There was an article that went around last year that my virtual writer friend Ashley Fuchs wrote called The Reason My Daughter May Punch Your Son. When I read the article, my daughter was in kindergarten. In my mind, she was years away from this kind of harassment, so I read it, and I shared it, but I didn’t internalize it the way some of my fellow parents did. Because I thought I had more time.
Turns out, my time is up.
“Mom, I got bullied today,” she said as we walked home from school.
“Bullied?” I questioned. I don’t like the word. I think it’s overused and thrown around, and I have a hard time thinking that my sassy, very independent little girl could possibly be bullied, so I questioned her a little. She tends to be dramatic, and by the time we got home, she said some boys were chasing her on the playground. I told her not to play with them anymore if they bugged her, and that was that. We went on with our day.
Fast forward to dinner where she brought it up again. We always go through our highs and our lows of the day, and when it was her turn to voice her low, she said, “Some boys bullied me today.” Since this was the second time she brought it up, I probed harder.
“Tell me exactly what happened, ” I said. She went on to say that some boys were hitting her butt on the playground, and when she told them to stop, they called her chubby and laughed at her.
That’s right. Two boys put their hands on my daughter, and when she told them to stop, they called her fat and made fun of her. Let that sink in for a second.
Want to know where they learned that? I have an idea.
Rage boiled inside of me, but I squelched it and asked her what she did next. She said she told the teacher, and the teacher told them to stop, but they didn’t.
The more I listened, the angrier I got. She showed me on my own butt what they were doing, and it can only be described as groping, but she didn’t understand that.
BECAUSE SHE IS SIX!
We discussed how inappropriate and unacceptable it was/is, and I commended her for doing the right thing by telling the teacher.
She put her head down and said, “Tomorrow, I’m just going to hide at recess.”
I pulled her into me and lifted her chin up so she could look me in the eye, and I said, “NO. You will not let two boys ruin your free time. You will not allow them to take your fun away. They are breaking the rules. If they do that tomorrow, you say ‘Keep your hands off of me.’ If they do not stop, you tell the teacher. If they continue to bother you, you turn around and step on their feet, or kick them in the shins or their business, and if you get in trouble, go ahead and tell your teacher to give me a call.” I explained that she might end up in the principal’s office and that we would deal with it if we had to, but I made sure she knew that she was empowered to defend herself.
Our boys are learning from us. It is not innate that when a girl says no, they immediately go to calling her fat or ugly. This is learned behavior. Your job as a mother and as a father is to make sure your sons (and daughters) know better. I can tell you that if I learned that my son had touched a girl the way these boys touched my daughter or spoke to another child the way they did, there would be some serious consequences at our home. He knows better. He’s been taught to respect all people, all women, your daughters, so if he steps out of line there, I want to know.
Parents, teach your sons (and daughters) that they are not entitled to touch anyone anywhere, that my daughter’s back side is not for their hands, that if they do put their hands on (MY) child, they will not get away with it because she will defend herself the best way she can.
Thoughts?
(To read more of Ashley Fuchs’ articles, visit her page: The Incredible Adventures of the Malleable Mom.)
Photocredit: Stock photo
Cellulite Looks Better Tan 
Nicola, let me assure you, what you say is true. The only time in my life I’ve EVER felt truly helpless was when a girl had me by the balls. It is extremely effective and truly an advantage (or rather a weakness of our male anatomy) you women can exploit.
A little backstory…I’m a 6’4” black man, pure muscle, have played football, boxed, am tough as nails, and, I’ll be honest, when this happened, I was 22 and a bit of a macho chauvinist and misogynist. I was a dick. I was hitting on this blonde at a bar, and I want taking no for an answer. I was horny, and stubborn and cocksure. I made the mistake of pissing her off and kept pushing her more and more, and she finally got angry enough she threatened me. Of course I laughed because, she was like 5’6” and maybe a buck 10? Yes, she was VERY fit, but, I knew I had absolutely nothing to fear, and if anything, it was cute that she actually thought she could hurt me. I told her as much, calling her little warning “adorable”, and I patted her on her tight little ass.
Fatal mistake.
She didn’t say a word and just reached down and grabbed my balls and squeezed down HARD! I instinctively buckled over and reached down to pull her hand away, but when my hands wrapped around her tiny little wrist, she wrenched down HARD, and twisted, and I nearly puked. I have NEVER felt anything even CLOSE to as excruciatingly painful in my entire life. All the wind was taken out of me, my entire abdomen was spasming, as were my legs, my earns were ringing, my head was spinning and throbbing in pain worse than a migraine, and my vision started going grey/tunneling. I could not breathe or even think about anything except the crushing void between my legs. I mean that literally, my brain was misfiring…she turned me into an idiot. It as overwhelming. I demanded she let me go, and she just tightened her vice grip, and twisted, and shoved me up against a wall and told me I was in no position to make any demands, and then demanded that I apologize.
The pain was excruciating, but, as I said, I’m a big, proud black man, and so I angrily refused….and she just said coldly, “Apologize or I’ll pull them off,” and she yanked down hard on my nuts. I felt an agony I never knew was possible, and she robbed me of any and all remaining stupid stubborn male pride – I was apologizing profusely, and begging her to let me go. She twisted and wrenched and proceeded to scold/lecture me for what felt like an eternity about the things I’d said to her leading up to her grabbing me (as I said, I was a dick and I had made several sexually suggestive comments), and how she would not be disrespected. By this point I was rocking in anguish. I’ve never felt so weak, and helpless and vulnerable and exposed as I did when she had me by the balls. It was a hard thing to experience, very humiliating and humbling. I really do feel she held my fate in her hand…she was in complete control, dominant. And I hate admitting that.
She finally let me go and I crumpled up on the floor like a baby. It took me over a half hour to recover enough to even stand up to leave, ashamed and aching and feeling tiny. And it took me weeks to come to grips (no pun intended) with the fact that I got my ass kicked by a little white girl. But, it truly did teach me a lesson in respect and arrogance/overconfidence. So, yes, the grab and squeeze technique definitely works. Highly effective.
Oh, and the story does have a happy ending….2 years later I ran into that same girl at the gym, and she approached me…and I’ll admit, I was scared…but we got to talking and she seemed impressed at my newfound respect and maturity and we ended up becoming lovers.
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Good for you Mandi! I can’t believe some of the abuse you’ve been getting from men over teaching your daughter how to effectively defend herself against male attackers. I’m quite shocked, but at the same time I’m so pleased to see that you’ve stood your ground and let the article stay up, on display for all to see just as it should be.
There’s a well know youtube clip really worth listening to, where a woman has decided to share her story of how she successfully defended herself against a man who attacked her within her home one day when she was home alone. What’s really remarkable is that she did this when she was only 14 years of age! She’d been taught a powerful self-defense move by an aunt of hers, who herself had learned about it from an Oprah show.
What happened is that when he overpowered her she reached out and snatched his testicles and refused to let go of them. She squeezed them so hard that one of them ruptured and the other one was damaged, even though he’d begged her at one stage to let go of him, she wisely did not do so. He ended up in a hospital, and eventually jail. Apparently he’d had a history of violence against women, so who knows what he would have done if she’d let go of his testicles before she’d immobilized him.
This incredibly brave 14 years old girls actions possibly saved her life. Female responders praised her actions, but many male responders (who subsequently had their abusive posts deleted) were not happy about her actions. It appears that they are so uncomfortable with a female taking advantage of their “special vulnerability” that they’d rather see her hurt than defend herself. We shouldn’t let these kinds of men bully us, and we should all teach our daughters to fight back – and if that means with a swift kick to the balls if nothing else works then so be it.
I tried to post a link to her story but unfortunately I don’t think your blog allows links as my post disappeared. You can find the youtube video however by searching within youtube for this text: “An amazing womans story and an inspiration to all women and girls” It’s an audio clip just over a minute long and it should be the top search result.
ALL women and girls should listen to and be inspired by her, as well as learn that WE CAN fight back!!!
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What if your son or grandson told you that a girl at school was touching them down there would you get as angry or angry at all? And what about these grown mothers and fathers that laugh when they’re little boys get hit in the balls, and then ask are you okay with a little grin on their face? And did you know that kicking a sack of that young can lead to stuff like internal bleeding? For once I would like to see a cute truthful little mothering article on these things
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I just read your comment and first, I just wanted to point out that the clip on YouTube that you’re talking about is fake, made up. I’ve seen it myself. I’ll just leave it at that and secondly, she is talking about 6 year old kids in this post which gives no right to teach them violence, especially in that area. These boys aren’t sexual preditors or guys with violence against women, they are 6-8 years old themselves and if she didn’t call the school so that they could talk to the parents and the parents could discipline their kids then she is in the wrong for not being a parent and trying to protect her kid from those bullies, she simply is turning her daughter into a bully herself. Lastly, you definitely can not say that my views come from me being a guy and I don’t like the idea of kicking in the balls cause you don’t know me and the stuff I said above was because of my belief against bullying and the protection of children cause children are precious but they do bully each other and parents need to teach them not to be a bully, don’t teach them to be bullies cause that won’t be as effective as any of you might think.
