Excuse Me, Your Vulva is Showing

I don’t claim to be the most fashionable person in the room. Ever. But I pay attention to what others wear, and I can usually embrace most trends even if I don’t necessarily wear the style. I try to be open minded. When skinny jeans became popular, I had just birthed an eight pound baby, and I had no expectations of ever wearing anything “skinny” until a friend suggested I try on a pair, and voila: I looked skinny.

I’m not upset about the concert t-shirt coming back around or the bright colors from the eighties. I love color. I guess what I’m trying to say is that for a thirty something girl, I’m adaptable, and I want to stay hip. There are lines though that I can’t cross. That I won’t cross.

Apparently I missed the new trend in dresses. I’m calling it:  Cootchie Couture.

I attended my nephew’s wedding this past weekend. He’s twenty-six, so most of his friends are around the same age. I never thought I would be one of the older women in the room who couldn’t embrace the current fashion. Until Saturday night.

The majority of the girls at the wedding wore dresses that only slightly covered their booties. They brought a new definition of short to the short dress. I have no problem with a nice sexy dress. I have a few, and occasionally I’ll pull one out and where it, but I like to, at the very least, be able to bend over without showing my entire ass. These girls didn’t care. Their asses were on display All.Night.Long.

They danced, spinning around the dance floor, letting their bottoms cool in the breeze. True story. I saw more than one set of butt cheeks on the dance floor. I was sitting next to my seventy-four year old father. It was awesome.

There were the short and flowing dresses.

When she spins: her tooshy gets an air tickle

When she spins: her tooshy gets an air tickle

And then there were the short and tight dresses.

hootchie dress

I’m pretty sure she wants you to see her vulva

hootchie lace

Look, honey, I don’t even have to pull it up to …


Let me say this. These girls were gorgeous with pretty rocking bodies. Most wore the dresses well, except for the fact that when I see a girl whose vulva is hanging out of her dress, the first thing I wonder is why must it be so sexy? What is she trying to achieve?

I understand the high that comes from feeling like the prettiest girl in the room. I get that, but there’s pretty, and then there is over the top.

I wonder if our younger generation is too concerned with being overtly sexy. Just look at Instagram. I follow several fitness sites, and it’s mostly girls in almost nothing posing for pictures of themselves in the mirror. Duck faced with their boobs and butts hanging out. They get 10,000 likes, and men from all different languages tell them how sexy they are.

What scares me the most is that I have a four year old daughter. She was there at the wedding. Looking up to these girls on the dance floor (probably seeing their labia), and if this is what she thinks is “pretty,” what will she want to wear when she is twenty five?

I don’t want my daughter to think that sexual objectification is okay, and I worry that this fragile world where we live is going to give her that idea.

Here’s the kicker. I’m a huge hypocrite. I still boldly wear my bikini (even though some say I’m too old). I still wear shorts, sometimes they’re short. I still wear sexy dresses. I like the way I feel when I know I look great in what I wear. Who doesn’t? But I think that very fine line between sexy and sexualized is being crossed by this new trend: Cootchie Couture.

So to the girls whose vulva were showing at the wedding, I’d like to say this, “You are smart, and funny, and incredibly beautiful with long sexy legs without a trace of flab or a single dimple from that evil asshole cellulite. You seem kind and are probably a really great friend, and it looks like you make your boyfriend very happy. You don’t have to try so hard. You are unique and wonderful. Go cover up your vulva. Your mama will thank me.”

***I originally planned to post pictures that I took from the wedding, but I didn’t think that would be fair, so the pictures that you see were not actually at the wedding. The dresses were shorter. True story.

Next week on Cootchie Couture:  Swimwear: The MaxiPad bikini (you think I’m kidding).

If you missed my very first author interview, click here.



71 thoughts on “Excuse Me, Your Vulva is Showing

  1. *glares at QC for stealing FRIST*

    I agree with 100% of the words in this post. I have seen girls in the mall with shorts SO SHORT I am not even kidding when I tell I could see the fabric of their (wait for it…..) PANTIES. (ugh, gross, can’t believe I said that word)

    You put it perfectly when you said there is a fine line between sexy and sexualized. << boom. And I know I'm not being prudish or crotchety. I really do love sexy clothes on women. I love when a woman embraces her body and feels good about it, no matter what her size, because confidence is the prettiest outfit a woman can wear. BUT, these girls look like they're for sale (or rent) and it's over the top. They don't look confident; they look desperate and insecure.

