considerably since then. I was a kid, and young and stupid and conditioned to be a bit sexist (hence why what she did to me affected me so, psychologically). I do NOT feel that way anymore. By all means, few free to scathingly rip who I was or what I did and don’t hold back on the comments, but do know I am NOT that foolish, entitled little boy any more suffering from male privilege. I just hope it gives some insight as to the psychological trauma a male CAN possibly have when a girl kicks him in the testicles.

        -Troy

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  5. No offense my man, but that’d actually kind of funny. I don’t mean the obsession you went through, I just mean when she kicked you. You gotta admit that’s hilarious. But I guess I can see where that’d be a tough pill to swallow, getting straight punked publicly by a girl.

    But you screwed up, cuz it sounds like she was into you, and you were clearly digging her, despite her owning you, and you blew it being proud. Let me tell you, ain’t nothing in the world like getting head from a girl that has busted your balls. It ads some kinkiness.

    But bottom line, you gotta get over that shit guy. It happens. You underestimated her and left yourself open. And, seriously, you have to admit now that her tagging you is kind of funny.

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  6. I don’t have to agree, but I’ll elaborate on why in a moment. I mean, I suppose I can see where others think it was funny. I’m not so self centered I can’t admit others can find humor at my expense, nor will I pretend physical pain/humor isn’t funny, especially when it’s unexpected or exaggerated. So, I can absolutely see where onlookers saw her kick me and found it funny. She kicked me out of nowhere and I was down for some time.

    But I don’t think it was funny because it happened TO me. It sucked, it was excruciating pain I’d never experienced before, and I didn’t deserve it. She kicked me out of nowhere, which was dirty, and even if I’d known she was about to attack me, I was too young and unaware that she would aim her kick there, so I was woefully unprepared for it.

    And I certainly could see where she might have thought it was funny, because it was as result of her kick. But she seemed to take more pleasure in it than amusement. Like, a sense of pride/satisfaction, if that makes sense. In hindsight, putting myself in her position, I think she was angry that I’d tripped her (in truth she tripped herself on my leg, but I assume she thought I’d tripped her), and probably felt angry or embarrassed, so she wanted to get back at me. That said, and maybe I am biased, what she did was excessive.

    Now, to be fair to her, maybe she felt I’d intentionally tripped or embarrassed her, and she felt justified in picking a fight with me, but she didn’t have to kick me in the balls! And, giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she didn’t know what she was doing, as in, she wasn’t aware of how much that hurts, but then again, maybe she got the exact results she wanted. Either way, she sure didn’t seem bothered by doing it, or how I felt. And she went unpunished, and it was extremely advantageous for her as it took me out of the game, and she went on to dominate. But I don’t see how I am at fault for what she did to me, “underestimating” her or whatever. I was a kid.

    As for the assertion I screwed up a potential relationship out of pride, I have often thought back on regret at how I handled myself. I was angry and bitter and still extremely embarrassed about it, so I couldn’t get over it to talk to her, and her niceness to me came off as being nonchalant about what she did. I now recognize she was just being polite and she just didn’t care about kicking me in the balls. For her it was long in the past, and maybe she even felt justified in it, so why should she regret it? So she didn’t understand why I was a jerk. But for me I was still consumed by it. She had no way of knowing that, but it doesn’t excuse my rude behavior. I admit now, looking back, I wasted an opportunity to, at the very least, make a friend, but possibly have something more, because I do realize now I DID have a big crush on her, despite her kicking me. And, had I been more mature, I might have had something special with her.

    In fairness to me, I was still young and a teenager, so, inexperienced and dumb. But my male ego at the time couldn’t accept that she’d done that to me. I’m sure most women would find that to be dumb or sad. But you’re a guy…we’re stubborn.

    -Troy

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  7. Adam,

    Gotcha. I thought you were criticizing my run on sentences/long posts. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

    Again, I think we generally agree, as you express the same concerns I do/did, chiefly that these boys are also six, and while bullies, vulnerable children. A girl that kicks them in the balls, while defending or liberating herself, in essence turns the tables and the boys become the victims. At six, no boy is prepared to process that kind of physical agony, and there’s nothing they could do to stop a girl from kicking them there. Also, I fear at six, no girl would truly appreciate or understand the gravity of kicking a boy in the balls “responsibly” (as in truly for defensive only purposes), and might just kick boys for trivial matters, as you suggest, and would very likely enjoy the newfound power they had, or enjoy the reactions they get out of kicking the boys in the balls, and would, essentially, start kicking the boys all the time for fun/enjoyment/power, effectively becoming bullies themselves. And again, the boys would be powerless to stop it.

    It really is frustrating, because I’ve come to realize there’s no right answer. I share your concerns and voiced them (albeit not as well as you did), but Mandi also raised valid points that changed my mind, too. And perhaps, life isn’t fair and there has to be a loser in a situation.

    The one thing I disagree with you on is the idea that, if her daughter kicked one of those boys in the balls, they’d still be bullies. I think if her little girl DID kick either of (or both of) them, they would experience agony they could never imagine possible, and would immediately stop bullying her our of fear- because if she kicked him once she could do it again. I guarantee you they’d leave her alone!! And that was what Mandi knew, and why she taught her daughter how.

    -Troy

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  8. Firstly I would rather people settled their differences by words rather than physical violence. And secondly I doubt that the tactic of kicking or punching a boy of 6 in the balls is as painful as when they re older. I don’t remember hurting myself from dropping things on them or from being hit by a football till I was 11 or more.

    Thirdly to hear al these people denying a girl a right to defend herself by saying to be kicked in the balls is as bad or worse than a boy molesting and sexually abusing a girl are like another sort of person. You know the racists who are told that what they are doing is racist and then say well Black people are racist too. Or when talking about slavery will come up with Black people owned slaves too. Mass enslavement of a people is not to be equated with a few exceptions in a mad system.
    And for some to say that to use the ball busting weapon is one too far and that it might humiliate the boys if they lose to a girl well that just sums up their sexist attitude entirely. What is worse a boy quickly and effectively punished for abusing and hurting an innocent girl being bullied or a girl who is traumatised and educated that her pain and humiliation is so much more less than a boys. When he has learnt from some sexist male that he can treat a woman that way. Well the person teaching him to think that way is far more damaging than a kick to his balls.

    And why shouldn’t people take advantage of those pain ganglions that show that far from the bully being all powerful but that he is weak and vulnerable. Vulnerballs to use a pun.

    No the mother is right and other women and fathers are right to say kick the bully in the balls.

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