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Hi “Adam.” I told the school. But I also told my daughter that it was a last resort if the boyS continued to touch her on her butt (which is considered sexual assault in adulthood). I did not teach my daughter to be a bully. I taught her to defend herself. And I’ll tell her again and again. The balls (per the article) are a last resort. But if boys on the playground are grabbing my daughter in her private part, she has my permission to DEFEND herself. So perhaps these boys’ parents need to teach their sons to keep their hands to themselves, and then I won’t have to teach my daughter to defend herself. Defense is not bullying. That word is overused.
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I know what you are saying and I did read further down in the comments and saw that you did go to the school. However my point and thoughts on it is that she is 6 and presumably so are the boys who are bullying her so even though they continued after the teacher was told by your daughter, she is still only 6 and not old enough to understand the “last resort” concept and therefore if she ends up in a similar situation, that will become her only resort instead of getting it resolved the way that you did this time by talking to the school and she will think it’s ok cause you told her to do it and once a child is told it’s ok to do something by their parents, they think it’s ok and then start to justify doing it just to do it and that’s how some can turn into bullies themselves. Again, these are simply my thoughts on the article. I mean, you wouldn’t have given her a knife or gun to take to school telling her to only use it if necessary would you? I don’t think you would cause she wouldn’t know the difference between necessary or unnecessarily shooting them in self defense cause she is only 6. Also as a side comment, you said in the article that she didn’t know she was being sexually harassed by those boys, but with them being 6, do you really think they knew entirely what they were doing? That’s the reason I have my stance on this, they knew they were being mean but that’s part of growing up, kids will be kids as the saying goes and the best way to handle it is not to tell your 6 year old that she needs to defend herself and beat them up to teach them a lesson, but instead notify the adults who are responsible for teaching those boys not to do that stuff because if the parents don’t know it’s happening then they can’t stop it. So I do applaud you for talking to the school but I don’t agree with teaching her to be violent like them cause she isn’t old enough to comprehend when to do it or not do it, she is only 6. Sorry my response was so long and with no paragraph spacing. But anyway, I’m all for teaching kids to stand up for themselves but when they are old enough to be able to make rational decisions about when it is or is not appropriate to use any kind of force whether a kick to the balls or a throat punch, which, by the way, is way too extreme for simply snapping a bra strap. Doesn’t you’re friend know that even though it might hurt women and girls, a lot of times, guys do that as a way of flirting, especially teens. I know me and some of my friends did it in high school and also even to girlfriends we had after high school, just playing around. I’m not saying it’s right if she was asking them to stop but a throat punch is too extreme for that in my opinion. Anyway, it was interesting to read both articles and that’s my long and lengthy opinion.
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Oh Adam. Stop being one of those who dismisses rape culture. Do you know that this is where it starts? Elementary school. This is where girls are
Taught to ignore boys harassment because they’re “flirting.” This is where girls are taught to apologize for being upset when a boy steps over the line. This is where girls are taught that boys who hit them do it because they like them. This is where girls are taught that boys are allowed to get by with things (touching a girls butt) that girls will get in trouble for. I will not promote that. And if you do, please just stop. I don’t want to argue with you about it. When a girl is told her whole life that a boy hits her because he is flirting, what happened when she’s 20 and he punches her in the elevator? He must like her a whole bunch, huh? When a girl is told that she can’t defend herself physically with a boy who is being physical with her, what happens when she’s 19 and a boy comes to her dorm, and she says no? He doesn’t take no. He says she asked him to her dorm so she must have wanted it. Girls are made to cover up their shoulders at school because they aren’t supposed to distrustful the boys. Do you see a pattern here? Boys will be boys? But girls have to take it? No. Stop this now. My child is told to keep her hands to herself. She is taught to be kind to everyone. She is taught to be bold and say what she means. And she is taught to defend herself. To first tell them to stop with words. To second find an adult. To third defend herself. And don’t for a second discredit my daughter’s ability to understand that. She’s smarter than you. She understand comma placement and that the word is BEcause.
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And the Articles picture is a shirt of her saying strong like Mom and looking aggressive and mean… Aggression isn’t strength it’s emotional impulsion and if anyone teaches their kid to be emotionally impulsive, then they shouldn’t wonder why the world is such a f***** up place.
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As I clicked the notifications tab I’ve just been blown up on notifications of the many comments on this! If I may weigh back in and dress a few different people, I’d appreciate it.
For starters, I’ve thought a lot about my correspondence with Mandi, both about the subject of her blog (teaching her daughter, or girls in general, to kick boys in the balls) as well as the feedback and responses she has gotten.
I absolutely think she is a good mom who is looking out for the best interests of her daughter. People, including myself, kept overlooking she DID go to the school first, and she also did tell her daughter to go for the balls last. I think many of us (I am guilty) read the headline and focus primarily on that…and as such we incorrectly draw the conclusion she is just telling her daughter to start kicking boys with no regards to the consequences. But that isn’t the case…she wants to teach her daughter confidence and self reliance and she feels if some boys get sore balls, she doesn’t care. And yes, as a male, part of me has to admit it’s….frustrating that women/girls lack empathy and don’t care that they can put us in such a state. I admit I’ve struggled with this since I was a kid, and a girl kicked me. But, begrudgingly, that’s OUR problem as men, and why should women care if they wreck our privilege?
My biggest issue with what she advised was merely that at their age, she may not understand or appreciate the effectiveness of a kick to the balls, and the extreme dominance she would have over the boys. Especially as boys at that age are kids themselves, even if bullies. Additionally, I didn’t agree that the kids were sexually harassing at a pre-sexual age.
I have come to, per her replies, change my mind about the latter part. Even if the boys are unaware what they are doing is wrong, it could have negative effects on her daughters psyche. Yes, Iw as preoccupied with the physical and psychological damage her daughter, or any girl, could easily do to a boy’s body or ego by kicking him in the balls. It can have a life lasting impact. But, so can a girl feeling violated or objectified. She might then go through life with a victim mentality. Mandi helped me realize this.
That is not to say I think it’s fair for a girl at that age to wreck a boy with a well placed groin kick…but I realized, if she (Mandi) had to chose between a boy growing up lacking confidence or her daughter, she’s going to choose her daughter. I cannot blame her for that! Especially when she reminded me her daughter was on the receiving end of the bullying.
Additionally, Mandi originally came off to me as hostile and combative…which I mistook as a sort of feministic defiance or even reveling in idea of the reversal of power dynamic among young boys and girls by aiming for the nuts. But, she pointed out she has received harassment and even threats for writing an article about defending her daughter. I’ve read lots of the replies on here, and I DO see some fragile masculinity that she is not afraid to call out. Arguably, I was among them, to an extent. Maybe we as men have to come to grips that we do struggle with strong, opinionated women, and we can’t “handle” the idea that a woman, or even a girl at a child level, easily best/beat a boy, especially by taking advantage of his balls. Again, as someone who was beaten by a girl by that very means as a kid (though older than her daughters age), I have had to admit it’s hard to come to grips and swallow our guy pride and see it as “fair”. I can see where other males on here (I won’t call them MEN as no MAN would ever threaten a woman/mother/child) have really shown their asses.
So addressing some of you individually (and sorry I dunno how to tag):
Becausef*ckyouthatswhy I hope Mandi reported you to authorities. If you’re some kid who thinks he is funny, you’re not. Threats are serious. And if you’re a full grown male who was sincere, I hope the cops arrest you.
Nicola, Now all that being said, I hope this doesn’t come across as me being an insecure male, but, Nicola, you go into great detail about grabbing and squeezing a guys balls. Do you have any idea what you’re suggesting?! I mean, you clearly understand how EFFECTIVE that is, because you even point out a guy can pass out from having his balls squeezed, and yes, he can DIE. So, do you really think that should be taught to a little girl?!? If a girl at 6 grabbed a boy at six by the balls, he’d be LITERALLY helpless to do anything about it, and she could quite easily squeeze him until he passed out, or she crushed his testicles, or ripped them off, or he died. A child wouldn’t realize this, and she might even think what she was doing was funny or fun and cold inadvertently endanger, main or kill the boy who’d be unable to stop her or likely even call out for help. The guy who replied to you even said HE was unable to stop a woman who grabbed him and HE was an adult (where a man has a size/strength advantage, and a woman would have restraint), so imagine how helpless a 6 year old boy would be!!