    Great post, MT. 🙂


  2. In total agreement with you. But, it isn’t new. It hit in the early 90’s. Serious. I know because I bought a dress I thought was terribly cute but I would only wear it with jeans because it was too short. Sometimes when I was feeling adventurous, I’d wear it with shorts. I was in my early twenties. So, if you’re old because you think there’s a line that got crossed somewhere then I’m right there with you. (And I’m older than you 🙂 )
    Great article!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t remember the dresses being this short in the 90’s, but leaned more on the flannel baggy shirt with a tank top underneath and combat boots. Actually, as I typed combat boots, I remember one sunflower dress I had that my mother refused to allow me to wear out of the house. Probably because you could see my vulva. See? I’m a hypocrite. I’ve become a crotchety woman. I’ve become my mother. Oh dear lord.

      Liked by 3 people

      • It’s ok. Eventually we also become our grandmothers. Not that I have yet, thank god, and when I do I hope I’m more like my dad’s mom than my mom’s mom. She was scary.


      • Oh I am right there with you. I want to be like my dad’s (step) mom. She was feisty and funny and was in a band and had dance parties until she broke her hip in her late 80’s. If only I could be that cool.

        Also, I need contact info to send you my book. Will you friend me on Facebook? (Mandi Castle). I am scared to send the request to the wrong you. Which would be the not you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh. Absolutely. I’ve been a little busy lately. I have a son graduating and one going into high school, a fourth grader who hates doing any kind of writing, and a three year old who is days away from being 4. I don’t have time to grow old right now. 😉


  3. I have struggled with this in recent years because I don’t ever want to fall on the side of “She shouldn’t wear that” or that’s “too revealing” and I definitely don’t want to be the uptight old lady. But my gaaaawd, some of these things these girls wear… it makes me sad. I wear cut off jean shorts that are probably too short. And I am clinging to the two piece bathing suit with desperation, but I swear to you I have never exposed my vulva at a wedding. It just seems like it’s crossed the line in recent years, where the current fashion is to look like you’re selling your goods on the corner. (now I do sound like the uptight old lady). But do I know this, labia and ass exposure is not cool. Not in public at least.

    I’m so glad right now that my 11 year old only wants to wear one piece swim suits. She won’t even wear a vneck! (But that’s because school dress codes have traumatized her). Also, I’m pretty sure she thinks I dress like a slut.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gretchen, I am so torn about this whole subject. I allow my daughter to wear a two piece swimsuit because it’s not sexy when it’s a four year old, and if you think it is, that’s a your problem not a her problem sort of thing. I too wear short cut off jean shorts. I love my body. I love to feel sexy, but there’s a quiet desperation in these girls that’s screaming “look at me!” I too don’t want to be the woman who says, “shouldn’t wear that” or “too revealing” but then that was before I saw vagina on the dance floor. It’s such a slippery slope.


  4. I completely agree. The classy sexy lady needs to be brought back. You don’t have to showcase your vagina as two people join their lives in order to be considered sexy. I was taught to dress sexy and leave room for the imagination. Men want to work a little! If you give it too him without a little work, what’s the fun in that?! But then again these “young” girls will learn as they age that showing their snatch isn’t as glamorous as they intended.


  5. “That dress is so short I can see your breakfast! Go change!” – Gramma

    It is SO complicated for girls, with so many mixed messages. I haven’t had enough coffee to handle that discussion this morning. As a society we manage to both encourage and condemn sexuality.

    Loved what Beth said about women feeling good about their bodies – there is an approval-seeking element to what you describe here, as well, which is just the opposite of self-acceptance.

    Now. Gonna get that coffee. Well done, Mandi!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Why thank you, Renee. I am sorry this post made you require more coffee. You’re so right about society encouraging and condemning sexuality. I don’t condemn sexuality in any way. I think I encourage it, at least in my own life. I like sex. Wait. What are we talking about again? Oh yeah, sexy. I think perhaps the setting was just incorrect for vulva display. At the clurb, let it all out. On the dance floor in front of my father, cover it up. Or something like that. I don’t know. Now I need more coffee.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I think it’s okay to be opinionated about this, without being a “crotch”ety old woman, Mandi. Because it’s not just about not wanting to see someone’s vulva – I EQUALLY as much don’t want to see peen being waved around on the dance floor. (does anyone?) The only flashing balls at a party should be hanging from the ceiling in a disco style.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Carly!!! You’re so right. I love the penis, but I don’t want to see it doing the helicopter on the dance floor. Peen – dying laughing at that one. You’re just the cutest thing I ever did see.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I don’t think you’re a crotchetty old woman – I think you’re fashionable and sensible and also aware of what your son and daughter are going to be absorbing from the society they see around them. And I think that’s good. You can teach them well.

    I have to go to a wedding in a fortnight. I can guarantee you that not a shred of vulva will be showing from the outfit I’m wearing. If it fits. If not, I’m going in a sack.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Yes! This drives me crazy from a 30-something shopping perspective! I want to be stylish, I love dresses, but I would like them to cover more thigh than not!!!


