People always say that you don’t get to pick your family. I disagree.
When I was six years old, a family with three little girls moved into the house next door. My mother was thrilled. Being the only girl with four older brothers, my hobbies had become making and eating mud pies, getting into fights on the playground (yes, in Kindergarten), and looking at trashy magazines with the boy across the street. My mother saw these three little girls hop out of their mom’s Vanagon and forced me (kicking and screaming) to go introduce myself.
She had no idea they would become my sisters, that I would fall so deeply in love with them, that their mother would become a second mother to me, that their father, one of my favorite people, would influence my sense of humor for the rest of my life. Nor did she ever imagine that the oldest of the three would turn out to be my soul mate, my person, my best friend of thirty years (and counting).
We were inseparable, the four girls on our block. We spent every weekend night together, staying up until ungodly hours playing dress up and rock stars and barbies when their dad would finally come in and in his deep gritty voice tell us to go the hell to bed. We learned life together. As we grew older, our friendships grew with us, and we held each other’s hands through shopping for our first bras, then first kisses, then teenage heartbreak. We applauded each other’s successes and cried together when things went wrong.
When we were seventeen, our world changed forever. On February 29, 1996, we had our first baby. As scared as we were for our sister to become a teenage mom, we had her back. We knew that together we could make this work, and we did. A little boy entered our lives and changed everything. He was all the things a first baby is. Confusing, adorable, funny, exhausting, and he was ours. He brought a new life into our world, a sense of wonder and excitement. We took turns babysitting him and watched as he grew from a chubby little brown eyed baby to a sweet little boy who at seven years old announced to us that he would one day become a paleontologist. And we believed him.
We all grew up, went to college, moved to different towns, got married, etc. But we managed to get together as frequently as possible, and when we did/do, it was/is as if time never passed.
Then one day, our world changed again. Shattered for a minute. And an hour. And a lifetime.
Our baby was gone.
Just like that.
A car crash.
My pseudo baby sister lost her first born child a few months after he turned eighteen, just a few weeks prior to his high school graduation.
No words can help because they can’t bring him back. No flowers or cards or hugs or good thoughts make any kind of difference because he’s still gone, and my sweet friend who I love as if she shared my blood will never be the same again.
And there’s no word for her. There’s no widow or widower or orphan. She’s just a woman, a mother with a permanent hole in a heart that will never beat the same again. But she’s more than that to me. She’s my family, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her or him.
Please watch this video all the way to the end as a tribute to this amazing kid that was taken from us far too soon.
“Guys,one day we’re all gonna die, so have fun, and have fun the way YOU want to have fun. Don’t listen to anyone else. Word up.” Thomas James Gomez-Reddish (February 29, 1996 – May 6, 2014)
OMG, So many tears. I just want to hug you and everyone, I am hugging everyone today!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Everyone! Aren’t we lucky. Thank you, NWM.
LikeLiked by 1 person
*hugs*
LikeLike
Thanks, LAS.
LikeLike
No words, my dear, just a gentle hand on your shoulder to let you know I’m here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Lizzi.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What she said, but replace shoulder with NO, not the place! Sorry, misplaced and in appropriate attempts at humor is a coping thing. This is tragic. There’s nothing worse than watching babies carrying the casket of other babies. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to lose a child, even though I’ve seen it way too many times. It never makes sense. Much love to your sister/friend and you as well.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Love you don. And I always appreciate your humor. In all circumstances
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine anything more horrible to endure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t either. That’s what makes it so hard, that someone I love so much has to live this every day.
LikeLike
People say this all the time, Mandi, because it’s something to say. I hope you believe that I mean it with every ounce of love and good I possess…
I am so sorry you have to feel this, think about this, and watch your friend suffer. That you lost someone who was also a part of you.
And all the good energy I have is dedicated right now to your lifelong friend with a hole in her heart that can never be filled. And to you and that young man’s many friends and family.
Devastating story.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you, Matt. Your words are so kind.