Kat, please see my reply to Nicola. I am VERY glad that teenage girl saved herself form being raped. I have NO PROBLEM with what she did to him, if you’re going to rape, and you get castrated, GOOD. So, she did nothing wrong crushing him….but, that was a 14 year old girl defending herself against a rapist. Not a 6 year old girl who gets curious and thinks it’d be funny to see what would happen if she grabbed and squeezed her classmate.
Adam, I think you share a similar viewpoint to mine own. I even agree with your analogy about the gun/knife and eyes, and I too feared that if Mandi taught her daughter to kick a boy in the balls, an she did it even once, she might decide she likes it and turn the tables and become a bully herself. but, please read above, and take her reply to you to heart. She has helped me realize that dangerous precedents can be set at a young age that can effect a girl later in life. It’s a complicated issue. I think, like myself, you’re a nice guy who means well, and like me, has a hard time with the idea that women are teaching their daughters to kick boys in the balls.
-Troy
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We can be friends now Troy. We aren’t fighting anymore. 😉 Thank you.
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Well, thank you. You really have helped me realize things I hadn’t fully considered, including coming to grips with my own fragile masculinity. While we may still disagree on wether a 6 yer old girl should kick a boy in the balls, you have helped me realize her not doing so could have consequences. And yes, I consider you a friend!
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Damn my man, what exactly happened to you as a kid that made you so insecure and give ya such confidence issues? You keep referring to it, might as well spill what happened.
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I see a lot of what you’re saying Troy. However, again, as my post had said, her daughter is 6 and those boys are around 6. They are all kids, Yea they were bullying her and touching inappropriately, but it’s not”rape culture” it’s kids, being billy’s which as one poster commented is just another word for abuse, which it is. I, myself, was bullied in school. It doesn’t just happen to females, so I know where she is coming from on that. And the only reason I said that her daughter wouldn’t understand the concept of “last resort” is because she needs to be able to communicate effectively to the adult she goes to for help before resorting to drastic measures like that, which she didn’t do in this case when she told her teacher and it’s not because of her gender, she simply”minimized” it because of her age. I’m not posting to argue with anyone. I’m simply putting my thoughts on here about the subject because I have no problem with females kicking balls, I just don’t believe in encouraging any sort of violence with kids and in my mind, at 6 years old, there really isn’t any self defense. Also, I’m a writer and I do know comma placement, but when I use my phone, grammar and punctuation becomes lazy and I don’t worry about it. 😀 Anyway, those are my thoughts again.
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Well, like you, my biggest qualm is with the age…because a boy at the age of 6 will be entirely unable to protect himself from a kick to the testicles. And as such, boys at that age would be easy targets to be victims of girls bullying them by kicking them where they aren’t coped to handle it.
I’m not entirely sold on the idea of “rape culture” but Mandi is right in that the boys actions could condition her daughter to be dismissive of sexual harassment or unwarranted advancements. Her daughters confidence might be at risk, for life, because of their actions. So while they’re not yet sexually mature, they’re still technically doing a sexually lewd act. So, yes, it’s bullying but it is also something more. It took me a while to be convinced about this, but she’s right.
I don’t get what you’re saying though, because she DID tell her daughter to aim for the balls last, and she DID go to the teacher, and her daughter never ended up having to get physically confrontational. It had a happy ending, so, why are you, or rather, what are you criticizing?
For my part (I don’t expect you to go back and re-read my previous posts), I am all for her daughter standing up for herself, and she should be equipped to do so…that means 1.) belief in herself 2.) confidence in her decision to do so 3.) the knowledge to know how to do so. My only issue was that a kick to the groin is completely debilitating so a fight between a little boy and a little girl, where the girl KNOWS to kick the boy in the balls, the girl will win EVERY time. The boys would be helpless to stop it. I therefore, thought it way too dangerous and irresponsible to empower a girl at that age with this knowledge as it would be a game changer and put boys at a complete disadvantage with no hope to win if a girl so sought to kick them. I worried about the potential lifelong mental or physical trauma the boys might suffer as a result.
But Mandi helped me realize my concern for the boys safety might come at a cost of her daughters long term self confidence might be jeopardized. And that isn’t fair, either. Why should her daughter “take it” so as to not risk the boys, when they’re the aggressors? She DID responsibly teach her daughter to aim there as a last resort. And six year olds absolutely can find themselves in positions where they need to defend themselves.
And I might ad, my biggest issue was age, because if a 16 year old boy were doing to a 15 year old girl the things Mandi described I’d absolutely advocate for her kicking him in the groin….he’d be old enough he should know better, and the sexual dimorphism at that age would have kicked in and she’d be at a size, strength, weight disadvantage, etc. to say nothing of aggression. So, I think all girls should know self defense, effective self defense, and that involves going for the weak spots and targeting testicles. I didn’t think a 6 year old (who would presumably use that knowledge on other six year olds or younger) should have that knowledge or endorsement of a maternal authority, but at the same time, it’d literally be the ONLY defense a child would have against an adult or even teen attacker/abductor, so even on that I am starting to reconsider. I dunno, it’s very complicated. I don’t have kids so I’ve never had to truly think about what advice one feels it’s safe to give, but, Mandi felt it important to empower her daughter, and if that meant at the expense of the boys who were bullying her daughters balls, so be it. She’s a mother, and it’s her daughter, and she has the right to defend herself against sexual (even if they don’t understand it) assault.
And I don’t know what you’re referring to about the commas? I know I write long, run on sentences, it’s a bad habit of mine. So, sorry? Or were you referring to something else? I’m confused.
-Troy
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As far as what I said about the commas, that was actually in reference to a reply Mandy made to me and it wasn’t about you. And, I’m not criticizing anything per-say, all I’m saying is that a kick to the shin or balls is uncalled for just for “bothering” her. If I might explain, cause I do see the point of “defending” herself, however, this is what I’m saying: she goes to the teacher and says “those boys are bugging me”, well the teacher might think she means they won’t let her play with a toy that they had first so she doesn’t do anything about it so she kicks them in the balls thinking she did what she had to do step by step but she never really told the teacher anything, so how would that be a justifiable self defense in that situation?
Now let’s turn it around and say that all they were really doing is not giving her a toy that she wants, she tells the teacher but the teacher does nothing cause they had the toy first. Does that warrent a 6 year old kicking another 6 year old? 2 opposite scenarios, both of them don’t justify those actions. Yes I know she talked to the school and it was resolved that way, but what happens next time if she doesn’t communicate the situation or if it turns out to be a situation like the one I mentioned with the toy? Again, these are all my thoughts and the only thing I’m criticizing is how a lot of people on here act like these 6 year olds are adults. They acknowledge that they are 6 but then talk about her having to defend herself from sexual harassment, which it is, but I don’t think telling her to get violent back at them, even telling her as a last resort, before going to the school was the way to prioritize. There are other ways to build self esteem and to empower her rather than telling her to beat up other 6 year olds who are picking on her. That’s my opinion and yea it’s her daughter to raise however she is going too, even if that means to be a little bit violent. Again, just my thoughts and opinions, which no one ever cares for them but I give them anyway lol. And yes, the idea that tapestry start at a young age, I don’t believe that. Most people are not the same as they were at 6 years old. Things change and people change. Not everyone does but most do. And at 6 years old, they should be given a chance at life, not condemned for something they haven’t done based on what they are doing at 6 just because of what some A-hole middle aged men have done to the girls mom. There’s a large age difference between 6 and someone who’s 30 or 40. Also, as a side note, if she had ended up kicking them and it worked to get them to leave her alone, they would just bully someone else because they wouldn’t know what they had done wrong. Bullys do that, they pick on those weaker than them. But it can be curbed with words like it was this time, cause adults know how to better stop bad behavior so it doesn’t spread to another victim. Sorry I’m rambling a little at the end here.
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I assume you’re talking to me? If you meant Adam, please disregard. I mean, I alluded to it, but, I got kicked by a girl as a kid, and it had a profound impact on my developmental years. But as far as going into detail of what happened, I don’t want to derail or clutter Mandi’s story/responses, so if she wants says it’s okay or if she wants to hear it, I’ll explain. But, out of respect to her, I cant answer without her say so.
-Troy
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That’s your story to tell if you want, but don’t feel compelled to do so.
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Oh I certainly don’t mind….I mean it might give some insight into my initial mindset/male insecurity regarding the issue/topic originally. I just didn’t want to litter your page.
Well, long story short, when I was 12, I played soccer, and my team was part of a city tournament. I don’t know if is different now (segregated by sex), but back then, the tournament was co-ed (this was early 90’s). Nearly every team was either all male or maybe had 1-2 girls on them, so I rarely ever competed against the opposite sex, but in the championship game, it was my team versus an all girls team (private all girls school). I was uncomfortable competing against them, as I’d never really had to square off against girls before….yes, as I said some teams were co-ed, but I never really had to go up against any girl for more than a play or two.