  9. I love short short dresses. Sometimes I wear them with tights, but not in the summer. I do wear them with combat boots. However, I’m pretty sure I’m in Vulva Display Mode when I wear these little dresses.

    I probably wouldn’t twirl at a wedding and make some octogenarian’s false teeth fall out.

    But I’m seeing the Cute Guy tomorrow night. If it was warm enough I’d go in VDM (Vulva Display Mode). And if my legs look good at 60 I’ll wear a short dress like the jacked up old cougar I hope to be.

    Why not? Life is short. Why shouldn’t my dress be?

    Liked by 2 people

    • You know what, Samara? I love that you commented here and gave another voice to this. I appreciate and am a little jealous of the fact that you have legs capable of looking good at age 60. Maybe I am just crotchety.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Let’s not get carried away! In all honesty, my legs have not looked good since I got pregnant and blew up like a ball park frank. They are kinda scary. Old lady legs, really.

        That’s what self tanner is for. And moonlight. And tequila. And giving really good blow jays.

        Liked by 2 people

  10. I own a grand total of one scandalously short, tight dress. I wore it out to a fancy dinner with my husband…and ended up spending the entire evening hitching the skirt back down because it insisted on interpreting even the slightest movement on my part as an invitation to shimmy up over my hips.

    Never again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nothing says “she’s not comfortable in that dress” like seeing a woman fidgeting with it all night long. I hear ya, sister. If I have to pull it up or hitch it back down all night, no gracias. Next please.


  11. Ladies, I appreciate this thread. Nothing grosses me out more than to think I am sitting on a chair where an exposed vulva has touched it. Eww. The only exception might be the vulva of my beloved, but I doubt that. COVER UP YOUR PRIVATES, PEOPLE!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I totally hear you, Mandi! My daughter is 19 and is a freshman in college. OMG, the dresses get shorter and shorter. They might as well be wearing shirts. They all have them. When she showed me a pic of her friends at a formal, I couldn’t believe they were wearing no pants or shorts or leggins underneath. My daughter is a smart and beautiful girl but even she is going with the trend. I make sure not to show the pics to my mother. AY!


  13. To old for a bikini??!!!

    Dear lords, don’t ever say that in front of my mother who is 71 and still rocking in hers!!

    I get what you are saying though, I love that feeling of sexy you get when you know you look good in an outfit. But there’s a line I have in my head. Of being sexy and then just being trashy. I hate that young girls today think that they have to show off their vaginal lips to get men’s attention. Or that they need to show anything for that attention. Everything is so hyper sexualisied that sometimes I think I’m turning into a prude (don’t choke on your drink here Mandi :P)

    It makes me sad when I see girls that are dressed like that because to me, it shows that they are lacking self confidence in every area apart from their looks. And there’s so much more to a person than their vulva these days. There really is.

    I hope that they “see the light” so to speak…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sharn, if you are a prude, then I AM your 71 year old grandmother, and yes, I did choke on my coffee reading that. I inspire to be more like you, daring and confident and so very sexy, yet I’ve never seen your vulva. Hmmm…

      Liked by 1 person

      • There’s a key there… not all vulva’s need to be seen in order for a woman to appeal to a man.

        It’s amazing how well our intellects and personality will snare us the interest of those that suit us better.

        I hope those girls find that out sooner rather than later!!



  14. Spent the afternoon book shopping with my daughter. Clearly I missed a fantastic conversation. I am often disturbed. ..just disturbed…at how teen girls and young women dress. I think Mandi’s question is a good one…what is the message they mean to send? What are they trying to achieve? I think they have no idea. All they know is that they are complimented when they look that way so that must be right. Why don’t girls get ten thousand likes when they show a picture of themselves in snappy new glasses? Why don’t people say damn girl you look smart and funny instead of you look hot. Or how about hey donatingb your time at the soup kitchen or whatever else you want to put here looks good on you. when they wear too little or their skirt is too short, why isn’t someone… that boyfriend for example. .. offering them a suit jacket and saying cover up? Why aren’t they complimenting their virtue? I get too upset about it. The best we csn do for our daughters is model appropriateness. Compliment their person not their sexiness. Teach them y o respect themselves and to command respect from others. And pray.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s so funny, Lisa. I have a daughter (the four year old mentioned ^^^) and she said the other day that she wanted to be the prettiest girl in school. My response, “Pfft. Pretty doesn’t last forever. You want to be the nicest and the smartest girl in school.”


