Things You Should Have Learned in Grade School but Obviously Didn’t

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It seems that people aren’t getting smarter with the invention of smart everything, so in keeping with the giving season that it is, I’m offering you a quick guide to help you not look stupid. Or Stupider. Part of it is your own fault:

A lot = two words

A lot of you never learned this.

Cannot = one word

I cannot stand it when people think cannot is can not.

Anyways = not a word. Let me repeat: ANYWAYS IS NOT A WORD.

What way would you like to go? Any ways. Because ways is singular. OH WAIT! Ways is plural. Any is singular. Can’t work together, not ever.

Any way you try it, anyways will never be a word, but people will continue to use it anyway.

Your means ownership

You’re is a contraction: You are

So, here’s something that might blow your mind: It’s not “your welcome.” It’s “you’re welcome.” You cannot own a welcome. I don’t care how hard you try.  You can however own a welcome mat. Your welcome mat says you’re welcome to come inside.

There going to they’re grandmother’s house over their.  Guess what? Grandma is going to die first because they’re never going to make it there until they realize their grammar needs help.

You do not loose your keys.

Your pants are not lose.

You may lose your keys because your pants are too loose, but that’s a personal problem.

I am not “to” opinionated unless you are “to” stupid to understand that there are two (no wait) three words that all sound the same, and as adults who type, you should probably learn the difference. I have two friends. I would like one to be my best friend. The other one is too dumb. She says “anyways.”

Its a pretty day outside because the sun is shining in all it’s glory. Nope!

It’s: a contraction of It is

Its shows ownership.

I know it’s confusing because the English language has done its job to be a great big challenge.

Because you were your jeans too tight, it made it difficult to make it to wear you where going. Because where you were going was obviously not a book store, but you can wear whatever you want. You can’t accessorize stupid no matter how hard you try.

I have a whole nother subject to discuss. If you could see my screen, you would see that there is a red jagged line under nother. Take out whole. Push a and nother together. And I’ve just given you yet another thing to make you look less stupid. Lucky for you, I’m charitable.

Other things you should probably never ever say:

Irregardless

Supposably 

Conversate

Undoubtably

Seriously. Just . . . don’t.

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you already know these things and were able to have a good laugh. Feel free to share this on Facebook as I’m certain 99.7% of people who use it daily should have had to sit through Mrs. Lawrence’s third grade grammar lessons because they still say “should of.”

PS: I literally want you to share this because I figuratively want you to have my back.

 

 

 

 

 

44 thoughts on “Things You Should Have Learned in Grade School but Obviously Didn’t”

  8. Oh, how I don’t miss spending my days on wedding forums, where you couldn’t go a single day without at least one bride asking advice on how to take a few inches off her “waste” before the big event.

    And where the moderators didn’t see the humor in responding with a joke about the groom taking out the trash…

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  14. Ack! Ack! Ack! Your/You’re Their/They’re/There…nails on a chalkboard!
    I used Grammerly for my magazine writing and get weekly e-mails telling me how much I suck at grammar. Apparently, I use too many commas. So what? Maybe I am a comma hooker!
    Now…I just need to figure out how to get my husband to quit using the word “irregardless” without ending our marriage (drives me freaking nuts–literally 😉
    Loved this Mandi!

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  15. Anyways, I can not stand these silly errors. Literally – my favorite pet peeve! I have friends who correct themselves when I’m around, because they know I will call them out.

    The lose/loose error seems to be a more recent one – what’s up with that? Lose the second “o,” people!

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  18. Well. English is not complicated at all. Try german, hungarian or chinese lanugage. 😉
    So, no excuse for not being able to use it properly. Everything you have mentioned about English, we learn in the elementary school, so maybe there is another question, more important one – how good are the schools?
    English is my third foreign language, just because it is really easy to learn it. At least the basics.

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  20. I’m not even gonna mess around with stuff on my comment. Huh.

    This seriously needs to be handed out at Halloween, the first day of a job, first day of school, at the grocery store, at church, with traffic tickets, with arrest warrants, on jury duty, and when you have to show ID to buy cough medicine. Brilliant.

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  21. I love you so much. Let’s talk about lay and lie. You cannot lay down. You can lie down. People don’t lay eggs. But we can lie down.

    There. I said it.

    Thank you 😊

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