All that being said, I was still very self assured we would win, because despite the fact that they’d blown out all their competition, I chalked it up to those teams being poor (in hindsight I recognize my own youthful ignorance/machismo) or sloppy or dumbfounded to be playing girls. I was very confident that, at the very least, I would dominate because they were girls, and I was a boy. The game was held at their field, and so most of the crowd was their family/faculty/etc, so they were definitely the “home team” and crowd favorite, and there was definitely a sort of “girl power” (the was the early 90’s), feministic buzz in the air, but that further fueled me to dominate.
To make the situation worse, though, as I watched them practice, these girls were EXCEPTIONALLY good. I was the best player on my team, and I was a center striker. They were all really amazing (I remember being shocked they were so good, for girls) but the BEST player on their team was this very tall (she was 2-3 inches taller than me) tanned brunette girl who played their sweeper and striker combo. That meant I would wind up going head to head with her. I’d watched her compete, and was worried about just how incredible she was. She was visibly VERY fit, long legged and lean, and she had an air of self assuredness about her. It made me uncomfortable because she was actually so fit, so fast, so confident and so GOOD that I was actually slightly intimidated/nervous, and my ego resented the I was made uneasy by a girl. To make matters worse, she was EXTREMELY cute/pretty and that also made me angry and uneasy that not only was I worried about competing with her and losing, but I was attracted to her.
Once the game started, I soon realized just how good she was…despite my speed (and I was FAST) she would continually slip past me or steal the ball from me, and she was making me look bad. Not BAD, in truth but given I was the star of the team, struggling as I was, I felt like she was really embarrassing me. I told myself I didn’t care she was a girl I was going all out, and soon, I started getting more and more physical, expecting I could intimidate her being a guy, and playing rough. Well, she didn’t back off, she got mad, and started giving it right back… before long we were elbowing each other and slide tackling and shoving, etc, and I was growing ever increasingly furious that she seemingly had the audacity to like…match my aggression.
As the game worse on, we got to the point the ref (a woman) warned us to stop being so antagonistic with each other. At one point when we were competing jostling for position, and elbowing one another, I either elbowed her a bit too hard or she had just had enough I guess, and she warned me, “If you don’t stop I’m going to hurt you.” I was insulted and pissed andjsut like, simulated by the brazen lack of propriety she had (yes, as a girl) threatening me, so I laughed and said something dismissive along the lines of daring her or acting unconcerned like it couldn’t happen. When next the ball came my way, she came to steal it from me, and I tripped her (it was genuinely an accident, just competing) and I laughed at her as she fell. She cussed (I remember it was the first time I’d ever heard a girl cuss), and I took the ball and ran with it, and a few seconds later I heard her running up behind me. I turned around to face her and she stops just short of me, visibly pissed, and I cockily expected her to try and steal the ball, and had it behind my heel waiting for her her charge for it. She was looking flushed and angry, glaring at me…I remember seeing fury in her eyes and I remember I was grinning obnoxiously, and just said, “What?”, awaiting her attempt at a steal, when she just jutted forward full speed and kicked me square in the balls.
I remember a white flash and the next thing I knew I was crumpling over and fell into her, and she held me up, and a just sickening sensation of pain washed over me and a horrifying disbelief. She said something as she pushed me off her, and took the ball, and I fell to my knees and curled up cupping myself and started screaming. The referee blew her whistle and walked over and asked what had happened. I was coughing and trying not to sob, ashamed and embarrassed but feeling physically ill and pain I’d never felt before. The ref realized what had happened and asked the girl if she’d just kicked me in the balls. She was standing over me over and said yes, almost proudly. The ref started laughing, but said she had to issue her a yellow card, but paused and asked, “Wait, was it on purpose? Or was it an accident?” the girl looked down at me and smirked and said it was an accident, so the ref called a pause to the game, while I recovered, and the girl went completely unpunished. I’d never been kicked in the nuts before and needless to say I’d never felt anything as overwhelming before….it was pain mixed with nausea and cramps and I was absolutely mortified that I was being watched by so many, and holding my privates, and right in front of the girl who’d kicked me no less.
I distinctly remember hearing hoots and hollers of encouragement from women in the stands, and lots of laughter and some people yelling out jokes of mock encouragement. She just stared down at me cool faced and perhaps a little smugly satisfied, asking occasionally if I was okay. I’d never been more embarrassed and humiliated in my entire life, because I’d just been bested by a girl (that I was attracted to no less) and trying and failing to process what she had done to me!
When I was finally able to stand up, two teammates helped me off the field and to the bench. I never returned to the game that half, and they went up on us 6-2…she scored the final 4 goals (and all 6 of them) in my absence. I had scored our only two before she’d kicked me. I tried telling myself it was because my nuts were still in agony that is why I never went back in but the truth is, I was both too ashamed to compete against her and I was scared. After half time my coach yelled at me for being a wuss, and demanded I go back in. I was still in considerable pain and slowed immensely from it, something she immediately picked up on. She once agains started pushing the action, but I was apprehensive and shied away, and I remember her laughing and asking me, “Whats wrong?” Every time we fought forth ball, and she’d kick up at it, I’d cringe and grab myself protectively, and I think she as intentionally kicking very close to me to keep me scared and off guard. Basically, she’d broken my will. She dominated me, and I never scored another goal, and they won 8-3.
After the game, I was humiliated and ashamed, and hearing those girls cheer and celebrate was salt in my wounds. When it came time to go shake their hands, I was too bitter and petty to greet her, so I slinked off, hoping to slip away unnoticed, but the ref caught me and demanded I come shake her hand. I was trying not to cry, and shaking I was so mad. She just smiled and stuck out her hand and said, “Good game.” I said nothing, and she said, “You’re pretty good, you played me hard.” I was raging inside at her false modesty and pity for me, or maybe that she was the bigger person than I. I didn’t take her hand, and she said, “Don’t be a poor sport.” The ref said, “Take her hand and congratulate her on a good game.” I shook her hand, reluctantly, and turned to walk off when she grabbed me by the wrist, and said, “Are you mad I kicked you?” I saw red, so angry that she’d flippantly ask me that given my utter shame, and was SO mad I couldn’t even formulate words, and tried blurting something scathing out but all that came out was an incoherent bumbling mumble. She laughed and shrugged and said, “Sorry, I guess.”, though her tone and demeanor implied anything but. She bounced off, and I walked home in considerable pain, still aching, and obsessing over what she’d done to me.
It took me years to get over it. In truth I’ll never COMPLETELY get over it, but I now realize that my masculinity had been shattered and she’d stolen my pride, a sort of unearned male swagger and bravado by kicking me. I felt exposed, and weak and humiliated. I thought “How dare she?” Like, what gave her the right to kick me, there? How dare she, a girl, do that to me, a boy? I felt it was unfair, and a crime, that she should be punished and it infuriated me that she seemingly didn’t care, like what she’d done was acceptable, or her right. My subconscious sexism really was challenged, because I felt superior, as a male, and felt as much rage at her audacity to not only challenge me/compete against me but to so callously kick me in the no-nos. She was a girl, so she had no right, and had NO idea what that felt like, so how dare she put me in THAT kind of agony? My sense of security and superiority had been demolished by her when I became arrow of just how easily she had taken me down and brought me to my knees, with NO real effort. Compounding the issue, I was very, very much attracted to her (and impressed by her) so it caused a great deal of confusion inside me. I became shy, angry, reclusive, introverted, and wary of girls, especially pretty girls. I became resentful and slightly misogynistic, and really became loathsome of any girl empowerment movements or narratives.
A few yers later, when I reached high school, she and I attended the same school. I was not even sure she remembered me, until she approached me, as though she’d never done anything wrong and tried talking to me. She was very polite, and I was short and rude, as I was still angry, resentful, humiliated, secretly attracted and at that awkward age anyway where hormones and emotions flare. After repeated attempts the next few weeks to be nice to me and make friends when we saw each other at lunch or in class, she finally blew up at me and asked me what my problem was, and “Are you still mad you lost that game?” I said no it had nothing to do with losing the game. She looked confused, and then it seemed like she suddenly realized WHAT I was mad at, shook her head dismissively, and said, “Are you mad because I kicked you in the balls?” Again, my anger boiled up because OF COURSE I was…it’d bothered me for years at that point, not a day going by I did’t this about it, and she was so nonchalant and callous about it. I said, of course I was mad, and she laughed and said I was being stupid, and to “get over it.” This only made me angrier and I asked her what right she had to have (done that to me), especially as a girl, and she said, “Every right! Especially as a girl!” We discussed it, with me going ever more upset she saw no issue with what she’d done, even finding it amusing, until I started really acting like a jerk and she finally turned sour and possibly even hurt and said, “Maybe I ought to do it again.” I was at the point of snapping, half wanting to get violent, but scared that she really MIGHT kick me again, and if she did, I couldn’t handle that humiliation, so I hesitated, scared, and she made a face and walked off, upset, and I was both angry I’d cowered at a girl, scared, and HER of all girls, and also felt shame for being a jerk, as again, as confused as I was, I sort of think I had a crush on her as much as I resented her.
