A Look Back at The Girl Who Peed In the Driveway

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It’s been a year of my ridiculous stories, and here we are on the Eve of Thanksgiving. As I ponder my gratitude and plan to have almost thirty people in my house tomorrow, I feel it’s only fair to share my very first post on this blog, which I wrote last year on Thanksgiving Eve. Maybe more than twelve people will read it this time. Thank you to all of you who read me now. I love sharing our stories with each other.

Oh the holidays and their stories, right? Well, every Thanksgiving Eve, I’m reminded that somewhere between Dallas and a little town in Oklahoma, a family is sitting around their dining room table and one of them says to another, “Hey, Jim. You remember that Thanksgiving when the girl peed in our driveway?” And Jim says, “Yeah, Bob. That was hilarious.” And then everyone laughs because the story of the girl who peed in the driveway never gets old.

Well, here’s my version…

I was a bartender/college student living in Dallas and had to drive to my brother’s house in Oklahoma for the holiday. Because I spent so much money on booze books, I had to work my regularly scheduled lunch shift on Wednesday but planned to leave directly from the bar and make the three hour drive.

The lunch shift flies by, I jump in my T-bird, and start on my three hour drive. I should add that this period of my life revolved a lot around my fairly serious coke addiction. Not the powder stuff. The brown, liquid, bubbly stuff. A few minutes into the drive, I hit up a drive-thru for my fix and slurp down the largest coke I can get my hands on as I sing at the top of my lungs with Janis Joplin about me and Bobby McGee.

Then we stop. Not singing. Driving. Stop. No movement. Brake lights. And all of a sudden, just like that, I have to pee. Thanks, Coca cola.

I pound on my steering wheel then calmly breath in and out thinking that it’s probably just a wreck and that we’ll be heading North again in no time, but no, no such luck. We sit forever. FOREVER until finally we start moving. Only we’re not going North on the highway, we’re exiting and heading into the middle of nowhere, and it starts to rain. By this time, I’m sitting on my foot, freaking out that I am going to have a serious bladder explosion all over myself, telling myself over and over that there will definitely be a Dairy Queen at the next corner, or a gas station, or ANYTHING, but I’m on a road in the middle of nowhere, and the only thing I see is millions of brake lights in front of me and head lights behind me.

I decide that I am going to turn on the next dirt road, pull over, and just squat behind my car because I have no other choice.

I see an unmarked unpaved road and turn. I drive for about 2 seconds before my bladder decides it’s time, put my car in park, jump out, and pee.

And. It. Is. Heavenly.

At this point, as I heave a giant sigh of relief, I look up to see that I’m not on an empty dirt road but rather in a driveway, and there’s a house with a big picture window in front and a family sitting at a dining room table, and they’re all staring at me. Oh, I should mention that I didn’t even bother to close my door, so my interior light is doing a fine job of illuminating my peeing in the driveway. Horrified and unable to interrupt the flow, I assess my situation while cursing the giant coke. I grab a pen and bang it into the hinge of my door in hopes that it will at least turn off my interior light. And by the grace of God, it works. I finish my peeing and jump back into my car. I slam my door shut ready to race off, but it flies back open. “What the hell?” I scream to myself. Then I realize that in trying to remove my spot light, I have managed to break my door, and there are people sitting at the dining room table having a nice family meal that was just interrupted by some blonde girl peeing in the rain in their driveway, and OH MY GOD! WHAT DO I DO?

I grab the same pen, say a quick prayer, and jam my pen back into the hinge at least a half a dozen times, and then…sigh…my door closes. I reverse out of the driveway, and leave the nice family a great Thanksgiving story to tell for years to come about the girl who peed in their driveway.

Happy Thanksgiving. May you experience something worth telling again next year.