  15. I can’t tell you how much I agree with this post. I have no problem with someone dressing with confidence and to feel beautiful, to me that is SEXY. I struggle with looks that are about trying to look sexy . . . let me get the shortest short, the tightest fit, the lowest cut to show off what I’ve got. Sexy does not have to be blatant. Respecting yourself is sexy.That’s what I try to teach my daughter.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think in most cases, sexy is done tastefully. I think, however, that this particular group of girls (and that’s all I have to use for comparison) went beyond sexy to trashy. If you’re going to wear a dress so short, don’t show your butt cheeks on the dance floor.


  16. Mandi, I’d wear that hot little blue dress in a heartbeat!

    Truth is, I’d wear anything I could pull off. On the other hand, I have one extremely short fitted dress in my closet that I’ve worn exactly once. In the store I found it to be ridiculously sexy, but the one time I wore it, it felt a bit much — for me and my aesthetic.

    I like that there are a variety of fashion choices. Don’t get me wrong, I’m way judgmental about the tackiness of certain colors, fabrics and shapes. But in and of themselves, I don’t mind short dresses / tight dresses / revealing dresses on other women.

    But I’ll tell you right now, never for my hypothetical daughter! If that makes me a hypocrite, my hypothetical daughter just has to deal with it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Which blue dress, GG, the tight or the flowy one? I think they’re both pretty, and you would look gorgeous in either. I don’t think you would wear the flowy dress and spin around the dance floor displaying your thonged ass to the people sitting quietly at the table clothed tables enjoying their champagne and wedding cake. I think perhaps they chose the wrong venue for these kind of dresses. I don’t know. I’m just being crotchity. I am turning into my mother. What is wrong with me?


      • The tight one! I didn’t realize the flowy one was blue. And no, I would decidedly NOT display my thonged ass. I don’t think you’re being crotchety—it sounds like those dresses were inappropriate for a wedding. I should’ve been clear and said that I would wear the hot little blue dress to a nightclub. Never, ever to a wedding. It’s just a matter of respect, at that point.


    • Hahahah! Hookers. Well, you know how short the dress was in Pretty Woman? The girl at the wedding…her dress was shorter. It was pretty, navy blue with lace, and she was stunning, but when she sat down….vulva.


  17. I love this post! I was wondering the same last month and even worst – I wanted to buy a dress for an office und found only this “naked-ass” versions in a city. Most of the day I was like – what, what?! Who and where is wearing this? And then on monday I saw a woman at work 40+ wearing what you described above. It just looked cheap.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I can up you one better. At my wedding, it was my new sister in law that modeled that her ass on the dance floor. To which my family commented, “She likes attention.” At least all the old people in my family were dead???

    Liked by 1 person

    • My mother (who has dementia and no filter) said, “That’s attention getting,” to which my father replied, “huh?” because he was watching the dance floor. Kidding.


  19. I encountered some Cootchie Couture this weekend in Boise. It’s prom season and one girl in particular crossed the sidewalk as I was sitting at a red light, and I was like, “Put that away. I don’t want to see that.” Her skirt was crotch length, but the really amazing thing was her butt stuck out so far that the back of her short skirt was even shorter than the front. The one and only time I ever chaperoned prom was full of shock over these kinds of dresses. And go figure, the two girls wearing the shortest skirts also spend the night doing a farm-kid version of girl-on-girl dancing. Ahhh memories…


  20. Try working in a high school. Seriously. There’s generally a rule where dress codes live, and it’s called “fingertip length” which sounds like another name for FRISTing (jes’ sayin’, I can’t get over how dirty FRIST sounds), but which means your skirts and shorts have to be longer than the tips of your fingers… when you stand like a normal person. It’s brilliant. It totally leaves “vulva” out of the conversation. As a houseparent in a high school girls’ dorm (seriously) I can’t tell you how often I said things like, “I shouldn’t see your underwear. That’s why they use the word… UNDER. That is not fingertip length!!”


  21. I’m a little late to the party, here but had to put in my 2 cents. I agree with you Mandi! Sometimes wearing MORE is actually sexier but apparently that’s not something they understand. I can’t imagine wearing a dress so short I have to worry about my back end or my under carriage popping out. How uncomfortable! Especially at a wedding. Mamma needs to teach them to dress for a formal occasion. Maybe the dance club would be appropriate for their vulva display?
    BTW, you are not even close to being too old to wear a bikini! Sheesh!! If you wore the bikini to the grocery store then maybe there would be an uproar LOL.
    Social media isn’t helping the younger women gain a sense of self. It’s only making them want to ‘fit’ in and get approval, not things we want for our daughters.


  22. Oh good God I needed to hear this. I think I laughed through the whole thing. Thank you for this Mandi I was having such a shitty day but not anymore. Sometimes you just need a good laugh.


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