I didn’t really get over it and grow up until my senior year. For years, I harbored insecurities, and resentment, and failing to come to grips with my fragile male ego made me passive aggressive and rude and sexist, and I really hurt myself and cost myself some of the best years of my life, all because I couldn’t handle a girl had beaten me and humbled me publicly by kicking me in the balls.
Now, please, I’ve grown considerably since then. I was a kid, and young and stupid and conditioned to be a bit sexist (hence why what she did to me affected me so, psychologically). I do NOT feel that way anymore. By all means, few free to scathingly rip who I was or what I did and don’t hold back on the comments, but do know I am NOT that foolish, entitled little boy any more suffering from male privilege. I just hope it gives some insight as to the psychological trauma a male CAN possibly have when a girl kicks him in the testicles.
-Troy
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This sounds like a masochist ball kicking story. Not the truth. It seems that you only made peace with Mandy to post this story..
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Well, it is. I only even relayed it because I was asked to.
-Troy
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No offense my man, but that’d actually kind of funny. I don’t mean the obsession you went through, I just mean when she kicked you. You gotta admit that’s hilarious. But I guess I can see where that’d be a tough pill to swallow, getting straight punked publicly by a girl.
But you screwed up, cuz it sounds like she was into you, and you were clearly digging her, despite her owning you, and you blew it being proud. Let me tell you, ain’t nothing in the world like getting head from a girl that has busted your balls. It ads some kinkiness.
But bottom line, you gotta get over that shit guy. It happens. You underestimated her and left yourself open. And, seriously, you have to admit now that her tagging you is kind of funny.
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I don’t have to agree, but I’ll elaborate on why in a moment. I mean, I suppose I can see where others think it was funny. I’m not so self centered I can’t admit others can find humor at my expense, nor will I pretend physical pain/humor isn’t funny, especially when it’s unexpected or exaggerated. So, I can absolutely see where onlookers saw her kick me and found it funny. She kicked me out of nowhere and I was down for some time.
But I don’t think it was funny because it happened TO me. It sucked, it was excruciating pain I’d never experienced before, and I didn’t deserve it. She kicked me out of nowhere, which was dirty, and even if I’d known she was about to attack me, I was too young and unaware that she would aim her kick there, so I was woefully unprepared for it.
And I certainly could see where she might have thought it was funny, because it was as result of her kick. But she seemed to take more pleasure in it than amusement. Like, a sense of pride/satisfaction, if that makes sense. In hindsight, putting myself in her position, I think she was angry that I’d tripped her (in truth she tripped herself on my leg, but I assume she thought I’d tripped her), and probably felt angry or embarrassed, so she wanted to get back at me. That said, and maybe I am biased, what she did was excessive.
Now, to be fair to her, maybe she felt I’d intentionally tripped or embarrassed her, and she felt justified in picking a fight with me, but she didn’t have to kick me in the balls! And, giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she didn’t know what she was doing, as in, she wasn’t aware of how much that hurts, but then again, maybe she got the exact results she wanted. Either way, she sure didn’t seem bothered by doing it, or how I felt. And she went unpunished, and it was extremely advantageous for her as it took me out of the game, and she went on to dominate. But I don’t see how I am at fault for what she did to me, “underestimating” her or whatever. I was a kid.
As for the assertion I screwed up a potential relationship out of pride, I have often thought back on regret at how I handled myself. I was angry and bitter and still extremely embarrassed about it, so I couldn’t get over it to talk to her, and her niceness to me came off as being nonchalant about what she did. I now recognize she was just being polite and she just didn’t care about kicking me in the balls. For her it was long in the past, and maybe she even felt justified in it, so why should she regret it? So she didn’t understand why I was a jerk. But for me I was still consumed by it. She had no way of knowing that, but it doesn’t excuse my rude behavior. I admit now, looking back, I wasted an opportunity to, at the very least, make a friend, but possibly have something more, because I do realize now I DID have a big crush on her, despite her kicking me. And, had I been more mature, I might have had something special with her.
In fairness to me, I was still young and a teenager, so, inexperienced and dumb. But my male ego at the time couldn’t accept that she’d done that to me. I’m sure most women would find that to be dumb or sad. But you’re a guy…we’re stubborn.
-Troy
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Adam,
Gotcha. I thought you were criticizing my run on sentences/long posts. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Again, I think we generally agree, as you express the same concerns I do/did, chiefly that these boys are also six, and while bullies, vulnerable children. A girl that kicks them in the balls, while defending or liberating herself, in essence turns the tables and the boys become the victims. At six, no boy is prepared to process that kind of physical agony, and there’s nothing they could do to stop a girl from kicking them there. Also, I fear at six, no girl would truly appreciate or understand the gravity of kicking a boy in the balls “responsibly” (as in truly for defensive only purposes), and might just kick boys for trivial matters, as you suggest, and would very likely enjoy the newfound power they had, or enjoy the reactions they get out of kicking the boys in the balls, and would, essentially, start kicking the boys all the time for fun/enjoyment/power, effectively becoming bullies themselves. And again, the boys would be powerless to stop it.
It really is frustrating, because I’ve come to realize there’s no right answer. I share your concerns and voiced them (albeit not as well as you did), but Mandi also raised valid points that changed my mind, too. And perhaps, life isn’t fair and there has to be a loser in a situation.
The one thing I disagree with you on is the idea that, if her daughter kicked one of those boys in the balls, they’d still be bullies. I think if her little girl DID kick either of (or both of) them, they would experience agony they could never imagine possible, and would immediately stop bullying her our of fear- because if she kicked him once she could do it again. I guarantee you they’d leave her alone!! And that was what Mandi knew, and why she taught her daughter how.
-Troy
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Hi troy.
You’ve never been kicked in the balls in your adolescent or young life have you? Sure, kicking them in the balls might work 1 or 2 times but it isn’t guaranteed to stop the bullying. It will just teach them to be aware and to block the kick in the future. Cause at 6 years old, they are more than likely not aware of a ballkick either. So yea it might be a “game changer” initially, but not guaranteed to stop the bullying. Everyone is different and being kicked in the nuts has different effects on everyone. I, myself, think that it’s perfectly fine and acceptable for a woman to kick a guy in the nuts, for whatever reason. I just don’t think that teaching a 6 year old to kick other 6 year olds in the nuts is ok, no matter what context it is “taught” in. Why not give her daughter a stun gun to protect her from the bullies at school? That’s my position. It’s the age thing only. It’s not about “newfound power” or “dominating boys” it’s about a 6 year old being taught to be violent with other 6 year olds and then using self defense as an excuse when it’s obvious that the situation was not life threatening and was able to be handled another way without even telling her daughter to do those things. It’s obvious that it was able to be handled differently because she did handle it differently but only after telling her daughter to get physical. I hope I’m making sense here, it’s kinda early in the morning and didn’t get much sleep. Anyway, there’s a time, place and age for things to be done, said and taught. This is something I don’t think should be taught to a child at 6 years old.
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Uhm, you must not have read what I’ve replied with. I have been kicked, so I am well aware of how effective it is. I think it would stop the bullying as lies tend to pick on the weak. I actually felt it might have the opposite effect and the girl would become the bully, aware of the profound power she now possessed. Point being I’m aware. You actually make the same argument I initially did, which basically is concern about teaching it to a child the age of 6. So, we agree, mostly.
-Troy
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Firstly I would rather people settled their differences by words rather than physical violence. And secondly I doubt that the tactic of kicking or punching a boy of 6 in the balls is as painful as when they re older. I don’t remember hurting myself from dropping things on them or from being hit by a football till I was 11 or more.
Thirdly to hear al these people denying a girl a right to defend herself by saying to be kicked in the balls is as bad or worse than a boy molesting and sexually abusing a girl are like another sort of person. You know the racists who are told that what they are doing is racist and then say well Black people are racist too. Or when talking about slavery will come up with Black people owned slaves too. Mass enslavement of a people is not to be equated with a few exceptions in a mad system.
And for some to say that to use the ball busting weapon is one too far and that it might humiliate the boys if they lose to a girl well that just sums up their sexist attitude entirely. What is worse a boy quickly and effectively punished for abusing and hurting an innocent girl being bullied or a girl who is traumatised and educated that her pain and humiliation is so much more less than a boys. When he has learnt from some sexist male that he can treat a woman that way. Well the person teaching him to think that way is far more damaging than a kick to his balls.