LikeLike
This is all sorts of heartbreaking, Mandi. I’m so sorry for your loss, and the loss that belongs to all your family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Chrissy.
LikeLike
Oh Mandi . . . .hugs, lots and lots of hugs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Michelle.
LikeLike
My heart 💔. Tears streaming for his mom and all of you. {{{{hugs}}}}
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you.
LikeLike
Oh just hugs. So sad for all of you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Lisa.
LikeLike
It won’t let me watch the video, but I can’t express how this makes me feel. There’s no word for this either. Feelings of sadness and wanting to hug an entire group of people you’ve never met while knowing it will do nothing other than be a hug.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have to fix the video. I set it to private. Like an idiot. Oops.
LikeLike
😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t watch video, not that it matters, unconditional love is so priceless and rare, I am sorry to hear of the loss of a child, it’s absolutely heartbreaking.
NIBSIH 🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is heartbreaking. There’s nothing I can say or do for my friend to make it better, but I thought maybe at the very least, I could honor him here, in my little corner of the universe.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That must have been like losing your own child.
I just completely welled up at that. I’m so sorry.
Beautifully written, Mandi love. xoxox
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Samara.
LikeLike
I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry for your sister and for all of you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Dana.
LikeLike
Mandi, I am so, so sorry. I send you and your sisters my hugs and hold you all in my thoughts and prayers. I am almost relieved that I couldn’t watch the video (it says, “This video is private.”), for I could see myself crying while watching it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a photo montage that one of his friends made for him. I just wanted to share it because it’s so very sweet, and at the end, we get to hear his voice.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Heartbreaking. Terrible whenever someone young dies.
LikeLike
I can’t imagine how hard this was to write. I get it. I watch the video and I see my son, and the children of those who I love. I am so very sorry. ❤ ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, TSH. That’s the hardest part, that we can imagine but also that we can’t. You know?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so sorry for your loss.No one should ever have to go through the pain of losing their child.I can’t stop thinking about how his mom feels 😥
LikeLike
I can’t either.
LikeLike
I watched, and he is beautiful…and he lives on – his spirit will remain with you all, and in his memory and for his sake, you all will do wonderful things to nurture each other and to help and support one another, and he won’t ever be gone, not really, because you’ll keep loving the young man that he was…you don’t ever really lose someone like that.
The spit-bubble picture made me laugh, and I’m so grateful it was in the montage.
And yes. Fun. He has a good message.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for coming back to watch lizzi
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course…
LikeLike
I can’t imagine what you are going through, what she is going though. I am just so sorry for not only your loss but the whole worlds loss he was amazing.
LikeLike
I cannot begin to imagine the intensity of the pain this young man’s mama must feel…to this day. This is terribly sad and my greatest fear. The video was a beautiful tribute, as were your words. I imagine you hurt, too. For the loss of a life that was far too short and his mother, who you love. I’m so very, very sorry.
LikeLike
Thank you, Sandy. It’s my greatest fear too. And I do love her and him.
LikeLike
Prayers..
LikeLike
Thank you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have to tell you something hilarious. Usually I catch up on my blog reading during my lunch break, unfortunately it turns out I can’t look at your blog because my work classifys your page as PORN hahahahaha. I have to wait until I get home and shamefully read it in the dark by the glow of my laptop screen 🙂
LikeLike
Oh that’s funny. I’m flagged for porn. Hahaha
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yup, made me giggle.
LikeLike
So heartbreaking and so wrong. I am so sorry for this loss.
LikeLike
There are no words, Mandi…
LikeLike
I’m sitting here in a coffee shop reading this and watching the video with tears in my eyes. Yeah, even tough guys cry sometimes. So sorry for her loss, and for all your loss. The good die way too young at times. Such a nice post to remember him by.
LikeLike
Oh gosh, first time visiting you, and I end up crying. But it was a worthwhile cry honouring that young man’s memory. So happy though that you and your loving soul sisters have had each other through all of this. My deepest condolences.
LikeLike
Oh how much we need to learn to sit with the broken hearted.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is so very true.
LikeLike