*Before you drive to your family’s house, make sure you take a minute…and pee first.*

40 thoughts on “A Look Back at The Girl Who Peed In the Driveway”

  3. LOL…oh lordy!! That sounds like something that would happen to me! That will definitely be a story for that family to share in tradition each year. Gawd, that is funny. I love that song btw… Excellent post and wishing a very Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family, Mandi 🙂

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    • I went through a huge Janis Joplin phase in college. I even (on more than one occasion) sang it at the bar where I worked…oh dear lord thank God that was before camera phones.

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    • I hope you’re no longer dizzy and was able to get caught up on your sleep. I went out Saturday night and only got 2 hours of sleep. I am not cut out for that anymore, and I thought about you more than once when I was….dizzy. I may or may not have been hungover too….but that’s a different story.

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  6. Oh my! This was before I met you so I never read this. You started off full throttle, didn’t you?? Congrats on your first year, beautiful! You are so much fun, have such a good heart, and are an all around amazing person. One of these days we’ll get to meet face to face and that will be one of the best days ever!

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    • Yes it will, and I cannot wait to meet you. I say this all the time, but you are an inspiration to me in so many ways, Sandy, and I only hope I am half the woman you are. I’m so glad we found each other through this crazy interweb and that we’ve become such good friends. I know it’s after Thanksgiving now, but I’m truly truly thankful for you.

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    • *looks around* Oh you mean me? Happy Thanksgiving to you (why did I have to approve this comment, and why has it been sitting in pending for almost three weeks? I’m a terrible blogger. Help!) You know I wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t have you to stalk.

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  8. *grins* I can’t believe I’ve never trawled back through to find out all the ‘where you came from’…you sure jumped into the deep end of the Blogosphere with both feet. And huge congrats on having as many as 12 people read your first ever post. If any of them weren’t related to you and/or bullied/begged by you to read it, that’s even huger kudos. You made a flying start and have continued skywards ever since, Squishy.

    SO glad I found you through this internet thing 🙂

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    • The only reason that many people read my post is because Beth shared it. I have to give her all of the credit. I love that we found each other through this internet thing, too, Lizzi. I’m better for knowing you, and in less than a year….yeah!!!!

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      • Beth is a wonder and a joy to know, isn’t she? She’s such a very good champion of other people 🙂

        Ohhh it’s gonna feel like a long ten months in many ways. Ah well, we shall just have to chat our way through them, and get to be even better friends online, until that September day when we will finally meet 🙂 *grinning*

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  9. You gave that family the best Thanksgiving they ever had!

    I’m with Lizzi on this one. I’m so glad I met you here. I love our friendship.
    If I were doing a gratitude post, I’d say I was grateful for you and all the Sisterwives.

    Keep on writing, Mandi. Writing is how we breathe. xo

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    • It is how we breathe, isn’t it? I’ve been holding my breath way too much these days, but I’m going to do my best to get back in here.

      As for gratitude…I couldn’t be more grateful that you all included me in the SisterWives. I had no idea what I was getting myself into and still wonder if I’m talented enough to be surrounded by all of you, but I’m never going anywhere. You all have become a family to me, and I love you dearly.

      As far as the family who watched me pee…well, I probably did make their Thanksgiving. They should be thanking me.

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      • I dunno whether to *raises eyebrow* or *rolls eyes* at the suggestion that you might not be talented enough to be part of SW.

        *sigh* Talent schmalent – we all have different abilities, capabilities, strengths and weaknesses – the point is that we all matter and we all choose each other.

        Do the things I say actually go in? *taps mic*

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  11. Oh my gawwwwwwds!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    Oh Mandi, I can totally see this unfolding! The shame! I’d have died too! And the not so quick get away? Priceless.

    ❤ x

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    • The get away was ridiculous. The fact that my door “literally” kept popping back open…and I was in the rain. It was just terrible and awful and terrible…but it felt so good to pee that it was worth it…almost.

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  19. You have the best stories, Mandi. But the magic is in how you tell them – you truly do have a gift. I can’t believe it’s only been a year – so happy to have met you here. xoxo

    I have a great pee story but I’m too embarrassed to tell it. Yet.

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