And why shouldn’t people take advantage of those pain ganglions that show that far from the bully being all powerful but that he is weak and vulnerable. Vulnerballs to use a pun.
No the mother is right and other women and fathers are right to say kick the bully in the balls.
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Thank you.
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Have you actually done research into this?
There is a very good video on YouTube that debunks the effectiveness of groin strikes. It is titled “Realistic Groin Strike Training – Redman Myth Breaker – Core JKD”. It is by ”
corejkd”.
Women’s genitals are just as vulnerable as men’s. Would you want me to hit a woman in the crotch? What do you think she would do if I did so? What do you think I would do if a woman hit my crotch?
I highly doubt that the account in the video Kat mentioned is true. When I was listening to it, I was thinking, “Why didn’t he beat her to death?”
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“Why didn’t he beat her to death?” This Sentence gives me a stomachache.
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I agree my initial reaction is disgust, but, I’m also thoroughly confused. I don’t even understand what the guy is trying to say? I mean is he REALLY calling for/advocating for LETHAL violence against women? Or just suggesting that girls should be hit in the groin as well? (Either way AWFUL)
-Troy
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You should address the rest of the comment, though.
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Done research?? Have you ever been kicked in the balls?? I don’t need to research anything, I was kicked in the balls by a girl and it completely incapacitated me. I assure you, getting kicked in the groin is completely effective.
I don’t follow your flip flop logic, you just implied groin strikes are ineffective and now you’re saying women’s genitals are just as vulnerable, something I think is absurd, and can’t believe anyone would actually believes as much. But no…you shouldn’t kick a woman in the crotch. WTF. What would she do? Well, I’d hope return the favor (and I’d bet it’d hurt YOU a lot more than it would her) and then press charges of assault….because you would have attacked a WOMAN.
As for the testimony in the video you mentioned (it took me a bit to realize what you were referring to). He attacked a teenage girl…I want you to keep that in mind given what you said next…..a grown man with a history of violence against women attacked a teenager, and she defended herself, and incapacitated him by squeezing his testicles. He couldn’t “beat her to death” because she had him BY THE BALLS. If she didn’t squeeze them, he very well MIGHT HAVE. You are advocating for a rapist to have beaten a TEENAGE girl to death. Do you understand that?!?
Jesus Mandi, you were right …. so many insecure males.
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I think you need to do more research.
Just because it affected you that way doesn’t mean it will affect everyone that way.
The video I mentioned is from a very reputable source. That man and the woman are trained fighters, and the man has a lot of experience. They do a realistic simulation of such a situation.
When I was around 13 years old, there were a number of times that, when I was wearing only a bathrobe, I accidentally hit myself in the crotch with the metal buckle on a belt when I was swinging it around fast.
I screamed in pain, but I remained standing.
Yes, I know what being hit in the crotch is like.
It really is only effective as a method of torture.
I also know that many people consider it a joke, and don’t take it seriously, if it is done to a man. And many women think it’s awesome to do to a man, if he does something really bad to them. For example, make a sexual comment they don’t want.
If you hit a person’s genitals, you can expect them to hit yours back.
And it can hurt women just as badly. Check out the YouTube video “It hurts girls too.” from “EA SPORTS FIFA”. The girl falls to the ground, and holds her hand over her genitals crying in pain. She does that because it was accidental, and she knows the person isn’t going to attack her, and isn’t determined to attack him.
Regarding the girl that allegedly was attacked, I will say two things.
First, you don’t know me. I am VERY nice, but also defensive, because of horrible things that have happened in the past.
Second, we don’t know that girl. I just watched that video again, and I will say one thing: I would bet $1000 that it is fake. It seems like the audio was copied from a fictional story about a psychopathic girl torturing a man who attempts to have consensual sex with her.
This shows why it’s important to actually research things, instead of just listening to what most people say about them.
What the girl in the story does is not mere self-defense. She holds the man down on his back, and mutilates his testicles as he begs for her to stop.
What I said is my reaction to that. If a girl did that to me, I would beat her as brutally as I possibly could, until she was no longer a threat. I am small and have only done personal combat training; I don’t know how much force would be needed to overcome her. And in that situation, she is the one in control; she is holding him down and mutilating his genitals.
I don’t think it is even possible to remove a man’s testicles with your bare hands.
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Do more research?? Like what, get kicked again? No thanks. I am gonna assume that it would affect MOST males the same way it affected me…..complete debilitation. I have a high pain tolerance and consider myself a tough guy, but there was NOTHING I could do in that situation. Her kick put me on the ground. It’s just that simple.
Okay? So, trained fighters are trying to dispel something that’s 1.) common sense (that testicles are highly sensitive) and 2.) Something that is basic self defense taught by also trained instructors around the world (as a blow there is incapacitating in it’s pain)
“When I was around 13 years old, there were a number of times that, when I was wearing only a bathrobe, I accidentally hit myself in the crotch with the metal buckle on a belt when I was swinging it around fast.
I screamed in pain, but I remained standing.
Yes, I know what being hit in the crotch is like.”
Okay no offense but that is NOT the same thing. I’d been hit/bumped in the crotch before n my life, and yes, it hurt, but this was a full on, full force, directed/aimed kick. She nailed me knowing full well what it would do to me, and it worked (to her credit, though the memory still angers me). She didn’t punch me in the nose or stomach. She kicked me in the nuts. Sorry, but being grazed by a belt buckle isn’t the same thing.
“It really is only effective as a method of torture.”
WTF?
I also know that many people consider it a joke, and don’t take it seriously, if it is done to a man. And many women think it’s awesome to do to a man, if he does something really bad to them. For example, make a sexual comment they don’t want.
I don’t consider it a joke (as I’ve had it happen to me where I’ve been kicked, undeservedly, and suffered immensely because of it). In fact (i don’t expect you to have read every reply, but it’s there if you wanna scroll back a page and read it), I voiced concerns about Mandi’s original article because I feared her advising her daughter to kick boys in the balls might have the very effect you’re describing; a girl thinking it’s awesome.
I also don’t get your logic. On the one hand you try and pass off a groin kick as ineffective and not that painful, but then advocate violence against women by kicking their genitalia too, and also adding it hurts them just as much, despite just claiming it wasn’t that bad. I think, secretly, you’re resentful and insecure and therefore are actually suggesting violence towards girls. Keep in mind in both the video you reference, and in Mandi’s original blog, the GIRLS are the victims.
“Regarding the girl that allegedly was attacked, I will say two things.
First, you don’t know me. I am VERY nice, but also defensive, because of horrible things that have happened in the past.”
Well, I am not trying to insulting. But I can’t let comments like, “I’d beat her to death” go, because that’s disgusting.
“Second, we don’t know that girl. I just watched that video again, and I will say one thing: I would bet $1000 that it is fake. It seems like the audio was copied from a fictional story about a psychopathic girl torturing a man who attempts to have consensual sex with her.”
See, this is where Mandi has really helped open my eyes. You hear the story of a teenage girl attacked by an adult male, and because she turns the tables on him and defends herself, she’s the psycho, and he’s a victim of torture?? While claiming it fake as well. Really dude?
“What the girl in the story does is not mere self-defense. She holds the man down on his back, and mutilates his testicles as he begs for her to stop.”
How do you figure?? An adult man attacked a 14 year old girl. How is ANYTHING she does not justifiable defense?? It seems to me you’re upset that she managed to turn the tables on him, by grabbing and squeezing his balls (y’know, given how “ineffective” it is), and are disturbed by the fact that she had him at her mercy. But HE ATTACKED HER! Possibly with intent to rape or kill. So, he begged her to stop and she didn’t….can you blame her?? Read what you say following this…
“What I said is my reaction to that. If a girl did that to me, I would beat her as brutally as I possibly could, until she was no longer a threat.”
And THAT IS WHY SHE DIDN’T LET HIM GO! Jesus Christ!! She was smart enough to know as long as she had his balls in her hand she had the advantage and she was in control. If she had let go HE MIGHT HAVE KILLED HER!
“I am small and have only done personal combat training; I don’t know how much force would be needed to overcome her. And in that situation, she is the one in control; she is holding him down and mutilating his genitals.”
Uhm, yes, exactly!!!!! She was in control, holding him down, DEFENDING HERSELF. Yes, she crushed his nuts, and that sucks for him, and it was probably accidental, but play stupid games and win stupid prizes. She was a victim and defended herself against a monster.
And even if she intentionally crushed his nuts, while I cannot agree with her doing so, I can’t judge her either. She was likely angry and scared and perhaps she saw an opportunity to prevent him from ever doing that (or what he intended to do to her) to anyone else ever again. Maybe she made a decision.
“I don’t think it is even possible to remove a man’s testicles with your bare hands.”
What? Are you serious?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3484447/Romanian-wife-rips-husband-s-testicles-International-Women-s-Day-refused-housework.html
And it’s lethal even if they aren’t pulled off.
https://www.pri.org/stories/2012-04-28/china-woman-kills-man-squeezing-testicles
So, while I don’t know if the story of the girl who defended herself is true or not, I’ve no reason to doubt it, either. Youtube likely would remove it if it were false due to terms of services. So, chances are, it’s really. it seems neither implausible or even unlikely, and the girl had every right to defend herself and do what she did, and is a hero, and I don’t understand how you can feel otherwise.
-Troy
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I just noticed something else: The person who uploaded the video didn’t claim it is true. They intended it to be fiction. Read the description carefully.
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I found the video.
Yes, it’s being read by someone other than the victim but I hear nothing that suggests it’s not true. Again, Youtube would have removed it, and the perp’s name is even bleeped out. It sounds very real to me.
-Troy
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Let me get this straight.
I am NOT advocating violence against women. Nowhere did I say that a man should hurt a woman if she doesn’t hurt him first.
Perhaps I described too much in what I said. Maybe I should have kept in mind that some people don’t have common sense.
You do realize that I wasn’t the first person in this discussion to say that the video is fake, don’t you?
Not?
Read Adam’s first comment. He very flatly says that the video is fake.
That was what initially led me to suspect that.
I just watched it again. I almost believed it…until the last sentence.
It supposedly is about a girl defending herself from an attempted rape. But it only describes her mutilating a man’s testicles, as he begs for her to stop.
That is what led me to react the way I did.
From a legal standpoint, she actually is very restricted in what she can do as self-defense. She probably was prosecuted for what she did.
The only information we have is one short video on one YouTube channel with three videos, and which does not unambiguously state that it is fact.
YouTube would not have removed it, because there is no proof that it is false.
I am NOT saying that it is not painful. ABSOLUTELY NOT. But pain itself does not cause incapacitation.
Regarding the belt buckle, you need to learn some physics. A metal buckle impacting at high speed has a significant amount of force, and it did not graze me; it hit me in the most direct way possible. I was only wearing a bathrobe at the time; I think that it wasn’t completely covering me, and the buckle hit me with the part it hit uncovered. And I was only around 13 years old at the time. I experienced the intense, full body pain sensation you are talking about, and felt like I had been badly injured.
Today, I am much stronger, and haven’t experienced it anywhere near as bad since.
It simply is not a reliable means of attack. Like many types of attacks, it may work; it most likely won’t.
You also seem to not understand that a person’s legs are not the only part of the body that can be used to attack. I wouldn’t use kicking, or punching; knifehanding is much more effective.
I do NOT think that the man was at the girl’s mercy. I think that he was a coward. If he had been a determined attacker, when the girl grabbed his testicles, he could have smashed her wrists. That girl was lucky.
You think I am insecure, but you’re the one that is insecure.
You think that men are helpless to defend against this. I think not.
You may be physically stronger than me, but you are much weaker as a person.
I simply would not react the way that you did.
You cried for mercy, felt embarrassed and ashamed, and were in disbelief that a girl could hurt you like that.
I would be enraged that she has done it, and would have had a deep determination to do the same thing to her, no matter how difficult it is.
When I dropped down, I would knifehand her crotch.
If, for some reason, I was unable to, I would as soon as I was able to.
Even if it was years later.
Of course I might go to prison for that. But do you really think I would care?
When I said that you needed to do more research, I meant reading things online.
Here is that video I mentioned earlier:
You really should watch it. It does a very good job at debunking this.
Most of the people who teach this don’t actually have much knowledge about this type of thing.
There is a big difference between combat sports and an actual situation of a person being attacked.
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Do you know how many videos on YouTube are fake? They won’t remove it just because it’s fictional. Nothing in the terms say or even imply that. They are not a news site, they are a video sharing community.
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You say you’re not advocating violence against women but you talk about groin strikes against them and beating them. So, wether you meant to or not, you’re describing violence against them.
I assure you I have common sense. I don’t think you’re aware of how you’re coming across- disgusting.
I don’t know if what happened as described in the video is fake or not. I have no reason to doubt it….but for arguments sake, lets say it wasn’t real. So what?? Even IF hypothetical, you were still, wether you’re aware of it or not, siding with the male adult rapist attacker over the victim teenage girl.
She didn’t “mutilate” his testicles, she defended herself and he suffered loss as a result. That’s HIS problem. If he hadn’t attacked her he’d still be fine. And NO JURY on earth would prosecute a 14 year old girl for defending herself against rape.
I still don’t see how accidentally hitting yourself with a belt buckle is comparable to being straight up kicked full force.
Of course no attack is perfect…one may aim and miss, but it’s taught in self defense because it IS effective and easy to accomplish.
“I do NOT think that the man was at the girl’s mercy. I think that he was a coward. If he had been a determined attacker, when the girl grabbed his testicles, he could have smashed her wrists. That girl was lucky.”
…but you’re not advocating for violence against women….right?
“You think I am insecure, but you’re the one that is insecure.”
Opinions. You come off as insecure.
“You think that men are helpless to defend against this. I think not.”
No, I said young BOYS would be helpless. As in a 6 year old.
“You may be physically stronger than me, but you are much weaker as a person.
I simply would not react the way that you did.”
Easy to say, given you weren’t the one kicked. My reaction was involuntary. My body shut down.
“You cried for mercy, felt embarrassed and ashamed, and were in disbelief that a girl could hurt you like that.
I would be enraged that she has done it, and would have had a deep determination to do the same thing to her, no matter how difficult it is.
When I dropped down, I would knifehand her crotch.”
…but you’re not advocating for violence against women….right?
“If, for some reason, I was unable to, I would as soon as I was able to.
Even if it was years later.”
…but you’re not advocating for violence against women….right?
For starters I WAS unable to do anything after she kicked me. Besides being physically immobilized with agonizing pain, I couldn’t think outside of what I was dealing with to formulate thoughts of revenge. It was a while before I had recovered enough to even consider my wrath. But even as angry and embarrassed as I was, assaulting her never crossed my mind. Because she was a girl. And you honestly think YEARS LATER in high school, I should have attacked her to get even?? Do you hear yourself? She was POLITE to me. It was MY pride that couldn’t get over it. Attacking her then would have been irrational and unethical.
“Of course I might go to prison for that. But do you really think I would care?”
Apparently not, as you’re psycho.
“There is a big difference between combat sports and an actual situation of a person being attacked.”
Okay? What does that have to do with anything? Specifically the original article by the author? Or at this point are you just frothing and bashing women?
-Troy
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You’re completely misrepresenting what I’m saying.
The reason I think that girl’s story is fake is because of the writing style. It is written like a fictional account.
That’s not my point.
I am NOT advocating violence against women.
I am just saying that if a woman were to hit my crotch, I would hit hers back.
Just as a woman would do to a man.
I know that it is not right to do it. But I would do it if a woman did it to me.
I would never suggest that another person do this. It just is what would happen with me.
I would be very upset afterward about having done it. But I would do it.
I know how horrible it is to be hit in the crotch.
And I’m sorry, but I would not allow a girl to do to me what that girl did to you without hurting her back. It is just what would happen.
You said that the girl helped you up afterward. I would find that comforting. But I would still hurt her when I got a chance.
Hitting a person’s genitals is SEXUAL VIOLENCE. Once you have crossed that boundary, there is no turning back.
You say you are angered by it, but you are kind of giving it a pass.
I am being nice in telling you this. There is a lot that I haven’t mentioned, because it is too upsetting to post here.
A lot of guys will just beat up a girl without remorse if she kicks them in the crotch.
You think that I am aggressive, but you are the one that has had problems with aggression.
That girl wouldn’t have done that to me. I wouldn’t have done what you did to provoke her.
No girl has ever hit me.
If I met that girl, I probably would hug and cuddle with her.
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“You’re completely misrepresenting what I’m saying.”
When you say things like, “Why didn’t he beat her to death?” or “I would knifehand her crotch”, I’m not misrepresenting you. Those are your words. You feel justified, and I’m saying wether it were or not (and it wouldn’t be), it’s still advocation for violence against a woman. Is the girls account as read in the video fake or real? I don’t know. I’d much rather it BE fake because that would mean she never had to suffer the trauma of being attacked. If real, I’m glad she successfully defended herself.
I fee we’re getting lost down the rabbit hole here. The video was first mentioned by someone else, and she brought it up only as an example of a girl successfully defending herself against rape by squeezing her attackers testicles. I only weighed in on it (the video) to reiterate my fear/concern that a six year old girl could easily, and not knowing any better, squeeze the balls of a six year old boy, and he’d be helpless to stop her, and she could maim him for life, or kill him. My concerns as to this topic have only ever been concern for small/young boys who would be at a disadvantage if young girls were taught how easily they can target and attack their boy counterparts balls. The girl in the video (true or not) is a teen being attacked by an adult man. Completely different, as she’s at an age, size, strength, speed, weight aggression, etc. disadvantage. I completely support groin kicks for young women (or anyone) against an adult male attacker or rapist. If her story is true, GOOD FOR HER. My concern was originally about boys too young to understand/stop their girl peers from greatly physically harming them by exposing their vulnerability.
“I am just saying that if a woman were to hit my crotch, I would hit hers back.”
This is advocating for violence against women. It just is. It’s retaliation, not defense. If you said, “If a woman was trying to strangle me I’d hit her”, that’s fair. If she hit you in the crotch, and you then hit her back, while what she did is (depending on the situation and why she hit you) wrong, you’re not JUSTIFIED in retaliating!
“I know that it is not right to do it. But I would do it if a woman did it to me.”
Well, I’m glad you now it IS wrong!! That’s progress. But you would be WRONG to hit back.
“I would never suggest that another person do this. It just is what would happen with me.”
You’d never advocate for it because it’s wrong, THAT’S WHY. And the fact that YOU claim you would, knowing it’s wrong is why you’re an insecure male, who couldn’t “deal” with a girl busting you.
“And I’m sorry, but I would not allow a girl to do to me what that girl did to you without hurting her back. It is just what would happen.
You said that the girl helped you up afterward. I would find that comforting. But I would still hurt her when I got a chance.”
Well, as the victim in the situation, I am glad I didn’t retaliate. What possible good would have come from it? For starters, I was in no condition to fight her anyway, as I was in too much pain from her kicking me. But, even if I was, if I fought her I’d be a bully…a guy beating up a girl. Others would have kicked my ass and rightfully so. I’d never be able to live with being up a girl. And, who’s to say I’d have been able to?? If she managed to kick me again (a very real possibility as I assume that’d be the FIRST thing she’d think to do given she already HAD), I’d have gone down in pain and been unable to defend myself. It’s patently stupid.
“Hitting a person’s genitals is SEXUAL VIOLENCE. Once you have crossed that boundary, there is no turning back.”
NOT IF IT’S SELF DEFENSE. Otherwise, agreed. That’s what made Mandi’s original article such a hot topic. Was her advice to her daughter educating her on how to defend herself against male bullies and sexual harasses? Or teaching her how to sexually assault title boys? It’s a grey area. I’ve come around from thinking one way to another. But I can’t say it’s an easy decision either way. But, if a person is EVER in danger and groin kicks (either sex to be fair) their attacker, that’s justifiable defense.
“You say you are angered by it, but you are kind of giving it a pass.”
I’m not giving what she did a pass. Her kicking me had a great negative impact on my life in some very formative years. That’s greatly in part why I engaged on this topic in the first place, out of fear or similar instances happening to young boys as I actually WITNESSED (although he was the aggressor, and the girl, defending herself).
“A lot of guys will just beat up a girl without remorse if she kicks them in the crotch.”
A lot of guys beat their wives. Doesn’t make it right.
“You think that I am aggressive, but you are the one that has had problems with aggression.”
I have problem with grown men saying they’d beat a woman to death, yes.
“That girl wouldn’t have done that to me. I wouldn’t have done what you did to provoke her.”
I didn’t provoke her. We were competing in a soccer game.
“If I met that girl, I probably would hug and cuddle with her.”
I doubt her husband would appreciate that.
-Troy
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You think I’m insecure because I can’t “deal” with a person committing sexual violence against me?
I don’t think most people would agree.
I wouldn’t be able to live with having beaten up a girl either.
“I have problem with grown men saying they’d beat a woman to death, yes.”
I’m not really a “grown man”. I’m fairly small. That is why I’ve trained myself to use maximum force in a self-defense situation.
I would never beat a woman to death in any situation that has a realistic chance of ever happening.
I actually feel pretty safe right now. I’ve gained a LOT of skill in avoiding trouble.
“I didn’t provoke her. We were competing in a soccer game.”
I don’t agree.
You said that she said, “If you don’t stop, I’m going to hurt you.” I would have avoided her for a year after she said that.
There is NO WAY she would have done that to me.
““If I met that girl, I probably would hug and cuddle with her.”
I doubt her husband would appreciate that.”
That is why I don’t normally hug a woman when there is a man with her.
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Okay at this point and time I’m beginning to suspect you’re trolling.
I couldn’t have avoided her, we were directly competing in a soccer game. I didn’t provoke her either, we were getting rough, but, it was competition, and she was giving as much as I was. Yes, I tripped her but that was an accident.
And yeah I’d advise against it as her husband is huge, and you claim to be small.
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I avoid girls when there’s a problem. I suppose that wasn’t completely an option in your case.
Still, I would have taken her threat seriously, and taken defensive action.
I hug girls all the time. No man has ever physically hurt me because of it.
It is hard for that to happen if the man doesn’t see me and the girl hug.
Especially if he doesn’t know me.
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Well, I was a kid, so, I still don’t see how I should have expected her to do what she did.
You hug women all the time? With their consent I hope. No offense but, given the nature of the original article, this i why I can’t help but ask if you’re trolling.
-Troy
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Yes, with their consent.
I am VERY cautious about touching girls. That is why I would have taken measures to avoid that girl for a long time afterward.
I use complex methods to determine when it is okay to touch girls. I won’t get into all the details here.
Some girls just can’t handle physical contact with guys. You need to avoid them, at least until they grow up.
You mentioned that those girls went to an all-girls school before high school. I bet that had something to do with it.
I have never seen girls behave violently toward guys. But there are no sex-segregated schools in the school district I live in.
To me, such behavior seems psychopathic.
Obviously, I have largely been talking about hypothetical situations. But this certainly is how I feel about these things.
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Okay. Not sure honestly how to even respond to this. I sort of did avoid her, but, it was high school and you’re going to interact. Usually when we did, she initiated it. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.
I’d never considered that her going to an all girls school factored into it, but I really don’t see why it would have. But, while I think girls/boys schools are dying out, I don’t think they’re psychotic. Hell, these days, home schooling is on the rise, given how terrible public schools have become.
-Troy
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Take a look at what you said here:
“You’d never advocate for it because it’s wrong, THAT’S WHY. And the fact that YOU claim you would, knowing it’s wrong is why you’re an insecure male, who couldn’t “deal” with a girl busting you.”
See what I mean? It is years later, and I am still upset with you for saying this.
I was being nice, because I saw you as a victim, and was horrified that people advocate this. And you responded by saying this.
Because you are just as bad as they are. You advocate doing this.
The last two words alone make me want to knifehand your crotch. You are saying this ABOUT ME.
I think you are worse than that girl. At least she was respectful.
Don’t worry, though, I am not insecure. If a person did that to me, it would not be years later that I would hit them back. It probably wouldn’t even be a second.
Retaliating is not the same as initiating a fight. It is ridiculous that you said that I advocate violence because I would hit a person back who hit me.
But it makes sense. You are just as bad as these women are, because you advocate doing this.
“Done research?? Have you ever been kicked in the balls?? I don’t need to research anything, I was kicked in the balls by a girl and it completely incapacitated me. I assure you, getting kicked in the groin is completely effective.”
You have no idea how stupid this is.
Do you actually think that what happened to you is comparable to a self-defense situation?
As I said, groin strikes do NOT actually disable a person. They don’t make a person physically unable to fight.
You were just a kid, and you had no intention of hurting that girl back. How can you think that this means this would be effective against an adult attacker?
Regarding what the girl allegedly did, as Adam said, it is complete nonsense. If a young girl tried to do that, it would just enrage the man. The girl wouldn’t be prosecuted, she would be sent to the psych ward. Or the man would be prosecuted for rape, because he succeeded in raping her.
Also, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SELF-DEFENSE. That is not what this article is about.
Groin strikes are not a self-defense move. Their purpose is to inflict suffering on a person.
That is why people do it. That is why Mandy advocates doing it.
Again, you think that I am insecure, but you are insecure. You feel the need to inflict suffering on people, because you don’t know of any other ways of fighting.
I have debated if I should respond further, because you are stupid. I have finally decided to do so now.
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I’m fine with this, so long as you’re okay with me telling my son to kick your daughter in the ovaries under the same circumstances.
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Have she ever done it? My daughter has tue same problem now.. So i would like to know what happened after the talk to her!
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did you also teach your daughter to finger bang herself after she was finished busting balls. cause we all know youre getting wet living through your daughter ball busting. whether you like it or not, your pussy sure does.
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